#theres a little hint of angst but its barely there

[sassy-starker]

Five Times Stark Industries Employees Saw Peter Parker

(And One Time They All Found Out Who He Was)

Word count: 9128

CW: none

Notes: I promised @tony-is-my-daddy that I would tag them in my fluff fic and that was literally almost 2 weeks ago so I’m really, really sorry. I got caught up with finals and everything, but, I finally present to you, A Self-Indulgent Fic Where Peter and Tony Act Sappy And Confuse Employees

1.

Peter couldn’t focus.  His eyes were bleary and his mind was wandering.  His attention was completely taken up by the hollowness in his chest.  The workshop felt all too empty and quiet, but he knew that background noise wouldn’t help.  He needed someone there.  He needed people— hell, even just a person— to be with him.  His mind felt distant, yet all too aware at the same time and it was driving him insane.  He hated the winter.  He hated seasonal affective disorder.  He hated this.

In a rash decision, before his brain could even think, Peter pulled out his Stark Phone and tapped into messages.  He tapped on his most recent contact and began to type.

Peter: hey, do you think i could go down to the intern labs and just work down there?

Peter: like the ones with the individual workspaces?

Peter: i need to be around people

Tony: Of course! I should be done with my meeting at about 5 so then we can go binge shitty rom-coms and cuddle and eat Chinese food

Tony: Pepper saw me on my phone. Gotta go

Peter: <3

Tony: <3

Peter, now with confirmation, gathered up what he was working on in his backpack and shoved his phone in his pocket before getting up and moving to the elevator.

“Where to, Peter?” FRIDAY asked him.

“Fifty-fourth floor please.”

The elevator moved relatively quickly down the floors, and it wasn’t long until it dinged and the doors opened, revealing rows and rows of worktables with interns scattered around and working on individual projects.  Peter knew that they moved on and off the floor, depending on whether they were working in groups with their department or solo.

People looked over to the unknown young man while he set his stuff down on a table.  He paid no mind, feeling comforted by having people around.  He always felt nice when he knew that he wasn’t all alone, that the world was still there and time was still moving on.  Just as he sat down, though, a lab director from some floor below them walked right up to the desk.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re allowed to be here,” he said in a sickly sweet, obviously fake voice.

“Excuse me?” Peter asked politely, looking up to the man.

“This space is for interns and employees. You don’t appear to be either,” the man elaborated.

“No, I’m allowed to be here,” Peter shot back simply before looking away from the man and reaching for his bag to pull out his project materials.

“Who do you think you are?” the lab director interrogated. “I’ll get you kicked out of this building!”

“I’m Peter-” the young adult started, but was cut off by FRIDAY interrupting.

“No last names, Peter,” the AI warned. “We don’t want anything to happen to you.  I can assure that Peter is allowed to be here.”

Peter simply looked up and gave a shrug to the lab director before continuing to pull out the materials from his bag.  The man looked up to the ceiling fearfully before retreating back to his own workspace.

That was the first time they saw Peter.

2.

The next time Stark Industries employees saw Peter could only be described as chaotic.

The door to the stairs opened and somebody rushed out, weaving their way around people and workstations with practiced ease, all while laughing so hard that there were tears falling from their eyes.

Upon closer inspection, the employees realized that it was, in fact, the mysterious young man from only a week earlier.

Moments after Peter rushed in, the elevator dinged and the doors opened, and out ran the Tony Stark, covered in red and blue glitter. Not to mention that he looked furious, but not the type of furious where he was genuinely angry. It was more like that fond kind of furious, where you’re annoyed and upset, but can’t help but find the situation a bit funny and the person responsible is somebody you care about.

Tony ran out of the elevator, also weaving around his employees and their projects, obviously chasing the young man. By that point, though, the young man was laughing so hard that he had slowed down considerably. Thanks to that fact, Tony caught up and tackled him to the ground. All the employees were frozen in shock and just watching as their boss stood up and rubbed glitter off his skin to get it onto the man he was now standing above.

“No!” shouted the younger, getting up from his spot on the floor and giving the engineer a light shove. Both of them were still smiling and laughing about it though. “This is gonna take forever to wash off!”

“How do you think I feel?” Tony retorted, sprinkling some glitter into the other man’s curly hair. Once again, the younger man gave him a light push.

That’s when the two of them became acutely aware of the attention they had garnered.

“Sorry for disrupting your work,” Peter apologized to the crowd of employees sheepishly.

“We’ll send somebody to clean up the mess we made,” Tony told them, eyeing the trail of glitter he had left on the floor, “but get back to work.”

Hesitantly, they all began to go back to their workstations, but kept their eyes on the two men as they talked quietly and walked back to the elevator. Nobody said a word until the elevator doors had closed, obscuring their view of their boss and the mysterious man.

“Who the fuck is that kid?” Ashley questioned, turning to the coworkers she was in an experimenting group with.

“I have no idea,” Dylan answered, slowly tearing his eyes away from the elevator doors.

“He’s definitely a weird one,” Jenna piped up decisively. “I mean, have you ever even seen a picture of Tony Stark smiling that fondly?”

“And he talked back to him!” Dylan added on. “Like, holy shit, that kid shoved him and Stark only laughed!”

“I’ve seen a lot of strange things while working here,” Ashley told them, sparing a glance at the elevator, “but this is definitely one of the strangest.”

3.

“Please?” Peter begged.

“No,” Tony answered for what felt like the hundredth time. “Gossip spreads across the building quickly and basically every employee is already trying to figure out who you are! I don’t want them finding out and leaking it to the press!”

“But they already know, so what does it matter? It’s not like the rumors will go away if they just don’t see me again!” Peter argued, jumping up from where he was seated in order to stand in front of his boyfriend.

“The rumors will die down if they don’t see you again. They’ll eventually move onto talking about something else,” Tony replied, grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling him close. Peter embraced the man and the two just stood there for a few moments.

“I just want you to be safe,” Tony told him quietly.

“I’ll be fine,” Peter responded, pulling away but still holding onto his boyfriend’s hands. “All your employees sign NDA’s, so even if they did leak something to the press, which I doubt they would, legal would be on their ass and sue them for all they’re worth.”

Tony sighed, realizing that Peter had a good argument that he just couldn’t counter.

“Fine. You can come help me with the presentation.”

Peter pumped his fist in the air and let out a whoop in victory, causing Tony to roll his eyes fondly.

+++

When the employees working in R&D walked into the small auditorium on the 16th floor, they knew Tony Stark was going to be there, but they didn’t expect the infamous mystery man to be there.  On the stage, Peter was talking animatedly about something or other while Tony just listened, a fond smile on his face and his eyes sparkling.

The crowd walked in hesitantly, everybody’s eyes on the two men up front, who still hadn’t acknowledged them.  When everyone was seated and the clock struck the exact time the presentation was supposed to start, the two finally turned to them to get started.

“Hello, R&D department! I hope you’re all doing well!” Tony greeted with his press smile on. “You all know who I am, but I have somebody else here with me today.”

“What’s up? I’m Peter,” the younger man introduced himself, hitting the woah as he said his name.

“Did you just-” Tony started with a sigh before cutting himself off. “You and your fucking tiktok dances.”

“You say that as if you didn’t ask me to teach you the Renegade last week!”

“That was different! That was for the Stark Industries tiktok! I need to be relatable so I stay relevant!” Tony defended.

“And yet you still won’t let me teach you the dance to ‘Say So’ even though it’s iconic!” Peter shot back.

“You and I have different ideas of what counts as iconic,” Tony said dryly before turning back to the crowd of employees. 

“Anyway, today Peter and I will be telling you all about the new prosthetics line that your department will begin developing!”

Despite the importance of the presentation, the employees were only half listening as they were more focused on whispering about the mystery boy.

“Okay but what the actual fuck happened at the beginning of this?” Jenna asked quietly as she leaned over to her coworker on the right of her.

“No fucking clue. I can't believe this dude is just casually talking and joking around with Tony fucking Stark!” Dylan whispered in reply, not taking his eyes off the stage.

“And apparently he taught Stark how to do the Renegade. That’s fucking insane,” Ashley added from Jenna’s left.

The three turned their attention back to the two men on stage, finally listening to what they were saying again.

“Street smarts!” the younger man exclaimed, jumping in about something they were saying before.

“Stay alert out there,” both Peter and Tony quoted with large smiles. As if nothing happened, they jumped right back into the presentation.

“This is the weirdest fucking thing in the world,” Dylan declared quietly.

“I second that,” Ashley muttered.

“I third that,” Jenna added on without taking her eyes off the stage.

The presentation went on a bit longer, but it didn’t drag on.  It helped that the entire time the two men were joking around and making the employees progressively more and more confused.

Peter and Tony wrapped up the presentation soon enough and the R&D employees began to file out, most of them keeping their eyes on the two men talking quietly on stage.  Jenna, Ashley, and Dylan walked out together, some of the last to exit the auditorium, and the three made it to the elevator before Jenna realized she left her jacket behind.  She told her friends that she would catch up to them and way back to the now empty seats.  Not paying attention to the world around her, she looked for where she had sat and made her way through the row until she reached her seat and found her cardigan.

“See, I told you it would be okay,” said a voice from the stage.  Jenna turned around and saw Peter talking to Tony, the men standing close together.

“You know I just get worried,” the billionaire replied, his voice more sincere than Jenna could’ve ever imagined. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I can take care of myself, Tones. You don’t need to worry so much.”

Jenna felt like she was intruding on a private moment, so she started to make her way out of the rows of seats and back to the door as quickly and quietly as possible.

“Just because I don’t need to worry doesn’t mean I won’t. I care so much about you, Peter. You know I love you.”

Jenna froze in place, right at the end of the row of seats and about to step into the main aisle that led to the doors.  Against her better judgment, she found herself staring up at the two men on the stage, her gaze stuck on them.  She just couldn’t look away.

Peter and Tony were basically right up against each other.  They only were a couple inches apart with both their hands intertwined.  She couldn’t see it earlier, but, now that they were right next to each other, Jenna could tell that Peter was about half a foot shorter than Tony.  The younger man was looking up at the billionaire with a bright smile that was returned.  It was like nothing she could’ve ever imagined; a ball of sunshine and pop culture references right next to a man known to be scuffed up and rough around the edges.  It was like this boy brought out a completely different side of Stark.

“I love you too,” Peter replied softly before leaning up on the balls of his feet to give Tony a soft kiss on the lips.

Jenna, sucked in a breath of air harshly, the sound being enough to alert the men to her presence.  The two men stared at her with wide eyes for a moment and she stared right back.

“Shit.” Tony broke the silence of the room, his voice conveying the concern written across his face.  Peter put a hand on his forearm and schooled his features into a comforting look.  The man looked over at him and tried to take solace in his lover’s gentleness.

“I told you something was gonna go wrong,” the billionaire said with a mix of concern and fear on his face.

“We’re not getting into this argument again,” Peter responded decidedly, his tone making it sound final.

“I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I was walking in on anything. I just came in because I forgot my jacket! I . . . please don’t fire me, Mister Stark,” Jenna stammered once she had broken out of her shocked stupor.

“He’s not going to fire you,” Peter reassured her with a kind tone.

“Well . . .” Tony said, but his tone was a bit humorous.

“You’re not gonna fire her because we decided we couldn’t wait until we got back to the penthouse to be all sappy.” Peter gave the man a stern look and it occurred to Jenna once again that this soft, delicate-appearing brunet clad in pastels had somehow reined in the man who had spent so many years being known as a playboy.

“I’m not going to fire you, but you can’t tell anybody, not even anyone within the company. If you do, my legal team can and will sue you for all you’re worth. Understood?” Tony had a dangerous edge to his voice, letting the girl know that he was completely serious. There was no way that this was an empty threat.

“Understood,” Jenna replied with a curt nod. “But I just have one question.”

“Shoot,” Peter told her.

“How old are you? Because . . . well, you look pretty young.”

Tony started laughing and Peter gave him an annoyed look.

“Stop laughing! You do this every time!” Peter exclaimed, lightly slapping his arm.

“Everybody thinks you’re, like, sixteen! You look barely old enough to have your license!” Tony shot back, his laughter dying down.

“I’m twenty-one,” he told Jenna. “I’m not underage, if you were wondering. Tony may be a bit of a mad scientist, but he doesn’t date people who are underage.”

“Okay, good. I was just worried for a second. Um, thank you for not firing me and I swear I won’t tell anybody. I should get going,” she rushed out with a relieved smile.  Without another word, she made her way out of the auditorium, holding her jacket close to her chest.

When she got back to her floor, Dylan and Ashley bombarded her with questions about what took her so long, but she just told them that it took her a second to find it.  Of course, they weren’t satisfied with that answer, but Jenna didn’t let anything slip.

That was the third time Stark Industries employees saw Peter.

4.

When Jenna walked into work the next morning, early as always, she found an envelope sitting on her designated area of her group desk, which separated into four sections for her project team to sit at. Across the front, it had her first name written out in a neat, cursive scrawl. She furrowed her brows as she looked at it, questions racing through her mind as she wondered who it could’ve been from.

Without another thought, she ripped it open and pulled out the contents. She unfolded the paper that was inside only to find a letter written in the same handwriting.

Dear Jenna,

I wanted to write you a letter, but realized that I never caught your name yesterday. I hope you don’t mind, but I asked FRIDAY who you were. Thinking back on it, that definitely makes me sound like a creep, so I apologize.

I wanted to thank you for not completely flipping out on Tony and I in the auditorium yesterday. I know that the whole thing was definitely crazy and it would’ve made sense if you freaked out. I also wanted to thank you for not immediately telling anybody. Seeing as no news stories have come out and nobody in the building has confronted Tony, I’m assuming you didn’t leak it, which is relieving.

I hope you’re doing well and if you need literally anything, just drop off a letter in the company mailroom in box 106.

As a thank you, there’s a Starbucks gift card also in the envelope! I wasn’t sure if you liked coffee, but seeing as you work in R&D and most of the employees in that department survive off coffee, I’m going to assume you do. Enjoy!

I’ll (hopefully) talk to you soon!

-Peter

P.S. Tony might not say it, but he’s also grateful that you haven’t leaked anything! I can promise that you’re good in his books :)

“What’s that?” Ashley asked, sneaking up behind Jenna and startling the woman.

“It’s nothing,” Jenna replied quickly while shoving the letter back into the envelope and cramming it into her bag. Ashley gave her a suspicious look but let it go, sitting down at her area of the group desk that was beside Jenna’s.

“I have a prediction!” Dylan announced as he entered the almost empty floor and waltzed over to Jenna and Ashley. He collapsed onto his stool and dumped his bag onto the floor beside him.

“This should be good,” Ashley muttered sarcastically, crossing her arms.

Jenna just looked away.

“So, we’ve established that it’s strange that nobody has ever heard of Peter and how, out of nowhere, he shows up!”

“Yeah, that’s kinda why we all think it’s weird,” Jenna shot at him, hoping that it covered up her panic.

“It’s also odd that he’s got a bit of a resemblance to Stark,” Dylan continued, decidedly ignoring her.

“I don’t see it,” Jenna interrupted once more, but the man didn’t stop.

“Maybe, just maybe, Peter is Stark’s son who he didn’t want in the spotlight until he was old enough to handle it!”

Ashley gasped while Jenna glanced away from them with a look of both panic and amusement. 

“Or Peter is Stark’s illegitimate child and he doesn’t want to have a scandal!” Ashley built on the theory with an excited smile and wide eyes.

“What do you think, Jenna?” Dylan asked, and both of Jenna’s teammates had their eyes on her.

“I think you two are full of bullshit,” Jenna told them, trying hard to keep her voice steady. “He’s probably just Stark’s intern. Maybe he’s a super genius or something.”

“Bor-ring!” Ashley replied with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, our theory is way better,” Dylan bragged, a bit of humor in his tone.

Jenna stayed oddly quiet for the rest of the morning.

+++

When lunch rolled around, Dylan and Ashley went off to the food court floor of the building, but Jenna decided that she wanted to make use of the Starbucks gift card she’d been given. When she opened the envelope back up to get it, she discovered that it was a two-hundred dollar gift card, which left her in shock for a few moments. Still, she shook herself out of it and went to go get a sandwich and a coffee.

After lunch, she found herself back with her teammates, working on their project, but sipping on a venti white chocolate mocha this time around. Around half an hour after they’d come back from lunch, the elevator doors opened to reveal Peter, wearing a sunny yellow sweater that matched the smile on his face. He walked out of the elevator and seemingly ignored all the eyes on him. He made his way over to a table working on prosthetics and began to help them out, the team there looking a bit surprised but extremely grateful for the assistance.

When Peter looked up and spotted Jenna, he gave her an even brighter smile, which she returned. She shook the coffee cup in her hand a little, bringing his attention to it, and he gave a silent chuckle. Jenna took a sip of her mocha and turned back to her project.

“What the fuck was that?” Ashley asked, drawing both of her teammates away from where they were designing arm prosthetics.

“What?” Dylan and Jenna replied in unison.

“That little interaction you just had with Peter,” the blonde woman elaborated, looking at Jenna accusingly.

“What interaction?” the man piped up before the brunette could respond.

“She and Peter made eye contact and smiled at each other and then Jenna held up her coffee cup and Peter chuckled!”

Dylan gave Ashley an incredulous look before shifting his gaze to Jenna.

“It was nothing,” Jenna defended with a level voice before getting back to work.

“Does this have something to do with the letter from this morning?”

“What letter?” Jenna and Dylan asked in unison.

Ashley sighed. “Jenna, come on, just tell me what’s going on? Is there something you know that we don’t?”

Before the brunette could even respond, Peter passed by their table.

“Hey, Jenna!” the young man greeted cheerily.

“Hey, Peter,” she responded, a smile on her face.

When he was gone, she went right back to her work, ignoring the looks from her teammates.

Jenna knew it was going to be a long rest of her day.

That was the fourth time Stark Industries employees saw Peter.

5.

By the next Friday, the questions from Dylan and Ashley had died down, but the suspicious glances were definitively not stopping, nor becoming anymore secretive. Luckily, though, Jenna was becoming better and better at ignoring the looks from her coworkers.

There were no more appearances from Peter, but Jenna had been enjoying exchanging letters with the brunet. The letters would sometimes be accompanied by pictures, mostly of Peter and Tony, and the woman had fun printing dumb pictures of her own and sending them back. The two would share funny stories and talk about themselves, though Peter still never shared his last name, but the brunette didn’t blame him for that; she knew he wanted to continue to keep himself on the down low. Tony would sometimes put in a few sentences on a letter, mostly a short quip about something his boyfriend wrote, and Jenna couldn’t help but find her boss’s dry wit rather humorous.

As the weekend approached once more, Jenna found herself feeling glad to get away from her teammates’ conspicuous looks and probing questions. When it reached midday, she was beyond happy to escape to the food court, rushing in order to get ahead of Ashley and Dylan. 

When she walked into the food court, she knew there was something going on. The chatter of the floor was quieter than normal, despite the normal amount of people being there. It was less conversation and more pointed whispers. When she followed where everybody’s eyes were looking, she discovered Peter sitting at one of the round tables on his own.

The young man had a couple slices of pizza on a plate in front of him, with one slice in his hand. He had wireless earbuds in and his phone was propped up using a pop socket attached to the back. It was obvious that he was watching some show or another.

Jenna simply shrugged and went to grab her own food, paying no mind to the whispered gossip spreading across the floor. She got a container of Chinese food from one of the stations and looked around to find a place to sit before realizing that she didn’t know where to go. She usually sat with her teammates, but she had been trying to escape them until she had to get back to work, which left her with nobody to eat lunch with.

In a strange and unusual burst of confidence, Jenna walked across the floor and toward Peter’s table, decidedly brushing off the eyes that followed her. She put her food down and sat in the chair across from her boss’s boyfriend, attempting to act casual as the quiet chatter toned down in order to hear what happened next.

Peter looked up when she sat down, seemingly confused that somebody was joining him at his table. When he saw that it was Jenna, however, he cracked a bright smile. He took out his earbuds and put them back into the carrying case before shutting off his phone and setting it face down on the table.

“Hey, Jenna!” His tone was bubbly, an air of familiarity to it. Just hearing him talk made Jenna feel calmer; the boy had a way of doing that.

“Hey, Peter,” she greeted back, less excitedly but still conveying that she was happy to see him again. “What’s up?”

“Not much! Tony’s in a meeting and I decided to come down here for lunch. I didn’t like how quiet it was.”

“I think you mentioned that once. That you don’t like being alone in spaces, I mean.” Jenna paid attention to every word in every letter she received from the young man. She felt like she connected to him in a way that she’d never connected to anybody before; it wasn’t like any friendship she had in the past.

“Yeah. It just feels nice to know that the world is still turning and I’m not completely alone.” He looked sad for a moment, eyes glazed over and distant. It was a somber kind of happiness, a mix of emotions that weren’t supposed to be mixed in case of an explosion, but not a loud one; it was more of a combustion, internal and quiet, soft and powerful. “But, anyways, what’ve you been up to?”

“Not much,” Jenna replied, trying to move on from the delicate moment. “Been working on the prototype for the prosthetics and I think it’s going well. There’s a few bits and pieces that me and my teammates have gotta work out before we send the design to our lab director, but I think we’ll get there soon.”

“That’s really cool! I honestly can’t wait for the prosthetics line to go into production! I think it's really gonna change the game since it’s gonna be a high tech line but also more affordable than the competitors!” Peter’s eyes were shining, the gleam replacing the far off look from only moments earlier.

“I’m excited for it too!” Jenna admitted. “I know it’s gonna help so many people and I can’t wait for it to go on the market!”

Peter opened his mouth to respond, but his phone buzzed before he could speak. He picked it up and read the notification, giving a small chuckle and typing out a response before looking up at Jenna.

“Was that . . .?” Jenna trailed off, unsure of how to finish the sentence but sure that the brunet caught her drift.

“Yeah,” Peter responded easily with a fond, but exasperated, look. “He finished his meeting and asked if I saved him some food from my lunch. I did, but I’m tempted to eat it myself and tell him to go get his own food.”

Jenna snorted.

“I’m not that mean, though, so I’m gonna take him the last two slices.” He slid his phone into his back pocket and his earbuds case into his front one before standing up and grabbing the plate with the two slices of pizza.

“I’ll see you later, Jenna!” he called as he walked away, heading towards the private elevator.

“See you, Peter!” With that, the woman went back to eating her lunch, as if nothing had happened at all.

When two people sat down at the table, Jenna looked up at them, only to find her two teammates, who had bewildered and suspicious looks on their faces. Dylan’s brow was furrowed and Ashley’s eyes were narrowed, the blonde obviously more dubious than him.

“What the actual fuck, Jenna?” she asked, voicing everybody’s thoughts.

“What?” the brunette replied as if she didn’t know.

“Don’t act all innocent! How are you so friendly with him?! This shit doesn’t add up!” Dylan nodded along to Ashley’s words. 

Jenna gave an exasperated sigh.

“Sorry, but that’s confidential information. NDA’s and all that, ya know?” She was trying everything she could to weasel her way out of it, but it was the first time she’d given her teammates a semi-straight answer, even if it wasn’t that revealing.

“Oh, come on, Jenna!” Dylan finally spoke up. “It can’t be anything that serious! Just tell us what’s going on?”

“I’m afraid that Ms. Locke is right, Mr. Hoffman. This is confidential information that Ms. Locke does not have the authority nor the necessity to reveal to you,” FRIDAY interrupted, garnering the attention of the people watching.

Jenna only shrugged under the intense gazes of her coworkers, but it still shut them up about it.

That was the fifth time Stark Industries employees saw Peter.

+1

It was relatively quiet for the next few weeks after the food court incident. While the suspicious glances remained, the questions had died down, though whispers still followed Jenna around as her coworkers spread rumors about how she knew Peter.

Speaking of the brunet, he hadn’t shown up since the incident, but he and Jenna had continued to exchange letters, becoming closer friends as time went on. The next time news about Peter came, it was only news for Jenna, as nobody else had any clue of how the young man was involved.

It had happened when Tony Stark had come to the R&D floor to talk to the employees there about the progress on the prosthetics line. Everybody had been trying extra hard to look busy as the man went around, all of them hoping to seem like they were valuable employees who actually did work.

Jenna’s team was the last that the billionaire came to, but as soon as he started talking to them, the brunette noticed something.

He had an engagement ring on.

The woman mentioned nothing, though she did freeze for a moment when she noticed it. Still, she pushed through and continued with the discussion about the progress they had been making.

When her boss later stepped away to answer a text, she quickly told her coworkers she had to use the restroom, rushing away and going down the hallway that Tony had gone down, which happened to lead to the bathrooms.

When she got there, she found him smiling down at his phone and typing quickly.

“Did you guys get . . .?” Jenna started, but trailed off at the end, startling the man a bit. He looked up at her, eyes a bit wide, but immediately recognized her. He looked confused at the question for a moment before realizing that her eyes were on his ring.

“Yeah, we did,” Tony answered, looking a bit sheepish as a blush painted his cheeks.

“How did it happen?” It was obvious that the girl was excited to find out.

“It’s actually pretty funny. I got down on one knee to propose and he looked so exasperated and I freaked out because I thought he was gonna break up with me or something. Instead, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. He was planning on proposing that night too.”

“That’s absolutely incredible!” Jenna told him excitedly, but still kept her voice quiet.

“When we told our friends, they all looked so unsurprised that something like that would happen for him and I.”

The two both laughed before the billionaire’s phone buzzed again.

“I’ve got a meeting in, like, five minutes, so I should probably go.”

The two said their goodbyes and he started to walk back out to the main area to head to the private elevator, but stopped and turned around before he could.

“Just do you know, you’re invited to the wedding.”

Without another word, he walked away, leaving Jenna standing there in shock. A million thoughts were racing through her head and her eyes were still trained on the end of the hallway where the man had disappeared from.

“I’m invited to the wedding,” she whispered to herself. Taking a moment, she shook herself out of it and began walking back to her team’s table to get back to work.

Before she could get there, though, Ashley rushed at her and grabbed her arm, pulling her back the way she came. The blonde pulled her into the women’s restroom and checked every stall to make sure they were empty before turning back to her coworker.

“What the fuck it this?!” She held up a letter and  Jenna immediately knew who it was from. She snatched it from her co worker's hand and skimmed through it, praying to Thor that it wasn’t one of the letters that explicitly mentioned Peter dating Tony. She then proceeded to thank Thor when she realized that it was one one of the notes that mentioned a relationship, but not outright who it was with.

“Okay, Peter and I have been talking through letters. So what?” she replied, attempting to keep her voice steady so it sounded like she wasn’t fazed by the whole thing.

“Are you fucking with me?! You’re friends with this mysterious dude who’s all buddy-buddy with Tony fucking Stark and you’re expecting me to just let that go?! You’re out of your mind!” Ashley was obviously worked up about the whole thing and the brunette didn’t know what to say, but, luckily, her coworker started talking again before she could get a word out.

“You’ve been so secretive these past couple months and it’s been annoying as all hell! You’re not telling me anything and it feels like I’m so disconnected from you! Just tell me what’s going on!”

“I can’t! I can’t tell you what’s going on! I’m sorry that I don’t wanna lose my fucking job just so you can know every aspect of my life! Just let it go and leave me and my letters alone!” Jenna blew up, which was something she didn’t do very often.

Unsurprisingly, Ashley looked taken aback, shock written across her face. Jenna immediately regretted it.

“I’m sorry,” she told her friend softly. “I just can’t tell you.”

Jenna turned around and left the bathroom, the letter in her grasp. As soon as she was out, she went to her lab director and asked if she could leave a little early, giving the excuse of feeling sick. Of course, her lab director was understanding as always and let her go. She quickly gathered her stuff, ignoring the looks from Ashley and Dylan, and hightailed it out of there.

+++

“Dylan!” the R&D lab director, Kelsey, called from her office.

The man shot up from his team’s table, where the silence was as dense as molasses and the tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife.

“Yes?” Dylan asked as he made his way over and placed himself in the open doorway. The director stood up and handed him a couple files.

“I have to go to a meeting, but these files need to be turned in. Could you take them up to the boss’s office for me?”

“You- you want me to take these to Mr. Stark?” His voice was a bit shaky.

“It’s not that big of a deal. You go to floor 89, you find the office with his name on it, you knock on the door, you tell him that I sent you, you give him the files, and you leave. I promise it’s not as stressful as you think it is.” Kelsey’s tone was comforting, but it did little to ease his anxieties.

“Okay,” he muttered, turning around and heading towards the elevator.

When the doors opened and Dylan stepped in, he found himself alone in the elevator. The silence was filled up by his anxious thoughts about what could go wrong. He spent the entire ride up trying to take deep breaths and remember that it was a simple job; just go in, give him the files, and leave.

The elevator stopped and he stepped off onto the eerily quiet office floor. It seemed that nobody was there and it freaked him out; it felt like a horror movie. He crept along the halls until he made it to a door with his boss’s name on it. He raised his hand to knock until he heard voices coming from inside.

“I don’t get why it’s such a big deal.” That was Tony Stark’s voice, and Dylan recognized it immediately.

“It just is!” A voice replied. It took Dylan all of three seconds to realize that it was the mysterious Peter who seemed to show up at the most random of times.

Against his better judgment, Dylan peered through the semi-open blinds that covered the windows of the office. When he did so, he found Peter sitting on the edge of the desk and Tony a couple feet in front of him.

“It doesn’t seem like that hard of a decision. If you don’t like this guy, don’t invite him to the wedding! It’s so simple!” The billionaire looked confused at the dilemma at hand, though Dylan had no clue what they were talking about. He was getting married?

“But it’s not! I don’t want to invite him, but it would be rude if I didn’t!” Peter looked worked up about the whole thing, face slightly flushed and fiddling with his hands.

“It might be rude, but if you don’t want him there, then don’t invite him!”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Except that it is.”

“Maybe for you!” It wasn’t a yell, but it wasn’t quiet. Peter had stopped fiddling with his fingers and was now pulling slightly at his hair.

“What do you mean?” Tony spoke like he could accidentally shatter the young man in front of him if he wasn’t careful.

“I mean that you’re Tony Stark. You’re a famous billionaire that can do whatever you want. If you don’t want to invite somebody, you don’t invite them. You don’t care if it’s rude because you’re Tony fucking Stark and you can do anything you’d like. I’m not like that, I can’t just do whatever I want. I’m Peter Parker, an average guy from Queens, and I’ve always been just that. If I’m rude, there’s consequences and it can actually affect my life. I have to think things like this over, even if you see it as trivial.”

Tony paused for a moment, letting the words sink in.

“Except you’re not just some average guy. You’re Peter fucking Parker. You’re incredible. You’re gonna change the entire world. Maybe I don’t get these kinds of things because I was raised in such a different world than you, but all I want is for you to be happy. Whatever choice you make here, I’ll be fine with, but that isn’t what I care about. I care about you, because you’re the most amazing person on this planet. You’re Peter Parker, the man I fell in love with.”

Dylan’s jaw dropped as he finally found the closure he’d been seeking for months. He knew what Peter’s last name was, he knew what relationship he had to Tony Stark, he knew who Peter was. He had never expected this, though. He cringed as his mind went back to that theory he had about Peter being Tony’s son.

He watched as the two shared a short kiss and finally moved back in front of the door, feeling the need to give his boss the files, run back down to his floor, and tell his teammates everything.

Dylan knocked on the door and he could almost feel the two men inside freeze in shock. It only took a second before the door opened, though, and revealed Peter Parker standing there with Tony Stark slightly behind him, both of them looking worried.

“Uh, I’m from R&D and my lab director, Kelsey, asked me to deliver these files,” Dylan stuttered out, failing at his attempt to remain casual.

“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, thanks,” Peter replied, seemingly relieved as he took the files.

“I, um, bye, I guess,” Dylan stammered before turning around and booking it out of there. He could feel the two men’s eyes on him as he left.

When Dylan got to the elevator, he pressed on the button a few times, praying for it to arrive faster, and jumped on the moment the doors had opened wide enough to get through. He then adamantly pressed the button for the R&D floor. The elevator ride down felt much longer than the one up.

When Dylan did get to his floor, he raced through the doors and to his teammates, grabbing each of them by the upper arm and dragging them into the men’s restroom. He checked every stall to make sure they were alone before locking the bathroom door and turning back to his teammates.

“You guys aren’t gonna believe this!” Dylan announced. “I found out some crazy shit!”

“Why am I here?” Jenna asked him in a deadpan voice. “Can I leave?”

“Jenna, you’ll actually wanna hear this! I found out who Peter is!”

Ashley and Jenna both froze, but for different reasons.

“You gotta tell us!” Ashley exclaimed excitedly.

“No, you better fucking not!” Jenna said over her.

“What?! Why?!” Dylan looked genuinely confused.

“Because we’re not supposed to know! It’s obvious he wants to keep his identity a secret! You can’t go around telling people! You need to tell him and Stark that you know so they can feel sure that his identity won’t get leaked!”

“God, you’re such a buzzkill, Jenna,” Ashley shot at her.

“No, I’m a good person.”

It made her teammates go silent, the words piercing through them like knives.

“If you wanna go and tell and lose your job, then go ahead, but I want no part of it.” Jenna turned around and started to leave.

“Do you know?” Dylan asked her, making the woman stop in her tracks.

“What?” Jenna slowly turned back to him.

“Do you know?” he repeated, voice cold and serious.

Jenna stayed silent for a few moments, mulling over what she could say.

“Not on purpose . . .”

“And you didn’t tell us?” Ashley questioned, betrayal written across her face.

“Sorry I respect their privacy!” It was obvious that she was very much not sorry.

“Wait . . . did you find out when you went back to get your jacket after the presentation?!” Dylan exclaimed, looking like he had put all the puzzle pieces together. When Jenna stayed quiet, he knew that he had gotten his answer. “Holy shit! What happened?! Did you, like, see them kiss or some shit?!”

“Kiss?!” Ashley shouted.

“Jesus Christ,” Jenna muttered, putting her head in her hands.

“No fucking way! They’re in a relationship?!”

“Yeah!”

“That’s it,” Jenna declared decisively and turned around.

“Where are you going?” Ashley asked her, bewilderment shining in her eyes.

“I’m going to go tell them that Dylan figured it out and that you know,” Jenna told the blonde, voice laced with venom.

Jenna unlocked the door and left, not letting her teammates get another word in, but the two followed her out and watched as she stormed past all her coworkers and to the elevator, disappearing as soon as the doors opened.

“I might lose my job,” Dylan muttered, eyes wide and trained on the now closed elevator doors.

“Is it true?” one of the other employees, Amelia, asked as she walked up to Dylan and Ashley.

“Is what true?” Ashley replied.

“That Peter and Stark are in a relationship? You guys were implying it in there, and you aren’t exactly good at being quiet.”

“I’m definitely gonna lose my job,” Dylan whispered, correcting his earlier statement.

“So it is true!” Eric, another employee, shouted.

Everybody started talking, the floor turning into a storm of chattering.

“We’re so fucked. We’re absolutely, completely, utterly fucked,” Ashley murmured, only loud enough so Dylan could hear, and the man only nodded in agreement.

The two slowly walked forwards, looking around at their gossiping coworkers as they made their way back to their desk. They looked completely horrified, and guilt was quickly eating away at Dylan.

Before they could sit down, the elevator doors opened and Jenna walked out with Tony and Peter in tow. Everybody stopped, staring at the three of them. Peter looked nervous and tears were glistening in his eyes, but Tony just looked furious, his expression mirroring Jenna’s.

“Okay, which of you knows?” Tony asked the room, his voice deadly calm. He didn’t yell or scream, but that steady tone was almost worse than him blowing up at them.

One employee raised their hand, and everybody else followed, the last people to put their hands up being Ashley and Dylan.

“All of you, go to the auditorium. Now. All the other employees will meet you there. Do not say a word of this to them before I get there to talk to them about it. Do I make myself clear?” 

If looks could kill, all of the R&D employees, minus Jenna, would be dead. All of them mumbled their confirmations or nodded and slowly shuffled off to the elevators, heading to the auditorium floor.

Ashley and Dylan had fallen into the back of the crowd and were the last to get onto an elevator, meaning they could see the floor before the door closed. The two watched as Tony turned back to Peter and Jenna, who were looking regretful and heartbroken respectfully. The last thing they saw before the elevator started moving was Peter beginning to cry and burying his face in Tony’s shoulder as the man embraced him and Jenna putting a comforting hand on his back.

By the time the R&D employees reached the auditorium and began to make their way into the seats, other employees were either already there or just getting there. There was chatter, a mix of people confused why they had been called there and those who knew praying that they wouldn’t be fired. The chatter seemed to die down a bit as everybody was seated, all of them waiting in anticipation for whatever was going to happen.

After a few minutes, the doors of one of the entrances to the auditorium, which had been closed, slammed open. Everybody turned, though plenty of them couldn’t see the doors, and watched as Tony Stark stormed down the aisle towards the stage, Jenna Locke behind him and looking slightly less, but still plenty, furious. The two made their way up the three stairs that led up to the stage.

All the employees gazed up at the two standing center stage, and they were glaring back at them with serious faces. After a moment of silence, Tony finally spoke.

“I’m sure the majority of you are wondering why I called everybody to the auditorium. Today, somebody found out something that they shouldn’t have about my private life and, instead of coming and talking to me about it in order to keep it confidential, they went and told somebody, and those people’s department overheard. That person who found out and told will be fired and the person who was first told and was complicit in revealing information about my life will be put on probation.”

In the back of the auditorium, Dylan and Ashley sank down in their seats.

“You may also be wondering why I have one of your coworkers up here with me today. If you weren’t already aware, this is Jenna Locke.”

Jenna gave the audience a curt nod.

“Jenna also found out about this information a couple months ago. Instead of telling anybody, she talked to us and promised to keep it to herself, and she has kept that promise. She was also the one who told me about the information leak.”

The employees, minus the R&D department, were on the edge of their seats, eager to find out the information but scared of their boss and what he could do to them if things got out.

“Seeing as nothing can seem to stay a secret here, I have elected to talk to you all about it. Keep in mind that what happened in terms of this information being revealed was a serious breach of confidentiality and disrespected not just my own privacy. Take this as a warning. If any of you are to tell anybody outside of this company about this, your employment will be terminated and my legal team will sue you to kingdom come. This is not a three strikes you’re out situation. Do not tell a soul about this. Keep in mind the fact that you all signed non-disclosure agreements when you took this job. This counts as a company secret, and you will treat it as one.”

Everybody seemed to nod or give a murmur of confirmation. It wasn’t much, but it appeared to satisfy the man.

“Moving on, I’m sure you’ve all either seen or heard about Peter. Only a select few of you know who he is, though without his consent, and others have seen us interact but never known who we are to each other. This information about our private lives was discovered and we have no choice but to let you all know in fear of rumors and gossip being spread around and taken outside the company. Everybody, please meet my fiancé, Peter Parker.”

The room was shocked into silence, the only sound being the clacking of Peter’s shoes as he softly walked out from the wings and to Tony’s side. None of the employees uttered even a sound as they looked up at the boy, whose eyes were still slightly red and puffy from when he had cried only ten minutes earlier.

“Hey, everybody. I’m Peter. You’ve all probably seen me around,” the young man introduced himself, voice only loud enough to hear. “Like Tony said, we weren’t planning on telling people yet, but we don’t get that choice anymore.”

They were still silent.

“Since this will be your only chance to do so, we’ll be answering questions about this,” Peter continued. Nobody spoke, until one person in the third row raised their hand and the young man motioned to them. “Yes, go ahead.”

“How, uh, how old are you?” the woman asked quietly, looking slightly concerned.

Peter sighed as Tony looked to him with a humorous smile.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he told the billionaire, who didn’t have a chance to respond before Jenna started laughing a bit. “You too?! I can’t believe you would betray me like this! This happens every fucking time!”

The employee who asked furrowed her eyebrows, seemingly mirroring the confusion of the rest of the audience.

“I’m twenty-one,” Peter told her. “Tony likes to make fun of me because I look like I’m not old enough to drive. Jenna’s laughing because she asked the same question when she found out.”

The woman nodded along with the explanation and everybody went silent again before another person raised their hand and Peter pointed to them.

+++

Eight Months Later

“And this is your team!” Kelsey told the new employees excitedly. “Meet Jenna and Ashley! They’ve been here for a while and are definitely excited to show you the ropes!”

“It’s nice to meet you!” Jenna greeted. “What’s your name?”

“I’m River,” the new guy replied quietly, cheeks flushed.

“I’m glad to have you on the team, River!” Ashley exclaimed.

“I’ll leave you all to it!” Kelsey gave River one last smile and walked off to talk to some teams about their projects.

“We’re finishing up some last touches on the update to the prosthetics line,” Jenna explained to the new recruit as he sat down. He nodded along as she began to explain the project.

Jenna was cut off by the elevator doors opening and Peter walking onto the floor.

“Excuse me for a second,” the woman told her team before jumping up and running over to the brunet.

“Who’s that?” River asked Ashely as he watched Jenna excitedly embrace the man and begin to talk to him.

“Have you signed all your NDAs?”

River nodded.

“Peter!” Ashely called. “Come meet the new kid!”

Peter bounded over eagerly, a large smile on his face as he approached the two employees, Jenna trailing him.

“Uh, hi, I’m River.”

“Nice to meet you, River! I’m Peter Parker. It’s always great to see new faces around here!”

“It’s great to be here,” he replied awkwardly.

Peter nodded and was off again, going around to teams and helping with projects, but, more importantly, just talking to the employees in general.

“Is he a director or something? Everybody seems to know him,” River questioned his team.

“He’s even better than a director,” Ashley told him with a grin. “He’s Tony’s Stark’s fiancé.”

Shock painted itself across River’s face.

“There’s no way that’s real!”

Ashley and Jenna glanced at each other before turning back to River. They didn’t say anything else to him, which was unnerving to the new employee.

As if on cue, the elevator doors opened once more and the Tony Stark walked out, a small smile adorning his face. Peter worked up from where he was helping a team and flitted over to the man happily. The two shared a short kiss before Peter turned back a bit.

“We still on for lunch on Friday, Jenna?”

“Of course!”

Peter shot her a smile and the couple entered the elevator, talking quietly as they disappeared behind the metal doors.

“Okay, so maybe it is real.”

Tag List (Let me know if you would like to be added or removed):

@darkerstarker @dim-ships-johnlock @haylove5

[antiwhores]

Bakugou’s game.

Angst with no comfort so if you a pussy leave on god. Tw: no spell check, cheating and shit. Well kinda, unintention cheating? Intentional but not intentional- DAMN JUST READ THE STORY.

Summary: Bakugou plays with your feelings in an attempt to make you get jealous but he goes to far and shit.

Part two!

All night all you’ve seen is just Katsuki being flirting with her. A new girl, Kaminari had brought her as a plus one. Apparently she was a family friend. They weren’t dating, she just begged to go so he said yes. She was a fan of a lot of the people attending.

No one noticed except you. Another plus of having a secret relationship. He always does this when he’s feeling petty. You both had a fight before about something insignificant. You called him stupid during the argument. In your defense, the whole thing was stupid. He was stupid, you were stupid, etc.

You watched as he completely ignored you the entire night. He would barely glance at you. Only giving his attention to the girl.

He was playing a game, a game you hated. A game you couldn’t win at. He’d done this before to get a rise out of you. When you’d get jealous enough and confront him he’d get hard and start to fuck the security into you.

It worked at first, but theres only a couple times you could play this game with him before the insecurity wasn’t temporarily.

Suddenly the dress you wore looked ugly. Your makeup wasn’t as good as hers. Your hair wasnt what he liked. Your body wasnt as fit as hers. Everything was wrong.

You poured yourself another glass of alcohol to numb your senses as everyone chatted at the table you occupied. The glass blocked the sight of her hands wrapped around his bicept. Unfortunately, it couldn’t block hearing either.

“Oh my god, I would do anything to wake up to you. Im so jealous of whoever got the privilege!” She whined, lip pouted. You had learned her name was Essy, you didn’t want to trouble yourself with memorizing it but you couldn’t help yourself. You imagined him moaning her name instead of hers. It hurt. You downed more alcohol.

“I could make that happen,” He smirked at her brightened up face. “Only if you show me how you foreign girls sleep.”

That was the last straw. You couldn’t stand it anymore.

You calmly stood up, “Excuse me you guys, I gotta go take care of something.” “Are you sure y/n?” Kaminari questioned. “I still haven’t taught you my sick dance moves!” You faked a laugh, “Next time!”

Everyone waved you off as you headed towards one of the vacant rooms. This place was a mix of a hotel and club. It was opened late nights only and gave people a place to stay and party to prevent driving home drunk.

As soon as the door closed you let out a shaky breath. You climbed over to the bed to start your thinking. You had little time before Bakugou would come in the same room, expecting some jealous fucking. You couldn’t do it anymore. You hated feeling so replacable.

You sucked up the tears that begged to fall as the door opened. Just as you had thought, Bakugou came waltzing in with a smirk on his face. He was midway of unbuttoning his shirt. You felt angry how easily he thought it was to get you to just submit to his body even after he’d done horrible shit.

He threw your bag onto the bed, “You forgot this, its like you wanted me to come in with you.” You clicked your tounge, “No, its just cause I was too distracted by your new girl fondling you.” He unbuckles his belt, smirking at your comment. “Hmm, well shes still waiting for me out there so you better stop being bratty.

Your face felt hot with anger, He cant take a fucking hint? You shot up to walk away. You didn’t want to freak out on him right now. You felt way too exhausted to not act rash. But he grabbed your neck and pulled you into a heated kiss. “Mmm, bet that slut doesn’t walk away mid moment.”

Although it was meant to be some sick joke you couldn’t stop yourself. Your hand had crossed his face, making a loud sound, before you could even process what you were doing. “I can’t fucking believe you.” You sobbed. He stopped his advances, “What the fuck?! Why’d you slap me?” Heavy tears started to fall down your face as he grabbed his face. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Your knees buckled into the wall, “I cant.” He stared in shock at you for a couple of moments before speaking again. “Why the hell are you crying?! You know I don’t actually want her!” “Except I dont!” You yelled, “You haven’t looked at me all night, not even a glance. You’ve given her all your attention. You went out of you way to make my night horrible. She’s been all over you! You’ve been all over her. You threatened go sleep with her for Christ sake!”

He pulled your arm away from your face, “That was all an act to make you jealous dumbass! I only wanted you this whole time.” You pulled your hand away from his. “An act, huh? I never liked this act. It makes me insecure, you make me insecure. And you think you can just pull your dick out and I’ll be okay?!”

He was frozen, you thought about how he definitely wasn’t expecting this. He probably thought he would get his dick wet and all will be swell. Stupid. He followed you as you went to grab your purse and car keys. “I only want you! I did that to get you!” You headed for the door, “Well, you cant go get to her, as you said like a minute ago. Shes waiting for you, isnt she? Cause I’m not playing this game anymore. Im done Katsuki.”

You reached for the doorknob to leave but he pushed you up against the door. “What the fuck? What do you mean?” He looked panic, good. “I mean, we’re done.” His face paled at your comment. His whole body tensed and his eyes widened. “You’re…. You’re breaking up with me?” He possessively grabbed your waist to wrap his hands around. You arched away, “Get off me.” “Im sorry, I won’t do it again. Just stop. Stay.” “Get off me.” He started to tear up with his teeth clenched. “Please y/n! Ill do anything. Ill buy you anything. I’ll do everything you say. Ill even go out there and fucking destroy that bitch myself! Just please-“

You pushed him away with all your might. It wouldn’t have worked if he wasnt so suprised you would try so hard to get away from him in the first place. “Dont ever talk to me again Bakugou. Enjoy the single life.”

You were glad that he was too shocked to go after you.

[no-droids]

Whenever You Want

Part Fourteen of the Rough Day Series

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.2K

Warnings: Listen there is some dirty smut in this one yall okay like I was blushing when I wrote it, it has a very stark beginning and theres a pagebreak afterwards if you would prefer to skip over it. Smut includes oral sex (female receiving) rough sex, sensory deprivation, butt stuff (ass to mouth, anal fingering/penetration) so PLEASE LOOK OUT FOR IT PLEASE. Also there is jealous/possessive mando in this, season 1 Karga makes another appearance, and some angst/fluff towards the end

A/N: Nothing much today yoditos just love you all

***

Din said he’d meet you here.

You’re currently sitting across from Greef Karga in a cantina on Nevarro, a closed shield next to you and a blaster tucked into the back of your waistband, hidden underneath your shirt.  You’re barely even looking at him, though—your eyes are attached to the door by an invisible string, forcing your gaze back to it no matter how much it bounces around the room.

You don’t know where Din is, you haven’t seen him in hours.  But you do know that when he left, he was moving slower than you’re used to.  You don’t think anyone else would notice, but you sure did.  Not that he was obvious about it—you only picked up on very subtle hints.  Leaning up against things just a bit more than he usually does.  Taking slightly longer exiting the ramp of the Crest than his normal strides would carry him.

He didn’t say what he was going to do—just that he needed to find someone before meeting with Karga, and you accepted it.  But truthfully, you didn’t want to.  You were worried about him—still are, actually.  But for all intents and purposes, he was speaking and acting like himself, showing no real signs of exhaustion other than the smallest instances you described before, so you didn’t really have a leg to stand on.  He’s been through way worse, and you know it.  You just… find yourself worrying about him so much more than you used to, and you need to learn how to gain some control over that part of you.

The kid was still passed out from healing him and you remember Din carefully setting four pucks down in the sleeping baby’s sphere and giving his ears a gentle rub between leather fingers.  He turned back to you and told you to meet him at the cantina in three hours, but if it ended up taking him too long for any reason, to try your best to see if Karga will let you exchange on his behalf.

Admittedly, he didn’t sound too confident about it—the instructions were delivered with a tone that implied a doubtful, just-in-case scenario he wasn’t foreseeing happening.  Or maybe he just doubted the likelihood of Karga agreeing to do business with you, you’re not entirely sure.  All you know is that when he left, you were almost certain he wouldn’t be late, but you also took the time to grab the smallest blaster from his armory before heading out just in case.

Yet—here you are, three and a half hours later, eyes flicking between the door and Karga as you attempt to keep up polite conversation.  After turning down his offer of alcohol for the fifth time and still not seeing any glimpse of beskar coming to your rescue, you figure this may be as good a time as any to start the exchange.

During an extended break in the small talk, you slowly reach over to the corner of your booth and press a button on the face of the kid’s shield.  It hisses open and you completely miss the way Karga’s hand raises while three of his guards automatically reach for their hips.  The little green monster is still snoozing comfortably while you pull out the four glowing pucks Din left you and set them on the table one by one.

They scrape along the top of it as you slowly push them over to him, before sitting back in the booth and clearing your throat, flicking your eyes between Karga and his guards.  To you, nobody appears to have moved, so you muster a polite smile at him.

Karga smiles back, but makes no move to gather or inspect the offerings in front of him.

“Um…” you say after a moment, suddenly feeling your heart start to beat a little faster.  “Mando… Mando gave me permission to exchange on his behalf.”

“I believe you,” he drawls out in response, but the pucks still sit untouched in front of him as he leans back in the booth and studies you.  “Mando has always had a… let’s say, a frustrating penchant for disregarding the pillars of our code.  My apologies, young lady, but I’m afraid that I cannot accept these from you.”

Your voice comes out quieter than you’d like it to sound.  “Why not?”

“It is… unlawful,” he answers after a moment.  “Our organization operates under strict rules.”

Does it?  You blink.  No, it doesn’t.  You’re nothing to the Guild and you’ve sat next to Din quite a few times while Karga talked, listening to him drunkenly boast about return rates and out members by name.  You’re not sure why he’s barring you like this, but you’re also not self-assured enough to put practically any spine into it whatsoever.  “I’m… afraid I don’t understand.”

“I cannot legally do guild business with individuals not recognized as members in an official capacity,” he sighs, sounding grave and almost apologetic about it, but you don’t know him well enough to know if he’s a good actor or not.  “There’s nothing I can do for you besides provide you with my company, not until Mando decides to show.”

Well now that doesn’t make any sense, and you’re starting to worry that for some reason or another, he isn’t going to show.  Though it was incredibly well concealed, you’re well aware that Din was still lingering in the final recovery stages when he left the Crest earlier and all you have to go on is his word that he’d be here.  Something could’ve happened.  Something could be happening right now, you need to push.

“People pick up bounties for extra credits all the time,” you mumble, still way too fucking quiet about it.  Maker, you’re not even sure if he could hear that over the sound of the cantina.  Speak up, speak up.

“Yes, but those quarry are listed on the New Republic’s most wanted database,” Karga acknowledges diplomatically, educating more than he is arguing, before uncorking the bottle of glowing blue alcohol in front of him and beginning to pour himself another shot.  “They’re fodder.  Up for grabs—names, last known locations, and biometrics published for the entire galaxy to read.”  He tilts his head down at the four metal pucks on the table without removing his gaze from the gradually filling glass.  “Those pucks are different, they’re commissions.  Tied specifically to Guild contracts.”  Karga clunks the bottle back down again and corks it, pinning you with a stare.  “For all I know, you could’ve murdered a member of our ranks and come to collect payment for his bounties.  Can’t have that.”

Your blood suddenly turns to ice at the implication, eyes wide and your heartbeat rocketing as you look from Karga to the three guards casually stationed behind him.  “You—You think I murdered Mando?”

“No,” he says, easily and in the very same breath, before throwing the shot back and wiping his mouth with a grimace.  “Not sure I’d care too much if you did.  It’s not my rule, but I am required to follow it or risk losing my position in the Guild.”

Shit.  Shit.  What do you do?

You’re blank, left quiet and feeling increasingly unsure of how to proceed.  Karga, however, seems completely unbothered and even appears to be enjoying himself and your company.  He gives you another smile, this one a lot friendlier and more genuine than the one earlier, before setting his elbows on the table and leaning forward.

“Look, I want to help you,” he admits, keeping his tone light, “but my hands are tied.  Just relax and share a drink with me until he gets here, it’s not a problem.”

Fuck, you don’t like this, and a quick look around brings another reminder of Din’s continued absence.  Your chest feels tight, the anxiety starting to compound and make you jumpy.  It’s been too long—it’s been at least forty minutes or so of waiting by now and something just feels wrong about this.  Not having him next to you feels wrong enough on its own, but when he specifically told you he’d be here?

You clench your jaw and try to work up your nerve.  Karga is a nice guy, right?  He knows you by name, he knows who you are to Mando.  And while you never really thought about the bounty hunter’s omnipresent protection as being anything other than metaphorical, you suddenly realize that… it might be literal, too.  How much sway do you actually have here, you wonder?  You’re not stupid, you’re not going to try anything stupid, but maybe just another question won’t hurt?

“Well, um… how do you become a member, then?”  You ask him, and you watch as he leans back in the booth, raising both eyebrows at you.

“Excuse me?”  He asks, though there’s a genuine amusement in his voice.  Stunned that you’d even say the words aloud.

“I have four bodies,” you tell him shortly.  You’re still quiet about it, but his thoroughly entertained astonishment is beginning to rub you the wrong way.  You don’t want to be part of the Guild, you don’t want to be here, you’re doing this out of growing necessity.  “One of which I dragged through a blizzard on Hoth by its ankles and put into carbonite myself, so please just tell me what I have to do to get you to take them.”

“I can’t,” he repeats, shaking his head like you’re just not getting it.  “New members are only accepted if they bring in an S-level criminal from the database or if they complete a commission that was granted to them by someone of my station—neither of which apply to you.  If you cannot present me with any sort of reasonable argument for which they could, then I’m afraid this is not a favor I can swing.”

“I was sitting right here,” you return, suddenly finding your voice.  If Karga wants an argument from you to get this to happen, then you’ll do it.  You just need to finish this exchange, go back to the Crest, and scan around for Din’s signal.  “When you first gave the pucks to Mando, I sat right here and you pushed them over to this side of the table—I was present for the commission and now I’m here to complete it.”

He shakes his head.  “But I didn’t give them to you, I gave them to Mando—”

“Yes, but you only wanted to give him three,” you immediately point out.  “The last one, the one I told you I put into carbonite—you said you threw it in because you liked me, it could’ve been for me.”

Karga suddenly stops and blinks at you for a few seconds, and you bite your lip, wondering if the logic will hold.  It’s flimsy as fuck and you know he could very easily rip it apart if he wanted to.  It could’ve been for you but it wasn’t, he gave it to Mando.  You also purposefully leave out the fact that you’re also the reason Mando only gave him three bodies in the first place; your only goal here is to complete this transaction as quickly as possible and leave.  You don’t like the fact that it’s taking Din so long, and you also don’t like the fact that Karga seems so keen on keeping you here with him, no matter how many reassurances he provides.  He said he wants to help you?  This can be his chance to prove it.

After a few extended moments of consideration, Karga finally shrugs like he really couldn’t care less before reaching across the table for the pucks and beginning to stack them in his palm.

“What is your last name?”  He asks, turning behind him to gesture for one of his men with a jerk of his head.  The bodyguard exits the cantina without another word and your eyes flick back to Karga’s.

“Why does it matter?”  You ask uncertainly, watching another guard approach with a holopad as he shrugs once more.

“It doesn’t, but we need something for our records,” Karga explains, grabbing the device as it’s tapped against his shoulder without removing his gaze from yours.  “I can just use Doe if you don’t feel like sharing—most of our members tend to prefer anonymity, including your companion.”

Your eyebrows furrow even as your heart continues to pound, wondering how they can afford to be so lax about some things but take others so seriously.  “You have him down as John Doe?”

“First name Man,” Karga grunts in response, finally breaking eye contact to begin navigating through pages on the holopad.

“Ah,” you say shortly, knowing you’d probably find the joke funny in other circumstances.  You’re not out of the trenches yet, you still feel the worry tugging hard at your chest.

“Very well,” Karga announces with a sigh, pocketing the pucks in his leather overcoat and then handing the holopad back to one of the men flanking him after a moment.  “Someone is collecting the carbonite plaques from your vessel as we speak.”

You give him a nod, taking a deep breath that you hope is slow and subtle enough to not give your anxiety away.  He helped you out, you’re halfway through this.  Now comes the exchange.  Now it’s his turn to give you the credits and four more pucks, that’s how this should go.

Only, Karga leans back in his seat and cocks his head at you.  “Unfortunately, I believe we have found ourselves in the midst of yet another predicament.”

Your heart continues to slam, praying you haven’t somehow majorly fucked things up by getting this far.  Din still isn’t here, why is he so fucking late?  He nearly froze to death and you handled a dead body just to make this meeting on time, where the fuck is he?

You raise an eyebrow at him, willing the building panic not to show on your face.  “Have we?”

“You’re lucky credits are attached to commissions instead of rank within the Guild,” he prefaces, pulling out a large handful of them to begin counting, and your eyes flick around the cantina while you know he isn’t looking, “or else you’d be getting about half of what I’d normally give him.”

Heart galloping when you still don’t see any sign of him, you just decide to keep extra quiet as you watch Karga divvy out a sizable stack of credits, hoping your prolonged silence will protect you somehow.

“The question now becomes…” he lifts an eyebrow at you while sliding them across the table to you, “how many pucks do I give you in return, hm?”

Fuck, you don’t like this, you’re trying to make it crystal fucking clear that your intentions do not extend beyond the perimeter of this table.  There’s no you to be found in this deal, you’re just an emergency proxy in Din’s absence and you only inserted yourself in the situation to accomplish that task.  “I told you I’m only here to exchange on Mando’s behalf, that’s it.”

“Be that as it may…”  Karga glances around the cantina like he’s thinking extra hard about it.  This is a made-up problem, you both know there’s no predicament here.  He knows you didn’t kill Mando, he knows there’s no real reason to be giving you such a hard time about this, and you clench your jaw as he still seems to take his time considering it.  “Tell you what, young lady,” he finally turns back to you.  “Do me the honor of sharing one sip of this fine spotchka with me and I’ll give you four pucks to pass along to Mando.”

Okay.  Okay, you can do that, if he really cares that much.  Karga gestures for the closest droid to come by with a glass for you, but you just grab the bottle in front of him and uncork it without thinking too much, balancing the glowing blue liquid with two hands and diligently taking a small sip of it before setting it down again.  Appearing satisfied with your demonstration of upholding your end of the bargain, Karga grins and reaches into another pocket.

“Four for Mando,” he pushes four pucks across the table, “same rate and return as last time, as promised.”  You nearly deflate in relief as you quickly gather them up and begin dropping them into the snoozing baby’s shield along with the credits, but then Karga reaches back and pulls out another puck, pushing it over to you.  “And one for you.”

You blink at him, frozen in place.

“Lowest level, lowest pay.  Not even a criminal by New Republic standards, just a missing person,” he goes on to say, but then quite suddenly… 

Quite suddenly you’re absolutely fucking horrified.

You don’t want it.  Everything inside you surges up to scream that you do not want that puck.  It’s a waste of time, even if it’s an extra job—it’s too much trouble, too much fuel for such a small reward.  You already know good and well that Din won’t want to bother, getting this extra puck would be considered a detriment to him.

“What if I don’t want it?”  You ask, sounding nervous and vaguely out of breath as you look down at it.

Karga scoffs.  “Of course you don’t.  Nobody wants these, why do you think I’m trying so hard to pawn one off on you?”

Shit.  This is not at all how you expected any of this would go.  You know he’s not really asking, even if his tone and continued courtesy implies it’s only a request.  There’s an expectation attached to this, and it appears you take too long pondering an offer that isn’t actually voluntary.  Karga stares at you and your clear apprehension for just a few seconds more, before finally giving you an ultimatum.  “You said you’re here on his behalf.  You either take all five pucks now or Mando only gets three next time, your choice.”

Oh.  Oh, no.  This is a lose-lose; three pucks means more fuel and less credits, five pucks means more fuel and less credits.  It’s not like you have any real bargaining power here—almost everything he’s done for you today has been a favor of some sort and you’re well aware that things can always get worse.

Still, you take a deep breath and try your best to throw around whatever weight you have left in one final agreement.

“Give me your word you’ll go back to giving him four from now on, no more hassling or hard time constraints and we’ll take it just this once,” you tell him, trying to conjure and put power behind your words even though you’re unsure if they’ll stick.

“Deal,” Karga readily agrees with a smile, reaching his hand across the table.  You have no choice but to meet him in the middle and clasp it, unable to feel anywhere close to good about your performance here.  It was clunky and insecure and even though you just barely succeeded in making the exchange overall, you’re massively disappointed in the specifics.

But then Karga’s eyes quickly flick over your shoulder.

“Ah, Mando!”  He suddenly calls out, and your hand nearly snatches away from his while your body goes rigid.

Oh, this isn’t good, this is not good.  Well, it’s good that he’s here but it also really fucking isn’t.  You don’t even turn your head; you sit completely straight and still while the cantina falls to a hush and heavy footsteps begin to approach behind you.  You fucked up—you fucked up, you didn’t wait long enough and you feel the sharp regret instantly twist in your stomach.  He said he’d be here, why didn’t you trust him?  Your anxiety and stress compounded and spurned you to act too quickly, you made the deal a few fucking seconds before he showed up.

And, as Din eventually comes into your peripheral, taking his time leaning his rifle up against the table, you immediately realize that you should not have worried.  Recovery isn’t even a word in his vocabulary right now—he’s more intimidating than he’s ever been, more powerful and certain and dangerous while he lowers himself into the seat next to you than he’s ever felt to you before.  Everything is so quiet now that he’s here; you feel like even just swallowing against the sudden dryness in your throat turns into an audible gulp.  The man sitting across from you may own this cantina and every material good under its roof, but the one sitting by your side feels like he steals the literal air from the room just by walking inside it.

Yet, in spite of the daunting presence of the Mandalorian, Karga beams and tips his glass at him.  “I believe you’ve arrived just in time for your favorite part of the conversation, friend.  The farewells.”

You stare wide-eyed down at the table as Din leans back into the booth and very slowly extends his arm behind your shoulders, saying nothing at all to him.

The testosterone is radiating from him to the point of near suffocation, you can taste the alpha in the air.  Your heart slams in your chest at the unspoken claim he just made with a subtle movement, and though you’ve never been one for masculine displays, this one weirdly feels… good right now.  You know it’s primitive and crude and you’re not a piece of meat to be fought over, but it doesn’t feel like that at all.  It’s the immediate feeling of security that serves to heat your cheeks, the fact that you’ve been a nervous mess trying to be extra brave this whole interaction and then suddenly you have the backup of an entire army contained within one single suit of armor next to you.

If you weren’t internally panicking at how badly you screwed this shit up, you’d probably be going fucking feral for him right now.

Karga says your name and your gaze snaps to his, feeling like you can’t breathe.  “My associate has collected the plaques, nothing keeps you here any longer.  It was a pleasure doing business with you.”

Still, nobody at the table moves.

After a moment, you carefully glance up and to the side at the sharp, metallic profile of his helmet.  Maker, you can’t explain it—it’s like you feel terrified but not really for yourself, if that makes sense.  You’re upset with yourself for not having enough trust in his word, absolutely, but something in Din’s demeanor tells you that he’s going to be considerably less understanding of how Karga handled this situation than the way you did.

The helmet slowly turns down to look at you, and you bite your lip while carefully placing your hand on his thigh brace under the table, letting him feel your fingers brush against the bend of his knee.

He turns back to Karga after a few seconds, still not saying a single word, until eventually Din’s arm is lifted from behind your shoulders and you feel his leather fingers gently clasp your hand, before he starts to rise from the booth and pull you along next to him.  You both stand, and he silently presses a button on his vambrace without dropping your grip, urging the kid’s shield to follow along behind him.

“Um, goodbye,” you just barely remember to tell Karga as Din begins leading you away, apparently not waiting for the polite farewells he arrived in time for.

“Wait!”  A voice calls out just before you can make your exit, and Din pauses just in time for Karga to extend that damned fifth puck out for you to grab.  Right in fucking front of him.  “Can’t forget this!”

Fuck.  Great.  Thanks.

Blood rushes to your face while you go to reach for it, taking the puck and then placing it in the open shield along with four others in a way that you hope is casual but you know isn’t.  You close the lid on it and then squeeze Din’s hand slightly, but he stays rooted to the spot for a few more seconds, having watched the entire exchange play out.  Though you obviously wouldn’t be able to read his facial expressions even if you could lift your head to look up at him, you can’t will yourself to do so right now.  You’re too disappointed in yourself and nervous—you just stand there silently as he looks back at Karga, staring at your feet and praying he doesn’t do anything brash.

After too many moments of uncertainty, you squeeze his hand again and slowly begin to pull on it.  Without needing much pressure at all, he goes where you go, and you end up being the one to lead Din out of the cantina by the hand still tangled with yours.

*** 

The walk back to the Crest lasts an eternity.

Neither one of you say anything at all to each other the entire way there, and you know he’s not mad at you yet, but you’re worried.  You feel incredibly self-critical right now and it’s really not helping that he seems even quieter and more wound up than usual.  You don’t know if it’s because he already figured out that you just handed him extra work or if it’s because whatever made him late to the cantina also altered his mood, hit a reset button and reminded him of the way he used to be, the armor he’s wearing.  Was there a confrontation, you wonder?  Is he okay?  He seems like he’s… extra Mandalorian right now, there’s not really a better way to describe it.

He doesn’t drop your hand, though.  As you pass through the markets and shanty huts lining the streets, Din holds onto you.  Shoulders tense and strides heavy, but his fingers stay tangled in yours.

Regardless, you keep your mouth shut and eventually the Crest comes into view.  The ramp drops to the ground and the three of you make your way up, and you have enough foresight to carefully drop Din’s hand and lead the baby’s shield over to the unused cot built into the hull walls, closing him in a safe quiet place to sleep and continue building up his strength again.

You turn around to see Din press another button on his vambrace.  He stays with his back to you as the ramp slowly closes, but as soon as it latches up against the hull and locks into place, he nearly whips around and suddenly he’s right in front of you, gloves cupping your face.

“What happened?”  He asks sharply, the helmet looking you up and down.  “Are you alright?  Why did you look so scared?”

You reach up to rest your hands on his, blinking up at him and not knowing what to say.  How are you going to tell him?  He’s gotta waste extra fuel and time on a bullshit quarry because of you, what are you going to say?  You don’t even know if it’s last known location is nearby; he might have to fly to some remote, desolate corner of the galaxy just for a handful of credits because you couldn’t wait a fucking hour for him.

“I, uh…  I-I’m sorry, I just…”  But it’s nearly impossible to form a coherent thought when he’s this close to you and sounding fucking sincere, genuinely concerned about you while you’re stuck worrying about how to break the bad news to him.  “Oh, stars, um…”

“Did Karga fuck with you?”  He asks in that same sharp tone when you don’t finish your thought, but you’re so absorbed in your own conflict that you barely even hear him.  “Because I can go back right now, the cantina is just—”

“Okay wait, please—” You suddenly speak up, “before I tell you, just… please keep in mind that I did save your life two days ago, so…”

“Sweet girl,” Din rumbles slowly, a subtle warning for you to hurry up and spit it out.  His fingers tighten just slightly on your cheeks, still so gentle but needing you to communicate with him right now.

Tell him, you just need to tell him.  If he gets mad, then he gets mad, but at least he’ll know at that point and you won’t just be springing it on him out of nowhere.

“I fucked up,” you breathe out, eyebrows pulling up in the middle as you tighten your own grip on his hands.  “I’m so sorry, I fucked up and you were late and I got nervous and I didn’t wait long enough and I tried to make the exchange like you asked me to but then I had to take a fifth puck and I didn’t want to but Karga threatened to short change you next time around unless I agreed to take an extra one for the lowest pay just this once and I didn’t have any bargaining power and you showed up right after I agreed to the deal and I’m so so sorry—”

You cut yourself off with your own ragged gasp, not having paused once to breathe throughout the entire thing while your expression twisted up with regret more and more the longer he allowed you to speak.

Din stands there in front of you and doesn’t move, hands still attached to your face.

“Okay,” he eventually tells you.  Stunted words, like he’s trying extra hard to find them when yours just fell out of your mouth in a complete mess.  “It’s okay.  You did… good.”

The silence is tense and you’re becoming more and more anxious the longer he takes to speak.  He’s lying for your benefit, he must be.  When he drops his hands from your face and takes a full step back, you take the gesture as symbolic and nearly launch into panic.

“Maker, I’m so sorry I didn’t wait for—”  You start to say, but Din cuts you off.

“Did he make you…”  His back suddenly goes a little straighter, voice finding a quiet edge through the modulator as his fingers subtly twitch at his sides, “…Uncomfortable?”

You pull back at the sudden change in subject and furrow your eyebrows.

“Who, Karga?”  You have to think about it.  Did he make you uncomfortable, or were you just uncomfortable already?  You might’ve just been scared because you were making it scarier than it really was, you can admit that’s a valid possibility.  “Um… no?  I don’t know, not… not really, I don’t think.”

“No?”  He asks, taking a small step forward.  “You don’t know?  Or not really… you don’t think?”

You know you can only see the blade of his visor, but something makes you feel like you’re looking right in his eyes.  You even go back and forth between where you’re pretty confident each one is, trying to read his intentions right now.  It’s like he’s purposefully trying to keep space between you even though he looks like he wants to move closer, fisting his hands at his sides when he looks like he wants to touch you.

“No, he just… lowballed me towards the end of it and I got intimidated, but I’m also not…”  Your expression narrows in concentration while you try to find the words to explain yourself, wanting to be as honest as possible with him.  “I don’t know, I’m not like you.  I’m not that strong, but I’m trying to get better.  I think he was probably just being normal.  He did offer me alcohol a bunch, but I’m pretty sure he also did that last time, so—”

“And I didn’t like it the last time he did it,” Din says quietly, taking another small step forward.

You blink up at him, completely dumb.  This is what’s bothering him?  Is he really not upset with you at all for giving him more work?  It’s like the major fuckup on your behalf just went in one side of the helmet and out the other, he barely even acknowledged it other than the role Karga played.  He said it’s okay and you did good, which are like… five of the most common words in Galactic Basic, a Wookiee could probably find a way to say them.  How are you supposed to take that?  Were you just overthinking this whole thing from the very beginning?  You know anxiety tends to be irrational by definition, but has none of your panic from the past hour been justified whatsoever?

“Why were you so late?”  You ask him, but it’s not accusatory in the slightest.  It’s… concerned, worried about his well-being without having a real reason.  He’s clearly more than fine right now, he’s like a hurricane enclosed in metal and holding still in front of you.  Too much potential energy just waiting for a reason to be released, too much tension held tight and ready to snap.

“I’m sorry.”  He quickly reaches out to grab your hand and squeeze it, before dropping it just as quickly.  Fucking lightning quick, you’ll never understand how he can be so damn quick with all that extra weight strapped to him.  “It took longer than I thought it would and she’s not really someone you can rush.”  His response, ironically, feels very rushed, like he’s trying to address the tangent but also keep things on track, but something in the answer he gives catches your direct attention.  “Did he flirt with you?”

“Who is she and what can’t be rushed?”  You blurt at the same time, not even taking a split second to think about it.

Din stops short at the blunt question, staring at you in a silence that feels like it’s vaguely taken aback.

After a few moments of that… strangeness, of the two of you realizing that you’re both feeling slightly possessive over each other for absolutely no reason whatsoever, you start to feel… warm.  In another weirdly stupid, primitive way.  You know that letting those kinds of thoughts have their day in a relationship isn’t a good thing, but you can’t explain it.  Some deep-seated, prehistoric instinct inside you just goes fucking nuts whenever he gets in either provider or protector mode.  Now you understand exactly why he wanted to get you alone after you admitted to being jealous once before.  You totally fucking get it, you’re right there with him right now.  He hasn’t said anything, but you think he feels it, too.

“She makes things,” Din finally answers you, careful with his words and somehow managing to address your question while also sidestepping it, leaving you with only the smallest bit of information to go off of.  “Did he flirt with you?”

“I don’t know,” you tell him honestly.  “Maybe.  He could’ve just been trying to be friendly.  What did she make for you?”

“She made it for you,” he responds, again not really answering the question but continuing to juggle two separate conversations for your benefit.  “Did he scare you?”

“For me?”  You ask, eyebrows shooting upwards.  Provider, that stupid cavewoman DNA whispers to your lower body, making your voice go a little breathless.  “You asked her to make something for me?”

“Did he scare you?”  Din repeats sternly, grabbing your hand and giving it a firm squeeze.  “Because I can go back, I swear—”

Protector, it whispers this time, and your knees nearly buckle.

“Everything is scary when I don’t know where you are,” you admit to him, knowing it’s the truth regardless of how self-deprecating it sounds.  The only times you’ve ever truly been brave was because of him or the kid.  Stabbing a Corellian and then immediately flying the Crest out to him afterwards, walking through a pitch black forest believing a dangerous criminal was hiding in it, dragging a dead body through snow and shoving it into carbonite, standing up for yourself and pushing a deal through when odds were stacked against you.  Though it’s nothing to him, it’s nothing, it’s leaps for you.  You’re slowly learning to find a backbone, and he’s the one inspiring it.

Din holds there for a moment, unmoving with his hand still clutching yours.  You can’t get a read on him but you know how you feel right now.  Achy.  Hot.  Needy.  Wanting him to come closer.

“Will you do something for me?”  He asks you after a prolonged silence.  His voice is quiet, but… incredibly restrained.  Controlled chaos—his body is rigid and he’s flexing muscles that aren’t necessary for just standing, feeling like a sprinter holding still on the starting blocks.

“Of course,” you breathe out.

Din lets go of your hand and tilts his helmet over at the corner of the hull behind you.  “Go turn around and face that wall.”

You freeze, immediately recognizing the undertone in his voice.  Heat ladles deep into the pit of your tummy, sends warmth pooling downwards.  He wants to do this here?  Right now?

“We’re—” you look around the enclosed hull, “Mando, we’re not in hyperspace, we haven’t even left the surface yet…”

He looks around too, taking a second to blankly take in his stagnant surroundings like he had absolutely fucking no idea, before turning back to you and not saying a word.  Maker, everything below your waist is already stirring, twisting hot and deep inside, but you’re trying to be the voice of reason for a second.

“What if somebody hears us?”  You whisper, and Din cocks his head to the other side.

“I can help you stay quiet,” he murmurs, and… fuck.  You don’t know what it means, but you immediately imagine his hand held tight over your mouth while he takes some of this stress out on you and you already feel yourself wilting at the thought.  Okay.

“Okay,” you breathe without needing anything else at all, before spinning around and standing exactly where he told you to.  It’s just a corner near the back of the hull, nothing else here to look at besides two metal panels meeting at a right angle, but that’s admittedly what makes your heart start beating quicker.  You can’t see him come up behind you but you can feel it.  Slow, measured, but so restrained.

But then he stops almost immediately, before the back of your shirt is suddenly being yanked upwards and you remember at the very last second.

Din carefully grips his blaster and then eases it out of your waistband, the metal sliding warm along your skin from pressing against it for so long.  You never told him you took it with you, and he’s so fucking quiet behind you.  You have no idea how he’s reacting to that piece of information you originally didn’t think twice about.

“Do you like carrying my gun around?”  Din’s voice murmurs soft through the modulator to you, but then the blaster is tossed uselessly to the side, skittering loudly across the floor of the hull.

“Yes,” you reply, beginning to shyly turn your head back to look at him, hoping to gauge his response.

“Don’t turn around,” he quickly interrupts you, pushing your shoulder back into position and keeping you facing the corner.  You blink at the metal walls in a bit of a daze but follow instructions regardless, feeling your heart pound at the sudden display of dominance from him.  He has a very valid reason for it and you don’t realize what it is until a few seconds later, but even if he didn’t and he was just telling you what to do for the fun of it… you’d still like it.

But then his helmet is carefully being lowered over your head and you shudder as your vision is replaced with a familiar black abyss.  Fuck, his helmet, why does he like it so much when you wear this?  Admittedly, you don’t have much time to contemplate—as soon as it’s fitted and secure, he spins you around and you have to just do your best to maintain your balance, not having any visual to help.

“Can you hear me?”  Din asks, and your clothes start to be ripped off of you.  Your shoulders tip sideways with how quick he is about it, feeling him pull the fabric off and hearing the soft sound it makes landing on the floor.

“Yes,” you tell him, but he doesn’t respond, continuing to strip you completely naked in the hull.  Once your upper body is bare and he’s yanking your pants and underwear down your legs, you try saying it again as you step out of them, louder for him this time.

“I can’t hear you,” his voice grunts after a moment.  You know he’s in front of you but you can’t really tell where, now that he’s not touching you.  “Scream.”

You take a second, not having hard evidence anymore but still very well aware that you’re parked close to a marketplace on Nevarro and multiple people are nearby while you’re wearing his helmet.  This is dangerous for him, and not sure if you should, but then an arm is wrapping around your back and a large leather palm rests directly over your chest.  Din repeats his last word very slowly and clearly for you, waiting to feel it under his hands.

Your sternum lifts while it rises with your deep breath and then collapses as you diligently yell as loud as you can into the helmet, feeling like you might deafen yourself with the trapped sound.

“Good,” he growls, suddenly spinning you around and pushing you back into the metal paneling.  “I can’t hear you, be as loud as you need.  Hit me or something, put up a fight if you want me to stop, alright?”

Arousal rockets through you and you let out a moan already, taking advantage of the noise suppression and beyond turned on at this point.  You feel like you’re buzzing with it, lit up with excitement and wondering with bated breath what he’s planning to do to you.

“Alright?”  Comes his voice from behind you once more, and you quickly jerk the heavy helmet in a nod for him.  You can put up a fight and you know he’ll stop, you don’t have any problem with that and the fact that he specifically made sure to wait until he knew you understood him makes you start to pant inside the hollow beskar.

But then you feel him flick a small switch at the base of the helmet and then everything abruptly cuts out and goes dead silent.

Nothing.  Nothing.  You’re standing in a pitch black room where no other sound exists besides your own labored breathing.  Just like the waterfall on Naboo, but you can’t speak this time.  Temporarily making you blind, deaf, and putting a proverbial gag over your mouth all with one powerful piece of armor.

You shudder and he kicks your legs apart before you can do much else, yanking your hips back while you just try your best to cling to the wall for stability.  You don’t know what he’s going to do, you’re completely isolated in here and the only way you can even tell he dropped to his knees is the hot glide of his tongue through your pussy from behind.

Oh fuck—you arch into position as best you can while hands wrap around your ankles to pull them apart, trying to make the angle better.  His tongue licks softly over your clit and each time is like an electric shock jolting through your body, making you twitch back and up for him, stretching and begging him to do it again.  You can’t see anything right now so your mind readily imagines the visuals instead, providing you with a third party view.  Din, fully clothed and face shielded by your thighs, eating you out from behind while you brace yourself against the wall, completely naked and at his mercy, head tilted down from the weight of his helmet and living for the moments he decides to drag his tongue across your clit.

Without warning, a sudden burst of sensation ripples along your backside and causes you to lift the beskar in surprise, but without being able to hear anything, it takes you a second to figure out that he just smacked your ass.  The realization comes more or less at the exact time he decides to flatten his tongue and follow the curve of you back and up.

You gasp into the pitch black and there’s a moment where you just hold utterly still for him, experiencing and processing the sensation for the very first time.  His mouth is soft and warm as he tastes you here, his fingers digging into the swell of your cheeks to spread you open.  You’re glad your face is hidden so he can’t see the shock in your expression, the way your mouth drops and your eyes close as you let him explore you this way.

His gloved hands leave you for just a moment while he continues gliding his tongue against you, along every single bit of skin he can reach, and then you feel a bare hand reach up between your legs and begin to rub slow circles around your clit.  His other arm pushes against your lower back and you’re forced into the corner even more, your naked breasts pressing hard against cool metal and feeling his hot mouth and strong fingers work you closer to the edge from behind.

You’re panting into the helmet, your hips arching back to feel that stimulation on your clit better, and as his fingers move over it slow and strong, you feel a soft vibration against your skin and you realize he’s moaning into you.  The knowledge sparks a different kind of heat through you and makes you suddenly go still and tense right here.  If he stays just like this for even just a few more seconds, you’re going to cum.

“Din, I’m gonna cum,” your voice warbles inside the enclosed steel—just as his touch decides to abandon your body.  You groan loudly in distress, completely alone without his hands or mouth on you anymore, but all he likely hears is the silence of the hull and the way your palm smacks against the wall with it.  You were so close, everything feels like it’s pulled up so tight and painful and it hurts—

A hand clutches your hip and then a thick cock is suddenly pushing up against your soaking wet entrance, going to alleviate that twisting discomfort.  Your eyes roll back and your whole body goes limp as he slowly eases forward and breaks you open, fitting himself deep inside where you love to feel him most.  Your hands claw down the walls with a swell of bliss as he pulls out and then starts thrusting—and fuck, you love this.  You love the way he’s trapping you up against the corner and making you see stars at the same time, the way he’s supporting your weight but crushing down into you, too.  It makes you go boneless and want to riot simultaneously, groaning loud into the quiet abyss as he gives you what you both desperately needed.

One of his hands sinks down between your legs to play with your clit again, while a slick finger presses up against your ass and you gasp as he slowly penetrates you there, too.  Din’s hips work steady and powerful behind you, pushing you into the wall with every desperate thrust, using the arm shoved between your legs to support you as well as stimulate, and you just feel yourself move into a different place.  You don’t have a name for it but it feels like hyperspace.  Silence so loud it feels suppressing, faster than anything light can touch, nowhere and everywhere, hurtling towards something you can’t see but know lies in the distance.  You can tell he’s still fucking the tension out of his body, you can feel him working another wet finger inside you and stretching the virgin muscles back there, but every sensation begins to slowly blur together in a wicked uprising of ecstasy.

You don’t know where you are anymore, just that his fingers keep rubbing your clit and you think he's trying to ease a third into you when your destination abruptly arrives.

You nearly collapse when you cum, contracting so hard around his cock and fingers that you cry out unexpectedly—and because of the helmet, you think it’s just as unexpected for him.  He stops moving—everything stops moving besides you.  Your hips stutter backwards into his stationary body, dragging your clit back and forth against the tips of his unmoving fingers and fucking him as best you can.  It shatters white hot and goes straight through to your soul, wringing pleasure and wetness between your legs in waves.

Your knees are knocking against each other when Din pulls out, his cock still deliciously hard and now soaking wet with your cum, and then they just suddenly decide to give up without warning.  You don’t fall necessarily, but you do slowly slide down the wall like a slug and Din follows you to the floor instead of holding you up any longer.  His sternum moves quick and heavy against your back as he breathes and then suddenly the same switch at the base of his helmet is flicked, and sound bursts into existence all at once.

He’s panting.  Harsh breaths behind you that match the rapid pace of his chest, and the ambient noise of the rest of the hull.

“Can you hear me?”  He gasps, sounding fucking wrecked, and you nod the helmet against the wall while gravity and exhaustion and his beskar chestplate squishes you into it.  “P-Put up a fight if you want me t-to stop, p-please—” he rasps out, almost the entire thing air and so close to cumming, and then his knees lift just slightly and the blunt head of his cock presses against your other entrance.

And, if you wanted, you absolutely could.  He’s got you boxed into the corner but he’s not constricting your movements, he’s given you every ability to struggle.  You could easily throw an elbow back against his side, push against the wall to shove him away, smack at his arms or even just flail against his body in panic—you could do one or all of those things to signal him to stop and you know he’d do it immediately, he’s asking you to.  You could struggle.  If you wanted.

Instead, you just grab hold of the beskar strapped to his thigh and drop the helmet to your chest, nearly vibrating with the thrill and preparing yourself for it.  You know he’s gotta be inches away from orgasm, you know from the tone of his voice that he’s right there on the edge and it’s not like it’s going to last a long time.  Thanks to him, you also feel like you’re just as slick and wet back there as you are between your legs, stretched open by his fingers while you came all over him.  You want nothing more than to give this to him, to let him be the only person in the universe that knows how you feel this way.

When you pointedly do not put up a fight and even go so far as to arch your lower back for him in presentation, Din curses and his fingers begin jerking back and forth over your sensitive clit once more.  It might normally be too much for you, but your body is sparking with lust and quickly acclimates to the stimulation, learning to burn and ache for it, too.  Fuck, it feels so good, you tense and melt into it at the same time, letting him ease you back up to that peak once more.

He pushes up against the tight ring of skin and you can’t fucking explain it—his fingers keep rubbing your clit and he’s slowly pushing into your ass and—

“I—I think I’m—” you suddenly lift the helmet to gasp out in surprise, forgetting he can’t hear you, “ngh—D-Din, I think I’m gonna c—”

He’s just barely able to breach the tight entrance and fit the head inside before he freezes—and even though everything happens consecutively, it’s all so rapid that it feels simultaneous.

Your hips could go forward, but they don’t.  Your body decides to send you backwards into him, pushing him inside nearly halfway all at once as your muscles lock down and just fucking strangle his cock.  Your piercing scream gets trapped in the silence of his helmet as you cum once more—painfully, madly and with every fucking part of you for him.  There’s maybe one or two mind shattering pulses of ecstasy before the rest of your body catches up and starts convulsing, and by then Din is already gasping and fumbling behind you, suddenly realizing what’s happening without hearing the sound of your ragged warnings and then ripping himself away just in time.

He punches out your name when he cums like you just fucking snapped him in half—his body hunches and the beskar digs hard into your back as warmth starts splattering along your skin.  You crumple while he shoves his hips up against your spine, riding and working the orgasm out of himself while yours just fucking obliterates you.  You think you whine his name—or a curse word or something, but it gets strained and your lungs lose air every time his powerful armored body humps you into the wall of his ship.

Finally he eases up and you just lay there and listen to the ringing in your ears.  Blissfully empty, still pulsing from cumming so hard and feeling like your bones just decided to stop existing and the rest of you was okay with it since you were already on the floor anyways.  You feel him shudder and twitch behind you, letting go of that last bit of tension until he too allows gravity to slouch his heavy torso over onto you.

You both stay like that for a while, until your eyes close and your everything below your waist goes numb.  Eventually you feel him shift and your head bobbles as the helmet is slowly removed, but a large palm cradles your chin to stop your face from slamming into the wall in exhaustion once it’s off.  You just continue to melt into the paneling like you’re nothing more than goo of a human being while he trades it back to its rightful place on his shoulders and tucks his cock back into his pants, before wrapping his arms around you and lifting you both up.  The floor and metal walls, once feeling like you and them were one, suddenly decide to disappear entirely as you’re hauled up into Din’s powerful arms.

He slowly carries your naked, fucked senseless body over to the fresher, and you squint your eyes open over his shoulder to see… he’s still got his rifle slung around his back while his cum is dripping down yours.  Not a single thing on him is out of place and you’re, well… a mess is a word that works.  Limp and doll-like, carried like your weight is practically nothing to him after years of having the densest armor known to the galaxy strapped to his body.

Setting you down is a mess, too.  At some point you think he just gives up and decides to return you to your humble floor abode with a patience and care unexpected from someone who just defiled you so thoroughly.  You hear the fresher door open and the faucet squeak, before he turns back around and crouches to your level.

“Stay here,” Din tells you lowly, his modulated voice coming gentle and warm through the sounds of water raining down against metal.  You don’t feel his touch directly, but your hair moves away from your face.  “I’ll be right back, okay—just stay here.”

Can do.  Easy.  He waits until you murmur a soft mhm to him before he leaves the tiny compartment, and then you soon hear his heavy footsteps ascending the ladder to the cockpit.

***

You don’t think you fall asleep, but the powering up of the Crest’s thrusters make you realize your eyes were closed.  Opening them barely qualifies as a squint though; you look around to see steam slowly filling the fresher, the water already running hot and welcoming in the small room.

You know you need to shower but you’re so fucking exhausted, you feel like you can’t even move your body.  You also know you can just do the same exact thing in there as you’re doing in here, you just need to muster up the energy necessary to get inside it and then fall back asleep.  He set you down in the small little space outside the shower door and then got everything set up for you, you can at least stand up and take a few steps.

Unfortunately, you might pick just about the worst time possible to plant your hands on the ground and work to struggle upright on all fours like a newborn animal.  The steady rise through Nevarro’s atmosphere pushes gravity down harder than you’re expecting—is he trying to fly quickly or are you just that dead-limbed?—and then of course, by the time you do manage to fight it and successfully get on two wobbly legs to hold yourself up, the subtle shift of the hyperdrive kicking in nearly knocks you back down again.  You stumble and grab the walls, bracing yourself against them and looking down at your knees in exasperation.  Come on, work.  Move forward.  Come on.

You’re glad he’s not here to witness this monstrosity, honestly.  Just opening the door and taking a few steps into the fresher is a feat—while you’re not in any pain and he didn’t leave any marks on you, you just feel… steamrolled.  Ran over by a truck.  Only having the strength to keep your feet beneath you as you finally move under the water and close the door behind you.

Oh, but this is wonderful.  This was such a good idea, he’s so fucking smart.  The shower falls warm and lovely against your body, wetting your hair and immediately heating you down to your bones.  You don’t move really at all—you kinda just stand there and slouch, closing your eyes against the spray and slowly breathing the mist into your lungs.  It feels so nice—not really restorative even though you like that word, it would imply the water provides you with any energy whatsoever.  It just feels like a comfort, a relief and sedative for your already wildly fatigued body.

You haven’t been in here for more than a minute or two when knuckles tap gently against the metal walls of the fresher, before the natural bass of Din’s unmodulated voice murmurs from somewhere beyond it.  “Hey.  Keep your eyes closed.”

How did he know?  You figured you’d be way ahead of him.  You’re standing but slumped over, wanting nothing more than to just say fuck gravity and pass out right here.  The walls are too cold to lean against now that you’re all toasty from the heat and steam, so you’re just unconsciously swaying on your feet, trying to balance the precedence of sleeping versus not falling over.  You don’t even comprehend the sudden flip of the light switch overhead beyond the fact that it makes it easier to snooze without being so bright behind your eyelids.

The door eventually opens at the very same time you realize you never answered him, but you just commit to the silence at this point.  It’s easy, you like it.  Soon you feel warm hands touch your shoulders, slowly spinning you around while you follow and hang your head, your neck not wanting to support it any longer, and then suddenly a bare chest is pressing up against you and powerful arms are wrapping around your body, and you can just lean all of your weight into him while your head rests right here on his shoulder.

He holds you without moving for a long time, keeping you just like this—your ear pressed against his skin while water rains hot and comfortable down your back.  Knowing you’re facing one of the walls, you crack your heavy lids just the slightest bit and finally notice the tiny compartment is dim and shrouded—the only light source is a single one coming from somewhere in the hull beyond the partially closed doorway.  It’s dark and quiet and you can barely see anything besides the metallic fresher walls and unfocused droplets chasing each other down Din’s naked skin.  Just you and him, flowing water with a sheet metal backdrop.

You think you spend an eternity like that and yet you still find yourself wanting another when he finally shifts, reaching over you to grab a bar of his generic soap but making sure to use the arm whose shoulder you’re not currently resting against.

It glides slow and hypnotic down your back, dragging up over your sides and then back down the curve of your spine.  He’s so sturdy and he doesn’t say a word while he does it, lathering it along your body and rubbing it into your skin.  His bar of soap, not yours.  They started out almost the same since you picked them up at the same vendor, but there’s just a slightly bolder and sharper scent to his that you recognize.  How the bar is far larger than yours because of how often he’s gone away.

Your eyes droop and you feel the water trail over your lips, dripping down your chin and pooling the dip of his collarbone.  The only other time you two shared this fresher was terrifying and he’s rewriting the memories right now, whether consciously or not.  Hot water, not freezing cold.  Standing upright and supporting you.  Heart beating strong under your ear, taking care of you this time until you can care for yourself.

You… you just worry so much more now, it’s becoming an issue.  You didn’t realize how much until you nearly lost him, and you know in your heart that he’s just going to go away again.  Throw himself into more danger, tempt death as always, risk his life for mere credits while all you can provide in return is this.  Skin to skin contact.  Someone to hold.  Someone who knows him, who knows the way he struggles between reaching out for a softness that life has always denied him and clinging to what is rough and familiar.  Someone to remind him that there’s still gentle and forgiving things in this galaxy that won’t disappear when he’s gone, and that he can always come home to them, as long as he can manage to find his way back.

Something sad tugs hard at your chest.  You want to tell him not to leave.  Again, again—you want nothing more than to beg him to stay.  You don’t have anything better to offer instead; if he asked you how it would work, how you imagine your lives would go if he wasn’t hunting quarry on a constant timetable, you’d be hard-pressed.  You don’t know.  But you know what you want to say, because it’s two words you shouldn’t say but always find yourself needing to say regardless.  

Don’t go.

But, instead of two words, you give him three.

Instead of asking him not to leave you again… in the haze and comfort of his arms, you think you just tell him that you love him.

And… you also don’t think the water falling down on the two of you is loud enough to cover it up this time.

It’s not ideal, you know.  You know.  From his point of view, he just got finished releasing all sorts of pent up tension on you, overwhelming your body with the strength and power of his in a way that normal people wouldn’t take as an expression of affection.  But you know him.  You know that he finds it much easier to express the things he feels in a physical way, which is why there’s a bar of soap against your back right now instead of his voice in your ear, telling you all the things you’ve always wanted to hear from him in return.  You know that sex is how this all began and it’s likely just the closest link between roughness and sweetness that he can really put his hands on, something that can fit him equally as well as it fits you.  Love is different, it’s thrilling and scary.  Even to someone like him, who lives everyday of his life surrounded by thrilling and scary things, who’s seen more bloodshed and suffering and pain than you can ever even imagine, you know that it’s scary.

Din doesn’t say anything back to your confession, and truthfully, not a single part of you was expecting him to.  It wasn’t said so he could say it back.  It just is.  Some things don’t need explanations, they just are.  You’re okay with that.

But, you eventually come to realize that he always waits until you’re just on the very edges of sleep, holding out until your blurry vision and fading consciousness can trick you into thinking you only imagined it.  You won’t ever figure out if it’s purposeful or if he just needs that long to find what he wants to say.

Another soft, lilting sentence in a language you wouldn’t be able to translate, even if you could pick out a single word.  It sounds so beautiful though, regardless of how mysterious and far away its meaning feels.  There’s something hidden underneath.  You ache to know what it is.

But you’re so tired.  You just whine softly against his shoulder, not being able to transform the thoughts into sentences anymore but hoping he understands regardless.  He can’t just resort to bearing his soul in Mando’a all the time now, especially when you’re always on the verge of sleep when he chooses to do so.

But at some point, his arms subtly tighten around you and the pressure is one of the only things that’s keeping you awake anymore.

“I won’t ever ask you to,” he says to you, the quietness of his baritone getting lost in the gentle spray and your looming slumber.  “I’m…  not allowed to ask.  I can’t.”

Your expression twitches just the slightest bit against his shoulder in confusion, wondering distantly what word or sentence you must’ve missed from before that would make him make sense.  Was that a translation?  Or a continuation?

But then your wet hair is slowly moved away from your nape and his head tilts down, face pressing into your neck and voice lowering until it’s nothing more than a breath against your skin, nothing more than a confession that he couldn’t ever say out loud with his full chest.  It’s a secret he only ever wants you to know, a truth he’s choosing to admit to even though you could ruin him with it.  You have no idea how much, you won’t know for a long time just how much power he’s giving you by telling you this one very simple thing.

“But whenever you want to look,” Din finally whispers, the only version of I love you too that a Mandalorian knows.  “You can.”

[milqueandsugar]

🏵 Your Tea Is Ready 🏵

Parts:

https://milqueandsugar.tumblr.com/post/643788553154920448/can-you-techno-with-a-reader-who-is-constantly

https://milqueandsugar.tumblr.com/post/643889114110918656/idk-if-this-is-where-you-put-requests-but-do-you

Warnings: mentions of violence, blood, injury

Genre: Angst

| Hear No Evil, Do No Evil |

After your second kind of a date kind of not a date your very cateful around Techno

Every part of you tells you your being paranoid, but the other knows that theres something he isn't telling you

You know the piglin to well not to know when he's lying

And you care to much to ignore it

Convinced he's done something to upset you Techno doesn't search for your company like he used to

Something both him and the voices aren't very happy about

Being in love is a new emotion for him, he loves Philza sure, he loves Steven but he's never been IN love

He never realized how different those statements were before

Just like when he goes to many days without a kill the voices begin to get louder and louder, only this time he had no idea how to please them

Before he had lost everything he could lose he used to lock himself away during these fits

Know that he knows himself better, and how to control himself, he just goes around slaying any animal that crossed paths with him

Not the most elegant solution but it brought more peace to his mind

Now with no idea how to get the voices quiet he's resorted to quite literally trapping himself in his bunker

He know's your upset

He's convinced himself it's because of him

Theres no way in hell he's going to see you when all he can think about is how good you smell, how your smile makes his frozen heart melt, how soft your skin is compared to his own, how lovingly you adjust his clothes or armour after battle

All the while he scars the stone ground with his claws, chanting mantras alongside unheard voices

It had been a good two weeks since you had heard from the piglin. Not entirely unusual for you, as you rather detested the cool weather up in the arctic. However knowing there was some sort of conflict between you and your best friend made you restless at night, you couldn't keep ignoring him. He didn't deserve that, plus you missed Philza's morning tea, the smell of campfires that clung to everything in his house, the way Steve would bring sticks for you to toss. You missed the magnificent bastards that made up the Antarctic empire. More importantly, you missed Technoblade.

By the time you reached the cabin you had noticed it was unusually still. Steve and Carl were out in the yard, mosing about but there was no sign of Technoblade or Philza. They were both pretty hard workers, stubborn as hell as well, seeing as it was half past twelve you would expect the two of them to be running around doing chores. Surprisingly however it was still, perhaps they had things inside to do? Or maybe they took your suggestion for a lunch break a bit more seriously then expected.

Entering the cabin you call out for them, nothing, looking around you couldn't help but notice how much of a mess everything was. You had only ever seen the house in this much disarray before they traveled, or that time Phil let a creeper into the house and things got fucken wild. But, if traveling was the case why was Carl out front? And why was Techno's sword hung up on the mantle.

And unsettling feeling began to creep over your shoulders as you slowly begin to pick up the clutter. You couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation for things, so you decided to wait until you could come up with one or was given one. The sun had long set before Phil arrived at the house, clearly surprised to find you still sorting through chests. Clearly worried as well.

You turn to greet the man but are quickly cut off, "what are you doing here?" He ushers quickly shitting the door behind him. "I was looking for Technoblade, why is something happening? Is the butcher gang back?" You explain, chest tightening with unease. Something was seriously wrong. "No, no nothing like that we aren't in any danger. Technoblade is having another fit, he's not doing very well at the moment. It might be best for you to leave" Phil warned, his usual cheerful voice dripping with a nervousness you hadn't heard from him in a long time. You wave off the older gentleman scoffing, "Phil you're forgetting I used to go hunting with him I've seen him pretty bad-" "He's locked himself in his bunker. He doesn't even trust himself anymore, he won't eat nor sleep, whatever he has going on in his head is far more then the two of us can handle at the moment" Phil cut you off. You stood in shock, he locked himself away? Technoblade hasn't done that in.. years! What the hell was going on with him.

You wanted to believe Phil was lying to you, that Technoblade was off terrorizing villagers and he was just buying his companion time. But the genuine look of fear in his emerald eyes made your stomach sink. "He's not well Y/N, I certainly don't want him to come back to you dead or injured. He'll come through eventually, just not right now. " The blonde approached you and wrapped strong arms around your shoulders, you hadn't even realized that you were crying until he began to shush you.

"Listen, listen, stay the night here. It's too late for you to travel especially in this sort of weather, in the morning I'll take you back home, I'll let you know immediately when hes better" He assures you, pulling away to cup your face in his hands and wipe your tears with his thumbs. "Let's get you to bed, come on, let's go." Fatherly wasn't something you saw much in Phil anymore, but you couldn't deny how comforting it was, if not a bit embarrassing to have the man tuck you into Techno's sheets before turning out the lamp.

As you lay in the blood God's bed, listening intently to the sound of the howling wind you began to scheme. Something you did best was planning, and this night was no different. You had no idea how long Techno had been like this, if you had the time to curse yourself for avoiding him you would, but for the moment you just needed to make sure he wasn't dead. Slipping from his bedroom and past Phil's you gather a plate of rather light food, knowing he'd get sick if he ate something to heavy.

Stealing one of the Piglins cloaks you shield the food with your arms as you sneak our of the house. You knew Philza only had your best interest at heart, but he should have known better then to tell you your friend was in danger. Especially when that friend was less then a brisk walk away. By the time you get to the false wall your already shivering, the wind nipping at anything it could get at. Your nose was already beginning to run as you hit the disguised button and the wall drops.

At first you see nothing, the darkness and the snow fall blinding you to the scene in front of you. Stepping into what little shelter the cave provided you struggled to steady yourself after stepping on what looked to be the remains of a netherite chestplate. Hung up on the fact that he broke netherite with supposedly his bare hands you don't realize the Piglin lunging at you until your buried in the snow. Plates long discarded and broken you stare the husk of the man you knew in his wild eyes.

Almost like you could read the voices chants of your demise in the pools of ebony fear seemed to strike you harder then his fist. You heard your ribs breaking before you felt them, thank God for adrenaline. You felt nauseous, sick even as you blindly scratch and push at the weight on top of you. Grabbing a tusk by its base you pull left as hard as you can, taking his moment of unbalance to scramble away. Your hands grope for any sort of hold in the snowbank, desperate to get away from the beast on top of you. You dont make it far however before claws tear at the clothes and skin around your ankles, pulling you towards them with little care. Your screams of pain and/or fear are cut short by clawed hands tightening around your throat. Your pathetically small ones meet his, scratching desperately at the exposed hand with one while the other grabs a fist full of snow and smashes it into his face.

The white of the snow falling around you seemed denser then before, you felt cold, to your very bone under him. Under his stare. You've looked death before in the eyes, more then on one occasion, and you had never remembered them being so beautiful. For a split second you swear you hear another voice being carried by the wind, peeling your tear welled eyes from the piglin on top of you the fall towards the direction of the cabin, then at the shards of netherite. You had looked death in the eyes before, and you had yet to die. You weren't going to now.

Grabbing the shard and effectively slicing your hand open in the process you blindly begin to swing. Your chest burns, your skin burns, your vision is beginning to dim to nothing, all you can hear is the wind. Your stabs, or attempts at stabbing does little, with what minuscule amount of consciousness you have in yourself you get one finally blow, to somewhere before you cant feel anything anymore. You had never imagined death to feel so cold.

Technoblade's eyes begin to fall back into focus, pain driving the voices in his head silent as he looks down at the shard of netherite in his arm. More importantly his eyes fall onto a golden ring on the hand belonging to his attacker. A bear etched into its surface. That was Y/N's ring, he had given it to her for christmas. Anger flooding his chest he grinds his teeth, hands tightening around their neck. What right do they have to be wearing your ring? Dark eyes fall back down onto their attacker, bloodied and bruised.. and Y/N. His heart sunk faster then an anvil in a lake, scrambling backwards from your limp body he cant decide whether to look at you or his hands covered in your blood. No, no it couldn't be you, you were.. you were mad at him why would you come up? Why would you attack him?

Crawling to his side he lifted you into his arms, inspecting you closely. This had to be some sort of trick, some sort of lie? No, no you would never attack him you loved him, he loved you! That's why he was like this he was like this because he loved you! Scared lips began to quiver, and tears began to fall and subsequently freeze to his cheeks. No, no, no.

He couldn't think, his mind flooded with the screaming of the voices in his head, begging him to save you, to help you, to hold you. For once in his life he didnt know how, he couldn't save you. He had always been your knight in shining armour, and he cant save you.

He can't save you.

[imagine-otome-games]

Survivors Guilt [GI Childe]

Pairing: Childe x Fem!Reader [[3RD POV]] [[Heavy use of she/her]]

Warnings: Angst, dark-ish imagery, dark thoughts etc also kinda long since theres barely any dialouge.

!!SPOILERS FOR LIYUE ARCHON QUEST!! [[Vague but if you know you know]]

A/N: working on that diluc but uh this hit me sooo.. I wondered what would have happened if that fight didn’t go so smoothly..

;; a day in which all his debts were paid off with interest;;

 “ Pᴀɪɴᴛ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅs, ɪɴᴋ ʀᴜɴs, ɪᴍᴀɢᴇ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏᴠᴇ..”

It was truly a sight to behold- something like a breathtaking scene in a famous novel. Poets and authors alike would try to replicate it, but it would never be quite the same- not as impactful.

No words could ever truly replicate the way he had screamed upon hearing the news. No painter could even come close to recreating the look in his anguished eyes- the rigid state of his entire body- the immediate stream of tears. However, who would truly want to? Words hit hard enough so an actual image would be pure torture and yet.. some found inspiration at the way this hardened Harbinger absolutely broke down for his love..

Even the strongest of people have their weaknesses and his lied with her..

“I promise I’ll be back soon.”, he had said, with pure confidence too despite it all. 

She had been so far from the harbor- she didn’t give him any hint that she would be on the waters that day. Even she had, what had ultimately happened was a last resort. He never intended to do it but.. perhaps if she had mentioned something that day.. he would have stopped himself.

If he was stronger- if he hadn’t allowed himself to be used..

The rage mixed in all that anguish was suffocating- each and every breath he took as he moved forward felt like it was searing his lungs. His legs felt like the bones within were made of lead, threatening to cave in on themselves. He almost wished they would- he wished they’d shatter- he begged to his current wounds to just end what was only the beginnings of his endless suffering.

Instead of hoping his death would happen in glorious battle he wished for it to be swift- for it to carry him home immediately, no matter how selfish it seemed.

He had a family, he had to think of how they would feel but now... now the blood on his hands was blood he was never meant to spill..

He always knew the true costs of his line of work would catch up to him.. Childe simply thought that cost wouldn’t be so high- so immediate. Or.. something of his own doing-

Once he made it to where the crowds had gathered- to the aftermath seen by all, he was gifted with burning daggers in his back by their eyes- a hint of pity accented within the obvious poison. They would forever be embedded in his flesh. None would be unaware of his horrific deed in Liyue harbor- the absolute disregard for innocents and his own dearest heart.

He wished the people would be more violent, but he knew they wouldn’t be. That was too easy- too merciful.

Within that crowd he found what he had destroyed. There, in the calm waters, surrounded by mourning citizens that knew her well... she floated calmly. Her calm face struck him hard- it was now dull, there was no life within her features- this was not like when she slept or when she turned her face to soak in the beautiful sun.

The reality of everything hit him so hard it knocked the breath and rationality out of him.

He had begged and pleaded and sobbed in vain- she had been gone all along. When he was told you were missing- lost at sea, deep in his very core he knew the waves had stolen her. Osial must have stolen her was what he allowed himself to believe for a time, but Childe was not that much of a fool. His own idiocy and failure to think rationally stole her from him. He did this to himself and now, in front of all of those which he wronged, he breaks.

He will never be able to see her smile- how is it that one person can have so many different smiles? So many expressions to miss and touches to crave and be robbed of. Childe would never hold her in his arms. He could no longer relish in the taste of her lips or her warm embrace on late nights. 

Her voice would no longer bring him back to life on the days he lost himself- he would be left to drown out at sea, just as he deserved. There was no future to look forward to- a time when he would get to call you his wife or perhaps the mother of his children- not even a time in which he got to live freely. To be just Ajax and not Childe, the Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui. Nothing. There was nothing and perhaps it is selfish thinking- his family still lives but will they still adore him when they learn of his horrific deed- of what his job genuinely costs.

“ I ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʙʀᴇᴀᴛʜᴇ, ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ..”

The screams were so painful that no one could bare to look for long, the cries so devastating others felt its harsh pangs in their chests. He cried like he was being tortured- cradled her head and damned the very skies for taking something so precious- something that was not for it to take- someone that deserved better.

The people of Liyue granted him the mercy of time with her. His only true gift from those he hurt. They felt the sincerity in his regret and pain.

Hours felt like mere seconds to him and in the setting sun the cold finally dug its claws into him. He could feel the blood in his throat and the raw sting in his eyes. His freezing fingers had to be pried from her lifeless body and still he begged. He pleaded for everything to be a lie- a cruel prank to get him to see how horrible that was of him.

How could she be the only fatality in all this- surely there were others on the water? Her little boat was not the only one out there. Not to say he wished the same fate of other innocents but... did it have to be only her? In the very boat he gifted her when he learned how she adored to just... exist in the middle of the ocean for a short time. To take in the salty air from its source and take in the scenery the archons gifted its people to see.

In the same boat that was now in pieces along various shores and in the unrelenting depths of the ocean. Lost to him forever, just like her.

Her sweet laughter from that day still haunts him, “I’ll believe you if you promise to go out to sea with me when you get back.”, she had said, bargaining with him as if she actually ever needed to. She could tell him to jump and he would have asked her how high.

‘I love you, Ajax. Be safe.’

So, he promised- crossed his heart and hoped to die. Then when would that debt be paid? How long must he wait to be in her presence again?

“ Aɴɢᴇʟs ғᴀʟʟ, ɪᴛ’s ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴜʟᴛ..”  

The picture painted of her for that day pierced through what was left of his now dead heart. He meant no offense to the artist, but it did no true justice for her. It did not encapsulate her like his cruel mind did. Her eyes felt lacking- the expression was so.. unreal. Yet, silent tears felt all the same.

This was it. He must let her go for good. This is all real- too real. His breathing becomes labored and soon he is doing his best to silently sob. Her painting becomes blurred and, in the midst,... it looks as though she is crying with him. Somehow.

‘You know I’ll always love you, right?’

“ Gᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ ᴏʟᴅ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ. ᴡᴇ’ʟʟ ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴀɢᴀɪɴ...”

“Traveler...”, he begins, “Do we have to do this every time? You know what I want... stop denying me for the sake of your own morals... please..”

The outlander looks at him, pity in the swirls of gold staring into his dull blue hues, “You know I can’t, Childe..”

He laughs bitterly, ignoring the way it hurts to do so, “You can- c’mon, it’s not that hard. Your sword is sharp enough. One good blow-”

“You need to move on somehow- take a break and grieve properly stop asking me-”

“Move on? Move on? I am a murderer- I killed her- I deserve to-”, he starts, voice growing angry and so very sad.

“You didn’t do it on purpose. You didn’t want her to...go.”, the outlander says, pools of gold growing brighter in concern, staring upon his form in the ground.

Childe was a mess of sweat and blood, on his back staring up at another whom he deceived, begging to be put out of his misery. Shamelessly so.

He laughs again, this time with a ragged breath, “It should never have been her- it should have been me. It was always supposed to be me first.”, he’s crying now, he’s sure of it. It always turned out this way, usually the tears are left out, “I was never- I never... she was never supposed to even be hurt because of me. Traveler I... I loved her so much- I still love her. I can’t let go- please. I’m begging you- please. End it- end me..”

There was no answer, just silence. There was no saving him and as painful as it was, the wandering traveler left him there on the ground. He never saw this traveler again. In the back of his mind he always wonders if the sibling was found. Was the journey fulfilled- was there a happy ending?

He hopes so. No one deserves to suffer loss in any way.

“I miss you..”, he whispers into the sky, knowing she resides somewhere far past the clouds.

The calm waves of the sea gently rock him in this small boat. There is only one destination for him. He is no longer welcome anywhere else. No one has said so, but he feels it within his soul. A piece is missing, and he will find it once more, one way or another.

“I’m coming home.. I hope you didn’t wait long..”, he says as the blackened clouds start to surround him. The sea below him darkens and he can feel the static of danger in the tense air. The waves start to come alive and he hopes they finally swallow him entirely.

This time, he hopes he will not be found by a pitying soul.

“ Tɪᴍᴇ ɢᴏᴇs ᴏɴ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ..”

[yn-dreamlife]

My Hero

Mirio Togata x reader 

Quirk: emotions; you can feel others emotions and project your own onto others around you, in dire situations you can even shut your own emotions off.

Description: Sir Nighteyes death not only changed Mirio but also your relationship, but are you just being oblivious or did he really mean what he said that day? 

Warnings: Fluff, low-key angst, cuteness, nicknames 

I sighed as I looked at the man in-front of me. The man I loved, once so happy and full of light and now... faded. He smiled still of course but, it was dimmer and more often than not fake. Im sure others have noticed but none of them like I have, how could they? I’m his girlfri- his EX girlfriend. A thought the still broke my heart. 

But that didn’t mater any longer, he was still my friend, just like he promised. He was always there and gave me the space I needed after the break up. But of course I would never allow that for more than a day at most, he had just lost Sir Nighteye, the man he looked up to the man who was like a father to him, wether he told me or not doesn't matter. I knew that was true, that that was how he felt about him.  

And now I watch him talk down to himself saying so many horrible untrue things. “Lemillion? Ha you could barely save one girl, you didn’t deserve your quirk its good it was taken away-” 

“Togata-san!” I called out as he hadn't answered me previously calling him. His head quickly snapped up to me as he wiped his tears. I shook my head cupping his cheek. “Why do you speak so lowly of yourself?” 

“Because I deserve it! I’m not a hero, I was never going to be! I let Eri go, it’s my fault that Sir is dead!” He cried moving my hand away from his face harshly. 

I let it drop to my side limply as I activated my quirk. Letting the calm peace I always felt around him seep into him. “Mirio-san you know that isn't true.”

“But how can I be a hero without a quirk?!” He said frustrated but he slowly calmed down. 

“You already are.” I whispered and he scoffed softly. “You are Mirio-san, to so many people. But most importantly your m- I mean your her hero.” 

He looked up at me then, “hers?” 

I smiled as I held my hand out to the side gesturing to the person he couldn't see because she was hidden by a wall. “Eri-chan~” I cooed softly to the girl. 

She walked out quietly and grabbed my hand I could feel her calm aura as she took my hand which pleased me, I’m glad Mirios earlier distress didn’t upset her. But I made sure to use my quirk once again to radiate the happiness I felt by her being here outwards into the two people around me. 

“Hello” she said softly. 

“Eri-chan!” Mirio said happily and moved and pulled the small girl into a hug, a gesture she had become more adjusted to the longer she was around people like me and him. She was still working on smiling and embracing others back but we slowly got there. 

It took a lot of work from all parties. “But I thought Aizawa-sensei said she had to-” he began but I stoped him.

“ah ah ah none of that, Eri-chan is perfectly fine. Besides with me around everything is fine! you forget you may be part of the top three but I’m the number four student in our school for a reason!” I said smiling as I did my signature two finger salute making sure to add a small flourish of my wrist knowing it made Eri feel happier even if she still couldn't express it. 

A quirk of my own quirk, it pays of being able to feel her emotions as well as to radiate my own. 

“Our quirks are compatible, hers being largely tied to her emotions and mine being well, emotions.” I said shrugging with a smile. I saw the tension leave his shoulders, just like the moment she stepped out from behind the wall. I even thought maybe there was a hint of light back in his eyes... just maybe. 

“So I got special permission from the hospital and the school so I have the day off to take her out and I want you to come with! Nothing to out there like I know you usually like, but Tamaki did give me a few great ideas!” I said beaming at him glad I could come up with a plan. 

Mirio smiled then and we set off to go about our fun outing with Eri. We first took her to a small market and her eyes absolutely glowed when we found the fruit stand, I never thought I would see someone get so happy over an apple. 

So I quickly bought her one and it was worth every last scent once I bought her a whole bag just to see that smile, money wasn't always the easiest thing to come by for my family but I knew if she asked I would gladly buy her the world. 

As we where walking through the little market I was happy to see my thoughts where correct. It was mostly empty due to it being the middle of a Wednesday morning. There was a slight chill but that changed once Mirio placed his scarf around me. 

“Here, I can see your shivering.” He said smiling at me his blue eyes sparkling closer to what they used to. 

My cheeks burned red but I shook it off, “t-thank you.” I stuttered. As we continued walking I saw the Ramen shop me, him and the other members of the top three used to go to. Instantly I had an idea. 

“Eri-chan,” I said smiling down at the girl who's eyes practically glowed in wonder at the market. She looked up at me waiting for me to continue “Have you ever had Ramen?” 

At the mention of his favorite food Mirio perked up, “Ramen? Oooo I love Ramen!” He said happily. 

Eri shook her head, “No but I would like to try it if Lemillion likes it.” she said and I smiled at her as I grabbed her hand as well as Mirios out of habit. But as if I had been burned I quickly ripped my hand away from him. 

“S-sorry.” I stuttered quickly about to go into a fit of apologies, an old habbit I had broken thanks to our relationship but had fallen back into since it had ended. 

“No need, its alright.” He said grabbing my hand, I smiled widely. We went into the Ramen shop ordering all of our food, Eri getting the same thing as me but Mirio and her ended up sharing quite a bit anyways, it was safe to say this food would be a new favorite for her. 

And after a long day walking around secluded parts of our city it was time to return home. You three walked back to UA without thinking, after all Mirio and you had called it home the past few months but he faltered upon entering. 

“Oh,” he let out a slightly nervous chuckle, “guess I actually go back to my own house huh?” I looked down sadly not ready for the day to end. 

I came up with an idea and quickly smiled, “Well im sure the rest of the big three would love to see you!” 

The thought of his best friends caused him to smile as well, “Yeah you’re right! I can visit them!” he said sounding slightly shocked. 

“You always sound so shocked when I come up with a good plan” I said as I bumped his arm playfully as I smiled. 

Out of habit he pinched my cheeks, “Aw can't help it sunshine you're always surprising me!” I basked in the familiarity of the intimate actions but it was quickly ruined as he snatched his hand away. “I-i’m sorry y/l/n-san!” He said quickly bowing I went to reassure him but before I knew it he had hugged Eri said his goodbyes and took off running. 

I sighed willing the tears in my eyes away knowing I needed to keep composure for Eri. You smile at her, and it is only tinted with sadness, as you hold a hand out to her. She takes it in her smaller one and squeezes it gently. Its a moment or two of silent walking before she shockingly speaks up first. 

“Do you love Lemillion?” She asks softly you look at her shocked, how did she know about that? Of course you all had expressed your love to her but no child should truly be able to understand it enough to pick it up from people who don't blatantly show it. 

You wanted to hide it and say no but you never lied to her before so you wouldn't start now, you answered with a simple yes.

“Then why don't you guys kiss and hold hands all the time?” She asks softly. 

“well because we-we can't anymore.” You stutter shyly, shocked she even knew of such actions. But you scolded yourself reminding you she was quiet, not dumb. 

She seemed greatly confused by your answer, “But why not?” 

“Well you see thats a thing couples do and Mirio-chan and I are no longer together romantically.” You stated trying to simplify it. 

“Why?” She asks again. Oh ever the child with her curiosity. But this stopped you, you paused mid step and just stood thinking. 

Why in-fact did you two break up? You remember driving at the hospital after the attack to find Mirio alone in his room crying, you had heard about his quirk and Sir Nighteyes death so you quickly ran to him pulling him into a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry m-” but he cut you off. 

“Sunsh-” he paused “y/n, we need to talk.” Instant dread filled your stomach. Why would he use your first name? Had something happened and the doctors and Mr. Aizawa didnt inform you about? 

“O-okay Mirio, you know I’ll listen.” He tried to speak but closed his mouth, repeating this process several times. “It’s okay take your time.” You cupped his cheek but he shook his head removing your hand as his eyes turned steely and determined. 

“I’m breaking up with you.” He said seriously. 

“W-what?” The word left as noting but a whimper, “Mirio thats not funny stop joking around.” but I felt it, the determination, the coldness. Things I had never felt aimed my way from him. 

“I’m serious. I’m breaking up with you, we are no longer dating we will now be friends, nothing more.” You wanted to protest to scream at him to stop this nonsesne to say it was just the grief but you didnt. You nodded your head doing the thing you hated most. 

You shut down your emotions, a power only you had. But this was the only way you could be near him without breaking. “No y/n I need you to leave. I don't want you shutting yourself down.” He spoke as I tried to sit down on the chair. 

I stood up then looking to the door, “fine... but im going back tomorrow and theres nothing you can do to stop me, you're my friend,” you looked at him then allowing the smallest emotion through a cracked smile, “I’m not leaving you alone in this.” He nodded and with that you left. You weren't looking and bumped into something. 

Looking up you say your favorite loud yellow haired teacher as well as your favorite much quieter black haired teacher. 

“Hey hey little listener whats going on?” Instantly you collapsed into him and broke down sobbing, Mr Aizawa removing your quirk so his overly emotional friend didn't get sucked down into the void of your despair with you. After a moment or so he left to go and visit Mirio knowing what the source of your pain was thought the sobbed attempt at an explanation you gave to Present Mic. 

You then looked back to Eri and answered truthfully. “I dont know.” I whispered, “I suppose because he no longer felt the same way he did for me before, he had been though a lot of grief and pain its only natural for feelings to change.” I said to her as I tried to keep walking but now she stopped. 

“But Lemillion loves you too why would you not be?” You chuckle at her and before you can dismiss her she continues. “he looks at you like Uravity looks at Deku.” At this I stopped walking again, It was very clear the feelings those two held for each other, could she be telling the truth? 

“She's right you know?” I hear a deep voice behind me and jump as I throw a punch out behind me.”Woah!” I now realize the man holding my fist is Mr. Aizawa and I immdeatly apologize but his chuckles stops me. “You’re good kid, almost got me and that doesn't happen very often.” he paused “But she is right he does still care for you. While you where crying with Mic I went to him he was... in less than ideal shape.” 

“Sensei with all due respect, of course he wasn't in good shape he just lost a father figure and his quirk.” I said as I now picked up Eri to calm her down from my sudden outburst of movement. She cuddled into my neck with a soft hum. 

“And he lost his biggest support system. I know you've noticed how he’s been and unlike most I have as well, believe it or not I observe quite a few things. Like how your grades are slightly slipping and you’ve been staying up later and later and how you’ve been zoning out in class.” 

I stared at him mouth agape, “H-how?” 

“I care y/l/n. I care about all my students wether I admit it or not.” he paused “repeat that to anyone and they'll call you crazy.” I nodded my head smiling and then slowly realized everything he said. 

“He loves me.” I muttered to myself. “He loves me!” I said louder. Eri looked at me and I saw a small smile on her face. 

“yes he does.” 

“I-I have to go!” I said frantically. Eri leaned forward moving into Mr. Aizawas arms. 

“Hurry up now. He needs you,” I ran off not even worried about Eri knowing she was in good hands with Mr. Aizawa. “Now more than ever.” Aizawa whispered as he watched her run off thanking him. 

Bonus of this scene:

“come on Eri ill take you back.” 

“Thank you dad.” 

“... you’re welcome.”

*brushes away tears of happiness from cuteness* Anywho back to the story ~Author-chan (no one ever calls me that :( )

As I ran towards the dormitories tears welled in my eyes. I was still so confused and still hurt, why did he leave me? 

“Togata-san!” I yelled as I got closer, in my distress moving instantly to his surname. “Mirio-san!” I yelled again when I got no response. I now could see him talking to my other two best friends but I didnt care as I continued to run. 

“Mirio!” I yelled. I now saw him spin around and begin sprinting towards me. 

“Y/n?! Y/n whats wrong? Are you hurt?!” He asks frantically as he takes my face into his hands turning it each way. I nod my head. “Who hurt you?” He practically grows out. 

“Y-you.” I whimper wrapping my arms around him. I feel him tense. 

“M-me?” I nod my head. “Wha-what did I do?” He asks pulling away and wiping my tears. 

“Y-you left me.” I cried and his face dropped again. “Why? Why did you leave me? Did you not think I would be good for you anymore? Did I do something wrong?” He continues trying to wipe my tears before stopping and giving up. 

“I-I thought you deserved someone better, someone with a quirk like Tamaki.” He whispers looking down, “I thought you wouldn't like me anymore because I cant protect you.” 

“Mirio you idiot I haven't liked you for years.” I whispered but he didnt look shocked because he could feel what I was about to say it seeped out of every pore of my body, “I’ve always loved you.” I whisper. 

“But you loved me when I was Lemillion!” He said quickly and I shook my head. 

“No I didn’t, I loved you as Mirio Togata, and then as Lemillion. And you always forget this,” I whisper I pull his head down placing his forehead on my own, “You might not be a hero but you’ve always been mine, just you Mirio. Not Lemillion, just you.” 

“y/n I know I hurt you and I don't deserve it but please,” he cupped my cheeks pinching them slightly “please be my sunshine again.” 

I laughed showing him a bright smile “You act like you had a choice.” And with that I pulled him into a kiss enjoying the feeling I had been missing these past few weeks. 

“I love you.” He whispered against my lips. 

“And I love you.” 

[shaggi]

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

[hxpemingi]

missing puzzle piece <3 s.c.b

a/n: this is my first ever lil au that ive written so please bare with me as i’m typing this as i go hehe (✿◠‿◠) sorry for any grammatical errors!!

Summary: you and changbin have been friends for years, you’ve always had a soft spot for this kid.  You have always had those lingering thoughts in the back of your mind that maybe one day this friendship could turn into something more..

word count: 2.6k 

genre/rating: oneshot!, friends to lovers!, female reader, college age, fluff, just pure fluff, angst if you squint.

-

-

-

As the summer winds down and the sense of the cool breeze fills the air, i know soon enough that the fall semester is coming closer.  i dont mind school all that much, its even better that i get to spend the day with one of my closest friends changbin.  we’ve been friends for gosh knows how long and we act like brother and sister at this point. But nonetheless, theres always that feeling of “what if” in the back of my mind.... what if we did end up dating? I always feel like a puzzle with a missing piece.... I want to find someone to complete the puzzle.  As i shove those thoughts to the back of my mind i hear my phone buzzing on my bed.

-Binnie 6:30pm-

what u doing tonight? are you free??

-Y/N 6:33pm-

i have a hot date with a bowl of ice cream and the couch tonight, but i guess i can rain check. whatchu got planned?

-Binnie 6:37pm-

Wanna go to the beach with me and the boys? we plan on chilling and watching the sunset with a fire and a few drinks.  whaddya say you in?

-Y/N 6:40pm-

count me in...pick me up in 30

-Binnie 6:45pm-

shweeeeet see u then

As soon as i see that text, i put my phone down and change out of some comfy clothes and change into shorts and a cropped tee.  I should probably bring a hoodie but i know Changbin has a few in his car.  I swear that man has a whole closet in his car.  I put on a pair of slip on shoes so that way i can take them off when I’m at the beach.  As I’m putting on shoes i see Changbin’s car pull into my driveway.  After grabbing my house keys and purse I head down the driveway to get into the car where Felix and Han are in the backseat giving me the front seat.

“Glad you gave up your hot date with ice cream to hangout with us tonight” Changbin says as he heads down the road to get to the beach.

“You know i was gonna finish Avatar tonight and cry over my love for zuko but NOOOOOOO i’m gonna become a babysitter for 9 kids as they throw each other in the ocean” i say with the slightest bit of sarcasm

“Oh c’mon Y/N, the ending of avatar can wait. theres supposed to be a comet tonight!!!!” Felix chirps from the backseat

“Yeah Y/N the sky is supposed to be clear and we’ll be able to see it pass by, you wont be able to see it for another 100 years!” Han chimes in.

“They’re right Y/N, it’s a perfect night to watch it.  When will you ever be able to say you’ve seen a comet pass by in your lifetime?” Changbin adds to the conversation.

“I’m pretty sure I saw a comet that time where we were all star gazing on Minho’s roof last summer” i say to them as changbin pulls into the beach parking lot.

“Y/N i hate to break it to you, but that was an airplane.” Han says while Felix giggles.

I turn back at the giggling fools and give them a glare.

“I SHALL STAND BY THE FACT THAT IT WAS A COMET YOU TWO” i say back to the boys as Changbin puts the car into park.

We meet up with the rest of the boys who are currently setting up a makeshift fire pit and setting out some foldable chairs, thats when i realize theres 9 chairs but 10 people.  Guess I will have to sit in the sand.  I don’t worry about it too much when i see Chan currently chasing Seungmin with a dead jellyfish on a stick trying to poke him.  We haven’t been here a total of 5 minutes and there’s already chaos.

-

-

-

After an hour or two of the boys running around in the sand, throwing each other in the water, and a quite competitive game of tag, the sun starts to turn the sky the most beautiful shades of orange and red.  Chan runs to his car to grab a speaker and Hyunjin starts a fire.  Pretty soon the boys gather around the fire when Jeongin says 

“Guys theres only 9 chairs and 10 of us...”

“I’ll just sit on the sand.” I say as I get ready to sit in the sand.

“Y/N, just sit on my lap” Changbin says quietly as you didn’t hear him walk up behind you

“Nono Binnie it’s fine I-”

“No excuses, now come on” he says as he drags me with my hand in his.

While I’m sure no one saw that encounter, I’m pretty sure they see the huge blush that has crept across my face.  Sure I’ve sat on changbins lap before, we do it when theres movie night at Woojins place.  It’s nothing new between us but my feelings for Changbin push through my mind and soon enough, I’m sitting on his lap trying to make myself comfy on his thighs.  Changbin casually snakes his hands across my waist and i suddenly freeze up.  Well thats new, he normally never does that. I try to relax my body and for some reason, it feels natural.  I suddenly feel safe in his arms. 

“Does anyone know when this whole comet thing will come??” Minho says as the music plays in the background.

“According to my phone, it says that we’ll be able to see it pass through around 10 or so.” Felix says as he looks it up on his phone.

“Well since we have time to kill, how about a friendly game of truth or dare?” Hyunjin adds to the conversation.

the group and I nod our heads in agreement as the game of truth or dare starts.

“Seungmin, Truth or dare?” Hyunjin starts off.

“Dare” Seungmin says non chalantly.

“I dare you to run into the ocean with your shoes on” hyunjin says while everyone giggles

“Really? I just bought these shoes ughhhhh” Seungmin sighs as he gets up from his chair and runs towards the water

“I hate this i hate this i hate this” he says as everyone by the fire laughs hysterically 

Once he returns back to the shore where the fire pit is, he takes off his shoes and sits down with a huff.

“alright lets see, Y/N truth or dare?” He says as his eyes direct towards me and changbin.  

I’m not one to play these games so i decided to play it safe

“Truth” i say

“BOOORRRRRINGGGGGGG” Han says from the other side of the fire

“Hmm, when was the last time you kissed a boy?” he says and the group falls silent

Shit, when was the last time i kissed someone? well besides my cat Lucifer i don’t think i’ve ever kissed anyone? Do I lie and say last week? or do I tell the truth and say no one?

“uhhh never” I say in a quiet voice as everyone eyes are glued to me still.  I can feel Changbins gaze on me as he tenses up a little bit, squeezing his arms a little tighter around me

“You really haven’t kissed anyone? Not even that kid you were seeing last semester?” Changbin whispers into my ear

“No we went on two dates and he was a total square and was really boring, he never initiated anything anyways” I say back

“Alrighty Y/N, you can ask a truth or dare or have someone else pick” Seungmin says as he waits for my response

“uhm, Changbin can pick who goes next” I say as I look down at the sand, my feet becoming more interesting

“Can I dare myself?” Changbin says as the group shares a puzzled look with eachother. It’s quiet for a moment before Chan says

“I mean it’s not a rule that you can’t do it but I guess go ahead buddy”

“Alright, I dare myself that I go on a walk with Y/N for a bit. You guys can keep playing” he says and I perk my head up and turn around facing him, giving him a puzzled look.

“Why would you wanna dare yourself to do something so casual?” I say as I get up off of his lap. My waist feeling empty as I grew used to having Changbins arms wrapped around me

“It was beginning to get boring anyways, plus my leg fell asleep from you sitting on it” he chuckles

As we two walk away from the guys who are giggling and laughing, their voices become faint as all I hear are the waves crashing along the shore. It’s peaceful, it’s quiet, and it’s just Changbin and I.

It’s silent for a few minutes before Changbin exhales and stops for a moment to look at the water and the stars up in the sky.

“How come you never told me you haven’t kissed anyone? Cmon Y/N we’ve been friends for years. We tell eachother everything” Changbin says and I look over at the water avoiding his eye contact

“I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal. How lame is it that I haven’t even had my first kiss and my younger sister has for gods sake? I sound like a loser saying it. It’s easy for you to say, I bet you boast to the boys on how many girls fling themselves at you.” I say with a hint of jealousy at the end.

“I don’t think it’s lame y/n, you’re just saving yourself for someone special. And no I do not brag to the boys about “all the girls I get” when in reality I have a different girl in mind.” He says as he goes and steps in front of me. Faces inches away from each other.

I take a few steps back to get some space between us. He’s acting different. It seems like this girl is really sweet from the sounds of it. I try not to act jealous when I start to ask about her

“Who’s this special girl in mind huh? How come you never brought this up to me? Do I approve of her?” I start to spit fire questions at Changbin before he starts talking again.

“I’ve never brought it up to you because I don’t want to ruin anything that I already have with her. I’ve been so nervous to fully confess my feelings because there’s that thought in the back of my mind that maybe she doesn’t like me back.” Changbin rambles when you cut him off

“Why don’t you man up and do it already? I mean the worst thing she could say is no right? Who knows, maybe she does like you back.” I say and Changbin blurts out

“I like you a lot y/n, like a lot a lot”

Holy shit

Seo Changbin, my best friend of 11 years

Just confessed

That he likes me????

“I- I- really? You’re kidding right? Changbin don’t play with my feelings-“ I say before he cuts me off

“Y/n I’m serious, I’ve liked you for a long time and I didn’t know how you would feel, but I know it was stupid of me to confess you know? I probably ruined everything and now our friendship is ruined and nothing will ever be the same again and I-“ before he rambles himself into oblivion i cut him off.

“The feelings mutual binnie, I’ve liked you for god knows how long” i say as he looks up at me.

“I’ve liked you since that day when I jumped off the jungle gym in 3rd grade and you helped me to the nurses office. I’ve always had those feelings for you but I always pushed them back in my head because who knows how you would feel right? So whenever you went and saw other girls it made me the slightest bit jealous. Always wondering if that could be us someday. So then I went on dates with guys but nothing lasted for more than one date. They weren’t you Changbin. It was always you” I say so fast i almost run out of breath

We look at eachother for a few moments before Changbin wraps one of his arms around my waist, taking his other and tucking a few strands of loose hair behind my ear. We look at each other for a few moments as my hands snake up around his neck, definitely a feeling I could get used too. His eyes go from my eyes, down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

“Since you never had your first kiss, may I?” Changbin says as he’s looking at me like I’m the finest piece of art in the world. Taking in everyone of my features.

“I’d thought you’d never ask” I say with a grin.

He closes the distance between us and both of our eyes close. His lips are warm and soft. Although I’ve never kissed anyone before I start to follow his lead and mirror what he’s doing. It’s a slow and adoring kiss. Not anything fast or sensual. We take our time to see how our lips mold into one another. We break away for a few moments and Changbin puts his forehead on mine.

“You know for not kissing anyone, it seems like you knew what you were doing” he says with a childish grin

“Eh from all the rom coms I’ve watched I feel like I had a good grasp of what I was doing” I say back before he kisses me again. 

I kiss him as if he’s going to disappear from me, pretty soon he has both of his hands around my waist, squeezing my sides earning a quiet yelp from me.  We break away the kiss again and i see him look up in the sky.

“Y/n there it is!!! It’s the comet” he says as he turns me around, hugging me from behind. His chin rests gently on my shoulder as we look at the comet pass by.  

“I don’t think I’ve seen anything more jaw dropping than this before” I say as i look closely at the comet passing by.

“Oh trust me princess, this comet is pretty. but nothing will compare to you” he says as he pecks my neck with kisses.

“We should probably go back before the guys round up a search party for us.” i say while leaving his touch and grab his hand, heading back to the crazy bunch of boys.

Once we make our way back to the gang they look at us with questioning looks, we’re both smiling like idiots and our hands are intertwined.

“What took you guys so long??? You missed the comet, you should’ve seen it!” Jeongin says

“Do i even wanna know what happened?” Chan says, raising a brow at us.

“Don’t worry guys, we stopped and saw the comet too. Nothing crazy happened.” Changbin says with a sheepish grin and I start giggling 

“Did you two confess to one another yet? I’ve been waiting for this.” Hyunjin says as the boys nod their heads in agreement.

“Yeah Bin, did you finally grow a set and confess? I was getting sick of the late night texts saying “ooooo im in L word my guy” “bro she looks so good today”- UGH” Han continues to ramble while Felix elbows him in the gut. 

Changbin and I look at each other and start laughing, he leans down and pecks me on the lips. Earning a few “awws” and an “ew” from Jeongin.

“Does that answer everyones questions?”  Changbin says as we sit back down by the fire. 

We sit back down and start chatting at the fire, talking about the comet and small talk in between. For the first time in my life, I feel content with everything. Content with these 8 crazy boys I can call my friends. And Changbin, everything feels so right finally. It feels like all the puzzle pieces have been put together

Changbin was my missing puzzle piece. 

And now the puzzle is complete.

[mister-lady]

Heyoo!! Here's the fic I was talking about! It is mostly a fair amount of angst, nothing crazy, its mainly just me venting to Janus vkvkjrfj. Usual apologies for the ugly spacing, I'm too lazy to fix it all but it happens whenever i copy and paste the fic for whatever reason.

HEY. IF YOURE READING THIS IT WASNT DIRECTED AT YOU. I REAPEAT, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I ASSURE YOU IT WASN'T DIRECTED AT YOU.

Ship: stolen hats and gloves (Janus)

Warnings: hint at s*lf h*rm in one sentence near the end.

Here :)

------------------------------------

Matt had been in his room alone for a rather long amount of time now. He would come out and eat a little bit or to go to the bathroom and other nessecairy human needs but other than that he was all bottled up in his room. His roommates wanted to give him some time to himself incase he needed it but they started to realize that time didn't seem to be helping. Janus had volunteered to go and check on him and make sure everything was okay. However, Janus couldn't help but feel oddly hesitant to doing so.

Matt groggily lifted his head up as he heard the sound of knocking on his door. "Go away." He said loud enough for the person on the other end to here.

"I think we need to talk." Matt quickly recognized the voice as Janus's.

Matt was about to argue and tell him to leave, but he knew that that wasn't going to work. He groaned and got up and opened the door to let Janus in.

Janus let himself in and sat down at the edge of Matt's bed. Matt walked over and layed on his bed next to Janus.

"What do you want?" Matt mumbled, sounding more upset than he had intended.

"You've been up here for almost three whole days Matt, we're getting worried about you."

"I don't see why. It's not like three days is a lot. Plenty of people go away for three days."

"Matthew we care about you. We were worried when you didn't even come out at all on the first day."

"I don't see why you're worried. No on else worries. I've had times where I left for almost a week and you know who cared? No one. No one asked what happened. They said hi when I came back then acted like I never even left. So why do you care so much?" Matt spoke rather harshly. He didn't mean to vent out all his feelings onto Janus, but he couldn't help it as it all spilled out.

"Well perhaps they didn't think anything bad happened. Did something bad happen?" Janus understood Matt's pain, but he wanted to get a proper view of both sides.

"No, but it was a fucking week. Sure nothing bad happened but if one of my friends left for a week I'd shit myself." Matt's voice cracked as he tried to choke back potential tears.

Janus was taken aback, surprised to hear Matt cursing. He gently placed a hand on Matt's leg. "I'm sorry those people didn't seem to care. If you were gone for a week I assure you I would certianly be worried for you."

Matt rolled over and buried his head into his pillow. Janus reached over and carefully rubbed his back. Matt didn't expect the sudden comforting contact to make him start to cry, but it did. Janus carefully picked him up and pulled him into a hug, causing him to burst into tears. Janus gently murmured words of comfort to him.

"I dont get it." Matt spoke, his voice shaky from crying. "Why do you care so much? I hate my feelings so badly and you dont seem to mind them at all, if anything you seem to know when the slightest thing puts me off and I dont know how you put up with me"

"I put up with you because I love you. And no offence, you're not too good at hiding when you're upset. I like helping you feel better and you're feelings are never an issue to me."

Matt's grip tightened as he wrapped his arms around Janus. He was an absolute mess and he hated it.

"How come you don't just ignore me like everyone else?" Matt asked shakily.

"Ignore you?" Janus sounded a little surprised at the statement, not expecting Matt to say that he gets ignored.

"Well, technically yes. You're one of the only people that actually tries to talk to me. Everyone in my past has just used me for 'I love you's  and always asked me for comfort and that was it. Theres few rare people that actually talk with me and care about how I'm feeling. And then whenever I do try and start a conversation with someone they always conveniently leave or go and talk with someone else or hell, they dont even pretend to go offline and just ignore me straight up. I can barely tell if they do it on purpose or if they're to stupid to tell." Matt didn't mean the insult at the end but as he lashed out from anger and sadness it spilled out with it too. He couldn't help but feel as if a weight was being lifted off his chest as he spoke. After a slight pause he added, "I'm not even sure if they love me anymore or if they're too kind to hurt my feelings." Matt didn't realize until he finished speaking that Janus had started rubbing his back again and had planted a few kisses on his cheek and neck.

There was a small pause of silence, but thankfully not a bad silence; a rather soothing and comforting one instead.

"Matt," Janus started, "I'm so sorry you have to be treated in such harsh ways. Whether they do it on purpose or not you still shouldn't have to endure such a feeling. I know you've talked about feeling being ignored and I'm sorry you have to feel that way and I promise you I would never ignore you. And you shouldn't have to be someone's comfort toy. You deserve to feel as loved and be told your as loved as much as they are. You know, it's probably best if you tell them this."

"I know… I've been wanting to for a while but I don't want to hurt they're feelings and I'm afraid about sounding like a major douche."

"So it's okay if you're feelings are hurt in the long run but not if theres are for a bit so everything can be worked out?" Janus quickly, but kindly countered.

Matt couldn't help but crack a small smile. He had a fair point there. "But what if they don't mean to upset me?"

"Accidents happen and you still need to communicate it. Communication is what relationships are based around and without it, well, people can get badly hurt." 

Matt knew Janus was right but he couldn't help but feel a little bad about it. He gave it a thoughtful pause before agreeing. "I suppose I should try telling them"

Janus gave an encouraging smile and kissed Matt on the forehead. "Good."

Matt smiled and buried his face into his chest. "Thank you." He muttered.

"Of course. Now, is there anything else bothering you?"

"I mean… there is but you already helped me so much I don't want to bug you anymore."

"Matt I wouldn't ask if anything else was bothering you if I didn't want to hear it. Do you think I would've come to help you if I didn't want to?"

"Maybe you're just really nice.."

"I don't think even a really nice person would do something like that. It takes a person that cares, and you know I care so much about you."

Matt let out a content sigh at the reassurance and rubbed his hands up and down Janus's arms. "I love you"

"I love you too. Now, what is it that's bothering you?"

"Well… it's just.. I told some of my friends certain ways that I use to cope so they don't freak out or get upset if I start acting weird or differently and.. they were fine with it and I was glad and they still treat me the same when I do it but.. I use it to cope and I only need to use my coping mechanisms if I'm upset or mad over something and depending on what I'm using to cope depends on how bad it is and I understand if they aren't in a good enough mental state to also deal with my problems as well as theirs but they have never asked what was wrong whenever I use it" Matt only then realized how much he had talked again and even after the relief that came with spilling out his bottled up feelings he still whispered out a "sorry".

"First of all, you don't need to be sorry at all. Second of all like you said they might have their own things going on and can't really hold the weight of others problems, but I understand what you're getting at. Normally if someone is upset you would ask if they're okay and I'm sorry that they don't seem to do the same to you. You deserve to be cared about and worried over and you deserve to be asked if you're okay-" Janus had been cut off of what he was saying as Matt interrupted him to spill out more thoughts.

"Speaking of that, people only ever care about me when I'm sad! They only say they love me if I'm not okay and they only say I'm cool or special or I shouldn't hurt myself when I'm sad and it's stupid. Don't get me wrong I appreciate it so much but when I'm not sad they don't care about me at all! I mean nothing to them unless I'm balling my eyes out." Matt's voice had more anger in it this time, but there was still a deep look of sadness on his face.

Janus couldn't help but give him a sympathetic look. "Yes, I agree that does sound rather strange, though I'm sure they still care about you even if they don't express it"

"I hope so" Matt muttered.

"I will always care and worry about you Matthew and I love you more than I can ever say. I really am sorry you seem to have some rather troubling sounding friends and if you ever need to talk I'm here. Promise me something will you?"

Matt looked up at Janus for the first time during their whole talk , "I can try."

"Promise me if you're ever upset you won't bottle it up and you'll come and let me know? You know that you mean the world to me and I worry over you when you're not in my arms so you can only guess how I got when you locked yourself up here."

Matt frowned a bit and felt his eyes water up st the words that came out of his mouth. Janus had such a deep and sad and caring expression that Matt couldn't help but feel touched. "Okay, I promise." Matt said.

Janus gave him a tight comforting squeeze and covered him in kisses, causing Matt to giggle and smile.

"Thank you for everything you've ever done." Matt said, with for once, a hint of joy in his voice and a smile plastered on his face.

"Anything for you, love."

Matt blushed a bit at the nickname and placed a gentle kiss on Janus's forehead. "I'm going to get you back one of these days"

"If you say so~"

[wizisbored]

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

SO

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. /  They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

-  ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)

[queenlifesupport]

Wanna Do This Thing? (Ben!Rog x Y/N)

This was requested by @rogerbuttersmyeggroll (also fantastic fucking name), I would put what they requested but it would kind of give away what happens.

WORD COUNT : 2,039

Holy shit, I fucking loved writing this. SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS, I BARELY EDITED IT :’) MAKE SURE TO LIKE AND FOLLOW ME FOR MORE CONTENT! 

Warnings : A lil angst, language of course, the tiniest lil sexual phrase, and verbally fighting

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was sure hoping the outcome was negative, Roger and I couldn't afford this right now. Especially with him going back to tour in 6 months, then returning after another 5 months, he wouldn't be here for the start of the aftermath. I couldn't help but pace rapidly in the small bathroom, I knew I'd eventually have to look at the small test indicator, but I first had to talk myself into even picking up the plastic stick. I stopped dead in my tracks after attempting to push myself to look at it, I tapped my chin with two fingers while my other hand rested on my hip.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so fucking stupid." I murmured to myself before grabbing the test and finally looking at the result no matter what my head told me. My eyes widened, right in my hands read a positive pregnancy test. This was not the plan, our plan was once we got married and he retires from the music career, thats when we'd have our first kid. Not now when we're still young and he's in the middle of his career. I'm still looking for a job, for gods sake. It was now hitting me that I'd have to tell Roger, how the hell was I supposed to tell him? I have absolutely no idea how he'd react, we've definitely talked about having kids, but like I said we never talked about having one this early. His feelings could be so mixed about this, what if he leaves me after I tell him? Maybe I should take a few more? That one could've easily been wrong, not all of these can be 100% accurate, lets just try again.

I somehow managed to take a few more tests, now reciting back to pacing while all of them sat scattered on the bathroom counter, it was an absolute nervous mess in here. After a few long and dreaded minutes passed, I built up more courage to check all 4 of them. Each one read positive, just like the first one. "Fuck." Was all I could mutter to myself. I still held onto one test while using the back of my hand to rest it against my hot fleshed forehead, then bringing it down to gaze at the test one last time. I slid open the bottom drawer that held all of my travel bags, finding the smallest one to hide the original test in, I didn't want to just throw them all away, this was a big deal for both Roger and I. Placing the rest of them in empty tampon wrappings, I knew Roger wouldn't be looking through the garbage, but just in case, I threw a few tissues in there too in attempt to cover the packages. I looked in the mirror, taking a deep breath trying my best to calm myself down before exiting the bathroom. I unlocked the door slowly, then opened the door with all my might to be quiet, which turned out successful to my surprise, now only paying attention to the floor as I tiptoed my way to the bedroom. Entering the sunlit expanse, I mutedly shut the door behind me yet again accomplishing silence, I turned around in mid tiptoe before I realized Roger was awake and watching me while comfortably on his side, using his hand to prop his head off the bed. I tried to cover my hard swallow as his eyes burned through mine.

"Where'd you go, love?" His eyebrows were furrowed, patting the empty spot next to his shirtless figure. I normally walked over to the side of the soft mattress, laying down in the spot next to him and feeling his familiar warmth. Without him in bed, it was always cold, no matter how many blankets I used. I feared I'd never get that feeling again once he found out. Suddenly blanketed panic came upon me, how was I supposed to support myself and a child without a job? I'd have to pay rent, baby essentials, house appliances and food. Roger was the one that allowed the two of us to live comfortably. I brushed off the thought, trying to put up the facade for him.

"Just the bathroom." I smiled at him while running my hand through his soft blonde hair, even after sleeping, it wasn't tangled. He grabbed my hand with his free one, giving it a small kiss then rubbing my knuckles softly. His arm that held his head moved to under my neck, allowing me to cuddle up closer to his vessel as his other arm snaked around my waist. I felt the soft touch of his lips to my forehead before whispering a sleepy I love you. I wanted it to last forever.

I had forgotten our plans tonight, Brian and John were supposed to come for dinner while Freddie was off to god knows where, I attempted to invite him but he sadly declined. I was okay with just the two of them joining us, I just wish it could've been the whole crew. All day the whole pregnancy thing has been on my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about it but I wasn't ready to tell Rog, I just wanted things to be good for a little longer. Especially knowing that this whole thing could backfire on me. I offered to cook tonight so I didn't have to do much interaction, due to the boys having a drink in the living room while I worked away in the kitchen. This also gave me an opportunity to have some alone time so I can fully think things through.

"Rog, Bri, Deaky! Dinners ready!" I yelled as I removed my oven mitts and started dishing up food for the boys.

"Smells wonderful, darling." I heard Rogers sweet voice in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. He left a kiss on my upper cheekbone, instantly feeling a blush appearing on both cheeks. I took a seat with the rest of the boys as we all dug in, I heard hums from the 3 of them, showing me I did good.

Around 9 pm, both Brian and John left after sharing hugs and thank you's for the dinner which made me feel good. I enjoyed having everyone over at our house, it made me strangely feel like a real couple.

"I have an idea." Roger said before biting his lip and taking both of my hands in his. "Go wait patiently on the bed for daddy, I have to pee real quick." He said winking at me before jogging off to the hallway.

"Way to ruin the mood with your bladder!" I yelled with a smile. I appreciated how good my life was, and I hoped with all my heart that it would stay this way, or even get better. I walked to the bedroom, taking off my sweater and neatly folding it on the desk chair. As I went to take my bra off, Roger came stomping in holding a blue object in his hand. Fuck, it was the pregnancy test.

"I had to find out you were pregnant by the shitty garbage can falling over when I accidentally kicked it. When the fuck were you going to tell me?" He yelled from about 7 feet away, his voice slightly cracking at the end. That's what happened when he was about to cry, I just knew it.

'"Roger don't you dare yell at me." I said as calmly as I could, shutting my eyes harshly for a good 3 seconds. This was not how I wanted him to find out.

"Are you serious, Y/N? How long did you know? You're seriously going to get pregnant, 6 months before my tour, 6 months?!" He took a few steps closer.

"You're going to blame me for being pregnant? You're the stupid ass, you don't know how to fucking use a condom correctly, and it's clear because of the fucking two lines." I took a step closer too, now it was my turn to raise my voice and reach his.

"You should be on the pill, Y/N!" He took another step, now we barely had any room between us.

"You are the stupidest and rudest guy I've ever fucking met, Roger Taylor. Were you even paying attention at my doctors visit or when I complained multiple time about the pill giving me horrible headaches? Why should I have to deal with constant migraines so you can enjoy humming in me like a 'big boy'." We were practically spitting in each others faces. "Go fuck off and sleep on the couch tonight." I didn't yell this time, but the look on my face showed my emotion. He scoffed then walked to the bed to reach for a throw blanket. "No, go out there and freeze." I said storming over to him and snatching the blanket from his hand. All he did was look at me with a disgusted expression, then finally left, slamming the bedroom door behind him. I dropped down onto the edge of the cushion, throwing the blanket onto the bed before resting my face in my hands while my elbows dug into my knees. Suddenly the small house was vibrating at each loud thump coming from Rogers music room, I knew he was banging on the drums to let out anger plus attempting to piss me off even more, he had the knowledge that past 8 pm he wasn't supposed to play them, that was our rule. I decided I'd just try to sleep off the anger, but it would be hard to fall asleep with the consistent banging.

I woke up groggily to the smell of breakfast being made, Roger always made breakfast throughout Saturday-Monday, I had a feeling he made it just for himself this morning. I rolled over with my back facing the door until I heard a light knock on the door. I looked over my shoulder only to see Roger enter with a tray.

"I made you something." He said with a hint of a sad emotion visible. I sat up in the cold bed, watching him as he carefully walked over to the bed, setting down the tray of breakfast with a small vase of my favorite flowers then sitting on the floor, chest level with the frame. "I'm really sorry Y/N." He said after a few moments of silence.

"I'm sorry too Rog, I really should've told you." I whispered, looking down at my hands.

"Its scary knowing you're pregnant, but the more I think about it, the better it seems." He paused. "I have no doubt that I'm spending the rest of my life with you. Having a kid with you sounds like a dream, and yes, maybe a dream we planned later down the line, but this is whats happening now. Theres no such thing as 'right moments', it's always a right moment if you take it that way. I took it as a bad moment and bad timing last night, but I had time to think and fully process what this meant for us." He seemed like he was getting emotional so I leaned over to place a soft kiss upon his lips.

"I think we can make this work, our little Miss Rogerina." I giggled.

"Yeah - definitely not. If we have a girl, we will be naming her anything but that. Plus, of course were having a little baby boy." He winked at me.

"How about we discuss these things later? I just need some food right now, and some cuddles from my beautiful boyfriend."

"You mean Fiancé?" He asked with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" I questioned. He reached to his back pocket, removing a black velvet box and setting it down on the bed, then placing his chin on the mattress, observing me as I gasped. "No you didn't." I said in disbelief. He shrugged with a sly grin on his face. I bit my lip as I took the box and opened it to reveal a silver band with a single diamond on it. It was so simple, yet beyond gorgeous.

"What do you say, you wanna do this thing?" He asked while eying the ring I held.

"Fuck yes." I managed to get out.

{TAG LIST / @michael-langdonahs }

MASTERLINK

[dewitty1]

Chapters: 24/24 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, various oc's Additional Tags: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Falling In Love, Head Auror Harry Potter, Head of Magical Games and Sports Draco Malfoy, theres like almost no conflict here you guys, if you want angst this isnt the place to find it, seriously, its pure fluff, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley Summary:

The Ministry Christmas party is the biggest event of the year and Harry absolutely does not want to plan it, and he certainly, one hundred percent, does not have a crush on Draco Malfoy.

Excerpt:

He left the office and began the complicated charms to restore the magical balance and get the heat back on. It was a bit distracting, knowing Malfoy was just behind the door. 

Knowing he was shivering at his desk while he did his staffs' work. Harry wanted to go back in there and just… just talk to him. Merlin, it didn't even matter what they talked about. 

Right now though, he needed to focus. He threw as much energy as he could into the spells. Malfoy was fucking freezing right now, and Harry wanted to help him warm up.

With charms! he hastily added, his cheeks heating despite the cold.

About forty minutes had passed when he finally felt the magical energy in the room settling back to a normal level, and after a final sweep of his wand, Harry felt the first faint curls of the heating charms kicking back in and creeping across his skin.

He exhaled in relief, stowing his wand away.

"Finally." Harry spun around. Malfoy was leaning against his door jam, watching him. "You fixed it," he added.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. Sorry it took so long."

Malfoy's gaze dropped, running over Harry, and Harry's stomach twisted under the scrutiny.

"Nice overalls," Malfoy commented, smirking.

"Shut up," Harry muttered. "I was being helpful."

"Come in here," Malfoy said suddenly, turning back into his office. It was still too cold, and Harry wanted to tell him to go and get himself a cup of coffee, but he followed silently. Malfoy opened his top drawer and pulled out a package similar to the one he'd given Harry last week.

"Gingerbread?" Harry asked, stepping around the desk and grinning.

Malfoy held it out to him. "You did win." He shrugged. "If nothing else, I'm a man of my word."

His hand brushed Harry's when Harry accepted the small package. "You're still freezing," Harry said, frowning as he tucked the gingerbread into his pocket. "How long were you sat in here for?"

"A while. It's fine." Malfoy shrugged again, but when Harry looked closer, he noticed Malfoy's lips were lacking color.

"Malfoy," he said, his voice lower than he intended, "you're fucking freezing."

Malfoy swallowed, his tongue darting out instinctively to lick at his bottom lip. "I'm fine," he said quietly. "I'm not even cold."

Harry took a step closer, reaching out without thinking and pressing his thumb lightly to Malfoy's bottom lip. "Your lips are blue," he murmured. "You need to warm up."

He didn't really know what he was doing. He didn't know if this was okay, or even what this was. So he waited, his thumb still brushing Malfoy's lip.

Malfoy was watching him, eyes slightly wide, and Harry could feel his warm breath against his skin.

"What do you suggest?" Malfoy finally asked a little breathlessly, eyes flicking to Harry's mouth.

Harry stepped closer, close enough that his chest was almost brushing against Malfoy's. "You need to warm up," he murmured again.

Malfoy's eyes were dark, and he swayed forward slightly. 

"Harry," he said softly, barely a whisper. It might have been a question, Harry wasn't sure, but then he was leaning forward so that their mouths were barely a breath apart.

"I want to kiss you," Harry said, one hand bunching in the front of Malfoy's robes. "Can I kiss you?"

Malfoy gave a jerky nod, and it was all the confirmation Harry needed. He pressed his lips to Malfoy's, his stomach flipping at the first incredible touch. Malfoy made a sound like a soft, happy sigh, and he kissed Harry back, one hand reaching up to cup the back of Harry's neck.

At the first hint of Malfoy's tongue against Harry's lips, Harry groaned and opened his mouth. 

The kiss was slow and soft, unhurried. A tentative exploration that still managed to make Harry's toes curl and his breath come out in short pants.

When they finally pulled apart, Harry couldn't hide the smile on his face. Malfoy's cheeks were slightly flushed, his robes a little skewed from where Harry had been holding onto them, and his lips were now pink and swollen. He let out a shaky breath.

"I can't believe I let you kiss me while wearing those things," he said.

Harry glanced down at the overalls he'd borrowed and laughed. "Next time I'll be sure to wear something you approve of," he said. Realising what he'd implied, he hastily added, "if you, you know, want there to be a next time. I'm not assuming or anything, like, I would like that, obviously, but I just thought—"

He was cut off by Malfoy reaching out and running his fingers through Harry's beard.

"Your beard is softer than I thought it would be," he said quietly. "It barely scratched me at all."

Harry bit down on his bottom lip to try and contain his grin. 

"You've thought about this before?"

"Maybe," Malfoy admitted, pulling his hand away. "Once or twice."

Harry liked that a lot. He liked that Malfoy had thought about kissing him, had thought about how it would feel, what it would be like. Harry wanted to kiss him again right now, but then they heard voices outside — the other members of Malfoy's team coming back to work — so Harry stepped back.

"I better go," he said reluctantly. "I have to talk to Kingsley anyway, but you should go and get some coffee or something. For warmth."

Malfoy chuckled. "Funnily enough, I'm feeling rather warm now," he said, giving Harry a look that made Harry want to grab him and snog him senseless.

[sweetboybucky]

Dreamers

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2600

Warnings: Infinity War compliant. Aka - a lot of sads. 

Summary: In the time he is gone, one thing remains. 

A/N: My piece for the Marvellous Writing Challenge, hosted by the angel @bucky-at-bedtime, who was so kind as to give me an extension. (Jess - I love you so much, I hope you know.) My prompt was “Saudade”, and what was originally going to be a sequel to my one other angst fic, Golden, turned into this. Please don’t kill me. 

Taking a page out of @evanstarff‘s book for this one and going with a reader adopted into a Wakandan family. There are also a few notes at the end, if you want to read those. 

My Masterlist

*** A war was waged.

The aftermath sits in front of you.

Rests there, in the ocean blue eyes of a soldier you have only just begun to know. The one you’d once only heard stories of.

The man with more burdens to carry than you could ever imagine. With the weight of an ungrateful and unforgiving world on his shoulders. The world he’s worked to save so many times.

A silent apology.

A wish for things to be different.

Tears.

You find them there, in that harrowing expression on a face that should never wear it.

You don’t ask.

You know.

***

There is a space between the world you know and all of the others you’ve come to discover in your time. Those realities that hold the souls of all that have been lost. The souls you still have yet to meet. A mirror image of the life you know.

You find him there, in the night.

His voice calls out to you, where you rest in that hazy middle ground. And it’s strong, like it always was. Strong even when it had no reason to be, even when he wasn’t. It pulls you into the inky night with its soft timbre, your name spreading tendrils of awareness through you.

It wakes something within you. Something raw and real and aching as you search for him. As you reach blindly into that darkness. Hoping and hoping and hoping.

But he’s just beyond your grasp. A breath away, whispering to you. Your name falls into the dark from lips you want to see more than anything. Lips you want to trace with your fingers, kiss until the world has finished turning.

You whisper back to him, voice desperate and pleading through the darkness.

***

Ochre light brings a new day.

It flecks across walls and floor and sheets. Sheets that should hold him beside you, the man who laid his soul out to bare for you on them in memories tinged with a certain fondness.

Memories that don’t flow like fire, the way they once had.

Memories that sting in the aftermath.

That careful ember, the one he’d lit within you, has left the hollow in your chest. Lit the sun, instead. Forced a new morning into your hands. A world he no longer breathes in.

And your heart aches with strangled sobs, body curling around his pillow and pressing into the sheets that still smell like him. Eyes close, shut out the view of the home he made in the quiet.

But reality exists without him, now.  

That fact is carving itself into your bones.

***

Many hours later, once dawn has truly broken and everything has settled heavy into your heart once again, you find your self on a trail he showed to you.

Green folds around you. Leads you to the little hillside he found, sitting just to the side of his farm. Above the lake. Another corner of the world he could almost call his own.

The place he still wanted to share with you.

And it feels wrong, settling into the grass on your own. Tracing trembling fingers through dark dirt instead of threading them through chestnut hair. Resting in that quiet place he first showed to you. Before everything began.

Before the end.

Blue sky and soft clouds roam overhead. Sparkling waters lie still beneath you. Trees brush together in the breeze, echo against the emptiness of the space. In your heart.

It’s a view you’ve seen so many times. A place you’ve spent so many afternoons, with a man far more beautiful than any sunset could ever be. And even before he came to you, the sky was still there.

It feels different now. So unlike the other days you spent underneath it.

Sitting on the grassy hill with the absence of that warm arm around your back. Lips against your skin, a rumbly voice finding its own special place within your heart.

It feels final.

***

Every night is the same.

Dark and cold. Lined with wanting. Frenzied thoughts and soft confessions and an ache so real it nearly eats you alive.

His voice speaks back to you, quiet but strong as ever. Soft in that way it always was, affection bleeding through every word he murmurs to you.

And then morning falls onto you once again. Draws muted light to your eyes and a desperate plea from your lips as fingers search for the body that should lay beside you against cool, threadbare sheets

But morning is an ever present thing.

Light always washes him away.

***

For weeks, Bucky’s voice finds you at night. In the dark.

One day, in the hours the sun claims, a different voice is there.

It’s a soft whisper. A careful, “Hey,” as he settles in the grass next to you. Watches the way the lake shines with the light of midday.

You turn to him for a moment. Notice the dulled expression on his face. See the way his once golden hair falls against his face, unkempt and dark. The set of his jaw, the line of his mouth, not even a hint of a smile tugging at the edges.

He’s worn. More so than you.

He’s lost. Same as you.

Ocean eyes stay trained on the sky. But his lips part enough to murmur, “He talked about you.”

Bucky’s face comes into your mind, easy as anything. And surprise lights through you at Steve’s words, pained and heavy.

Lashes shield irises filled with regret. “He talked about you all the time.” Eyes flick to you, just for a moment. Burn through your mind and body and soul. “I don’t think we had one conversation where he didn’t bring you up.”

His face tips down, gaze falling to callused hands in his lap. There’s a ghost of a smile in his voice as he adds, “I always teased him about it. How crazy he was about you.”

Tears gather around your eyes, warm and wet and burning through the last bit of your resolve.

Steve glances at you, expression just a little softer once its aimed toward you. “I’d never seen him that way. Even before - before everything.” He bumps his shoulder into yours, a fond, cautious gesture. “There were girls, but none of them were you.”

And that hurts more than it should. More than you think he meant it to. Coming from the man your love trusted with anything, defended at every turn. Spoke of like a vision, a dream he was so lucky to live in.

Tears slip down your face in the silence. As Steve turns away, face twisted and creased and pained. You can see the slump of his shoulders. Feel the inhale he takes, steeling himself his next words. For what’s to come.

“It never hurts any less,” he tells you, voice quieter than you’ve ever heard. An echo of the heartache he keeps locked away. Fingers trace over a blade of grass. “But it gets easier to manage. Just takes time.”

A hand reaches for yours, firm and rough and trembling just a little, fingers squeezing against your own. And his voice is so sincere, so real as he breathes out one last sentiment. Something that is both the balm for your soul and everything you don’t want to hear.

“But, wherever he is, now, he loves you just the same.”

***

That hollow spaces fits against you, the same way it has every other night since the end.

For a long while, the stillness of it washes over you. Inky black and completely silent.

But you can feel him. You can always feel him.

Is it true?

It’s a question breathed into the quiet. One torn from your chest, filled with longing.

He doesn’t ask what you’re referring to. He doesn’t need to.

There’s only a soft sigh. The feeling of him as he answers.

Always, he tells you, reverent and final in the way you need. Always.

***

Time is such a cruel thing, now.

It moves against you. Presses into your skin, falls into your mind with a terrible kind of determination. It pushes the world on, pushes you on. Forces you to watch the new reality you live in try to rebuild itself.

It brings you to your apartment.

Months have passed since you’ve seen it, his hut serving as your home and your hell in that time. But you know that you can’t stay there forever. You can’t bear to sleep in a bed of ghosts any longer.

The lock clicks the same as it always did, the door creaking in that familiar way. It gives way to the living room, small kitchen just adjacent to it.

Everything is in its place. Nothing has changed.

And yet - it has.

There’s no soft greeting waiting for you, anymore. No feet to slide along the floor, no arm to curl around you and tuck you against his body. Lips to kiss away the crease in your brows, the ache in your bones.

But his book sits on the table. His favorite blanket is tucked into the corner of the couch. A worn pair of sneakers near the door. The dark green mug he always used in the sink. 

The remnants of him are still here. Scattered around one of the only other places he’d been able to find refuge.

***

Phantom memories find you in the dust of your apartment.

Chestnut hair mussed in the morning. The smell of his favorite tea. Soft socks and all of the sweaters you stole from him. Pressing into this side, holding his hand at the market. Whispering to him when the ice crept back into his heart.

The stories he told you. Stories of the sky, the stars.

The same stars under your tired gaze now.

And even after everything, even in the absence of the man who loved them most, those stars remain the same. Unchanged by the rest of the world’s decisions.

They shine among inky blue. Glisten in the darkness, mapped out along an impossibly big sky. Absolute and so unknown. Arranged in their intricate patterns.

He spent more nights than you could count studying them. Resting near the large bay window of your apartment in a city still so unfamiliar to his weary heart. A city he grew so fond of. A city that grew so fond of him.

And he held you in the night. Brushed his lips against your skin and whispered about a constellation you couldn’t see. A woman given a beautiful crown, written into the stars once she’d passed. A reminder of who she was.

A reminder that, more than anything, she was loved, even after she was lost.

So much longing lies within you. Grief you never imagined you would feel. A fierce kind of sadness that takes over your mind and heart and soul and leaves you aching.

But more than anything, there is love.

You close your eyes against the sky those gray eyes loved to see and wish him into the stars.

***

Seasons pass. Come in with the cold and leave with the warm. Draw in new breezes and heady air and fleeting thoughts. Fleeting images of pale cheeks flushed with cool wind, with summer air.

And with every passing day, that face is a little harder to remember.

The line of his nose. The little wrinkles near his eye, those that only appeared in the face of his smile. Gray eyes sliding open in the morning, sparking with the possibility of a new day.

It grows fuzzy, the image of him, the sound of his laughter, as years that hardly feel like years drone on. As life moves on despite it all.

Anger festers within you. Rivals with the grief that still lives on, even after all this time. Even after the exact shade of his eyes isn’t as easy to conjure in your mind anymore.

But that soft affection you felt for him. That fierce kind of fondness, blinding and overwhelming and so strong. 

That remains. 

Even as years wane. As time spans on and life without him shifts into something close to normal. 

The way he made you feel - the way he always makes you feel - never dies down. Never shrinks in the face of a new sunrise, as dawn falls onto the world and his voice slips away. 

It only grows stronger. 

***

The hollow still finds you in that strange place between your reality and his. Dark and cold and full of him. So close you can almost feel him. So real it hurts.

And his voice is still there, murmuring things you don’t really listen to. Echoing around the empty space he should be, that soft little place you made for him in your heart. 

It’s a blessing, to know he’s there. To know he’s somewhere. 

It’s a curse, to know he’s somewhere you can’t reach him. Not really. 

So you hold onto his voice. Try to grasp the threads of it in your fingers. Close your eyes and let it fall over you, gentle and calm and beautiful as it is. 

***

It’s a rising tension in the air. A shift in the world, so similar to the one you felt years ago. Before the end.

Another war has begun.

***

The night he doesn’t visit you, his favorite stars do.

They gather you up in their impossibly soft embrace. Hold you close, keep you warm. Shelter you from the darkness and the grief, even if only for a few moments.

In the space between the lines, the thin veil of reality you’ve been able to find, where he is close and still so far, they whisper to you.

A story forms through the haze of their voices. One of two lovers set in the sky, separated by a river of stars between them. Close enough to taste each other. Destined to be apart.

But for one night, the heavens open up. And the two are offered the gift of time. Allowed to be together, even if only for a moment.

Bucky’s voice permeates through it all. Parts the dark of the sky, the river of stars lying between you. He calls out your name, fierce and desperate and full of love. So much love.

He’s close. You know he is. You can feel him, drawing toward you with every passing second.

***

You wake to tense air and soft light. Something strong beating within you, like the tap of his pulse has settled into your skin.

He’s so close.

Rumpled sheets gather in your hands, those that have long since lost any trace of his smell. Eyes close against the fabric, breaths shudder through a weary chest.

For the first time since the end, you hope.

***

The world has crumbled once again.

Been marred by the jaws of fate. Splintered in ways no one can ever hope to repair. Developed cracks that you know can never be filled.

But as the dust settles, he is there.

His face is worn but soft in that way it always was. Warm and open and kind, fixed with the bright smile that had grown fuzzy around the edges in your hazy memory. Slate eyes find yours through the distance, across the grassy patch of his home.

An eternity has passed.

And yet, no time has drawn between the two of you at all.

Fondness rings through you, clear as anything. That sting of grief, the ache of longing fades into something achingly familiar. Gives way to the one feeling that never left, even on the darkest days. Even in the moments you were sure it would.

Love.

It sings in the air, fills your heart and mind and soul and pushes you forward a step. Then another. Until he’s right in front of you. Broken and ragged and different.

But still.

He’s beautiful.

Grin grows. Teeth flash. Lines spark up near his eyes, so small and so sweet.

Bucky holds out his hand.

You take it.

***

Notes:

Title taken from ‘Rainbow Connection’ by Sleeping At Last. 

I took another page out of @evanstarff‘s book and made a playlist for this fic, which you can find here. 

The constellations used in this piece are Corona Borealis, or The Northern Crown, and the story of Altair and Vega. (The interpretations I went by are not the only variations of this story, just those I thought fit best.)

A huge thank you to the incredible Star Queen, @fangirlfiction, for lending me her expertise in the space things for this fic. 

One more thank you, to my beautiful love, @marvelous-avengers, who read and cried before posting, who is always there when I need her - I adore you more than you could ever know. Thank you for everything. 

MAIN TAG LIST:

@solarbarnes II @akamaiden II @my-meant-to-find-blog II @marvelous-avengers II @jack4xx II @buckyforbreakfast II @theglowstickofdestiny II @bucky-at-bedtime II @notimetoblog II @deceivedeer II @teawithbucky II @veronicalei II @part-time-patronus II @thunderous-flower II @thelostverse II @delicatecapnerd II @pizzarollpatrol II @laurfangirl424 II @stevieboyharrington II @yknott81 II @bucky-smiles II @buckysb-tch II @a-watson-in-search-of-a-sherlock II @heartssick II @spxder-bxck II @bottled-starr II @buckybarneshairpullingkink II @yenneffersstuff II @fangirlfictionmain II @creideamhgradochas II @queenofstarliqht II @dessinemoiunehistoire

[harrysscheshirecat]

Tea

The one where Harry is woefully ill prepared for breakfast. Later, Lenin brings H a birthday gift only to find him already celebrating with someone else. (fluff turned relationship angst) (Playboy!Harry)

Word Count: 2.6k

Harry was awoken to the sound of gentle rustling. He reached out for Lenin but her side of the bed was cold and empty. It must’ve been before 7, the sun wasn’t even out yet. Far too early for him to be without a bedmate. And on his birthday, no less. He pushed up from the bed to survey the dark room, stretching out in the process. She was easy enough to spot, with her mobile light illuminating her path. Harry turned to lay down on his back, propped up against the pillows. He watched her tip toe across the room collecting her things. “Were you even going to wake me?” he startled her, jumping in place at his words. “Or were you just going to leave me like some harlot?” That earned him an eye roll, but the hint of a smile tugging at her pillowy lips let him know she wasn’t too annoyed.

“I didn’t want to wake you.” she whispered, coming over to him to perch herself on the side of the bed and place a chaste good morning kiss on his cheek. “I have to work.” He remembered. That didn't mean he liked it anymore than he did when she originally told him.

“But it’s m’ birthday.” he pouted, taking her hand in his. He missed her skin already, hidden beneath her long sleeved shirt and dark jeans.

“Don’t make me feel worse!” she whined back.

He didn’t want her feeling bad, as much as he joked. “’m only joking.” he assured her.  “Do ya have time for breakfast at least? I could whip us up some scramble.” he suggested, running a hand through his unruly locks.

“Shouldn’t I be making you breakfast, Birthday boy?” she smiled. Harry couldn’t lie, he was quite liking this special birthday treatment. Midnight handy, an offer to make breakfast, he could only imagine what else she might have in store for him tonight. But before his mind could wonder too far, he caught himself.

“Maybe, but I'm host. So I must insist.” Harry threw the covers off of him and gently scooted Lenin off the bed before hopping out himself. “Plus I make a mean egg.” He held a hand out for her.

Lenin looked at the time on her mobile, “It’ll have to be quick.”

“Oh, I can be fast.” Harry didn’t like the way that sounded as soon as it left his mouth. “Er- with the eggs  I can be quick with the eggs.” he should really stop talking. “It doesn’t take long to cook them.” Lenin just looked on with an raised brow and a smile on her face, as amused as ever by him. That fact helped lessened his chagrin. He’d gladly make a fool of himself if it made her smile or laugh.

He went to lead her out of the room when but stopped when she didn't move. He looked back to her expectantly. “Aren’t you forgetting something, Styles?” Harry didn't know what she could possibly be referring to. They were only going to the kitchen, what was there to forget? She just sort of gawked at him, “Are you going to put on trousers?”

Harry couldn’t hide his goofy grin. “I wasn’t planning on it, lovey.” It was the sort of thing he normally wouldn’t think twice about. “’t’s only m’ kitchen.”

“...But you want to cook?” she asked. “That’s like, a safety hazard, babe.” Harry quite liked when she used pet names with him, though she was usually more careful, the occasional ‘babe’ only slipping through after a few drinks or a hit off whatever joint was being passed around. He tried not to read too much into the casual use of it now.

“I’ll be fine.” he assured her. But the way she bit at her bottom left led him to believe she was still genuinely concerned. “Besides, theres an apron if need be.” he held a hand out to her again, fingers wiggling. “Come on.” She accepted and he led her the way down the hall to the kitchen.

“Wait here,” Harry let her hand go when they entered the kitchen. He ducked down to open the drawer where he kept the tea towels, and in the very back, he found a little waist apron. He popped back up with his found treasure in hand raised above his head triumphantly. He let it unfold in his hand and tied it around his waist, first ‘round back, then back to the front to tie it, just as he used to do it when he worked in the bakery. “There.” Lenin laughed openly at his stance, bare chest puffed out and hand on his hips. God, he loved that sound. And the way she covered her mouth far too late to effectively hold back her giggles.

He wasn’t thinking when he left his spot in the middle of the kitchen to give Lenin a proper kiss. It just felt right. She seemed to think so too, the way she melted into him. One hand tangled itself in her long locks and the other found its way into her back jean pocket. He was surprised when she didn’t swat his hands away like usual. One kiss after another, pulling her impossibly closer with each peck. She felt so good against him, so warm. He needed to stop, before his brain switched off completely.

“I’ll get the eggs.” Harry announced when they finally pulled away from each other.

“I can make the tea.” Lenin declared slowly, a bit dazed. Harry couldn’t help but be a little chuffed about that. Lenin fetched the kettle from the stove top and skipped to the sink to fill it. She absentmindedly started to hum over the tap, body gently swaying with the improvised tune. Harry momentarily forgot the task at hand, enamored with her again. She carried the kettle back to the stove hob and turned it on. “...Where might I find the tea?” she spun around the kitchen on her heels and Harry was broken from his reverie.  

He didn’t know if he even had any tea. Though he thought he recalled his Mum bringing a tin or two down with her when she came to visit. “Try the cabinet to the left.” he pointed her in the right direction.

Harry opened the refrigerator only to see their food selection was limited as well. He kept an eye on Lenin in his peripheral. He reckoned from her frown her findings weren't too prosperous either. “You don't have tea?” she whispered the words as if they were blasphemous. Harry was more of a coffee person, but he knew he'd be picking some up after this. She wouldn’t be without again.

“No eggs, either, I'm afraid.” he admitted sheepishly, closing the refrigerator. Harry never bothered much with groceries considering how much he was actually home. Everything would go bad before he could get to it. “’m sorry.” Usually it was only an inconvenience to him. This was embarrassing. “I can order something here.” He knew that was a long shot with her tight schedule but he had to at least offer.

“Don’t worry about me, I can grab something from catering.” Lenin assured him. “But what about you?”

Eating out and take-away had become more of a staple in his life than he would care to admit. But just as he struggled for an answer, he eyed a bowl of green apples on his table. Some of the only food in the house, he had sent his assistant out for a few things, fresh fruit he knew he’d eat included. He reached out to grab one and took a bite, making a show of his breakfast.

Harry wiped the natural juice of the fruit that dribbled down his chin and swore he caught Lenin staring at his mouth as he did so, the unmistakable look of lust in her eyes. The same look from last night. He couldn’t forget it so he was sure when he saw it again as he licked his lips clean. “You alright?” he smirked.

Her eyes snapped back to his, “Yeah!” his smirk grew when he saw a blush creep up her cheeks. What he wold give to know where her mind just was. “I’m going to be late.” Convenient. She had enough time for breakfast not a moment ago and now she was running out on him. “Have a good day, Harry!”

“I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” he called out after her.

“Mhm.” Lenin nodded before she exited the room, “Happy Birthday!” she shouted from the hall. The front door closing let him know he was alone again.  

The door swung open, “Happy Birthday to you,” Lenin sang, stood on the porch, single cupcake in hand. It had a candle lit and everything. A smile split across his face upon seeing her again. “Happy Birthday to you.” His own little Marilyn crooning for him. She didn’t finish the song though, and Harry reckoned it was because of the extra person that came to stand in the doorway with him.

“Oh, that’s so cute!” Justina squealed from her place at his side. “Is it from Sprinkles?” Harry was mildly annoyed with his friend. It wasn’t her fault, it just felt as though she was intruding on something that was meant to be just the two of them.

Lenin didn’t miss a beat. “Yes! Good eye!” Her smile was radiant, but too rehearsed. It was the same one she wore on red carpets and other public events. The one she could hold for hours. Expect it didn’t meet her eyes like usual. She was not happy and Harry felt terrible.

Justina smiled brightly, “They’re his favorite.” her free hand settled in front of his stomach. He made him uncomfortable. The way she spoke with Lenin, the way she touched him, all painfully obvious ploys trying to assert ‘ownership’ of him or imply some sort of relationship. He stepped away from her, but left his hand as a sort of consolation. She just wrapped herself around his arm.

“Yeah,” her eyes darted from her shirt- or more specifically Harry’s shirt that Justina was wearing- to him and back to her, “I should have picked more up. Silly me.” It’s like she was saying, ‘I should’ve known you’d have company.’

“Oh, no worries, I don’t eat sweets.” Justina was quick to assure Lenin. She gave a stiff nod in response. 

“Make a wish” Lenin interjected, holding the small cake up to H and carefully cupping the small flame that remained as to make sure it didn’t go out.

Harry leaned forward and blew it out, wishing to spend the rest of the day with his sweet girl. “Thank you, love.” He then placed a kiss on Lenin’s cheek. She was such a good girl. Far better than he deserved right now. “I thought you were working today?”  

“I am. I just- I wanted to make sure you got this.” Lenin handed him the cupcake then leant behind one of the big planters on his porch. She produced a small decorative gift bag with a balloon attached. Lenin had gone out of her way to make their own little party for two. Expect there were three. Harry tried to swallow back the guilt but the knot in his throat was growing. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” she had already done more than enough to make it a birthday he would remember.

“It’s nothing much, really.” Lenin insisted. But the fact that she thought to pick anything up for him at all was a gift unto itself.

“You should open it, babe!” Justina encouraged, irritating him further.

“Would you come in at least?” Harry invited Lenin in, not wanting her standing out on his front porch for too long.

“Yeah! I was just making Har lunch. We have more than enough.” Justina chimed in. It made Harry cringe, knowing how it probably sounded to Lenin. Knowing how it all sounded to Lenin. He was hearing it as she was. And couldn’t say anything, because it was all true.

Harry saw a look of hurt flash over her features for the briefest of moments before they were fixed back into an unreadable expression. She was quick to wave off their invite, “I have to be going actually. ” 

“Aww, but watching them open it is like, half the fun, yeah? Open it quick.” Justina was pretty persistent. Lenin stayed as mum as ever, not giving any indication on what she preferred. He didn’t want to open it but felt obligated now.

Harry reluctantly went to remove the decoratively placed tissue paper. There were only a few pieces to shift through before he found a big variety tin of tea at the bottom of the bag. It made him smile. A small chuckle left him as he remembered their morning together fondly, “Thank you.” he bowed his head.

“What is it?” the blonde peaked into the bag as well. “Oh.” She couldn’t hide her disappointment with the British necessity. Without the backstory he could very well understand how some might find it a bit dull. He certainly wasn’t going to explain it to her.

“Like I said, nothing big.” but something he needed, nonetheless. He loved it. Len’s mobile pinged and she pulled it from her pocket to glance at the screen. “I really need to be going now. You guys have a good one.” She backed off the porch without another word, like she couldn’t get away fast enough.

“Wait.” Harry called after her. “I’ll walk you to your car.” He jogged to catch up to her. She didn’t slow. “Hey,” he reached out and grabbed her elbow. “Hey. Thank you, really.”

“Don't mention it.” He could see her fighting with herself, if she should say something. He hoped she did. Anything. “I should’ve called.”

“You know you're always welcome here.” She wouldn’t look at him, rather busying herself with her key fob. He needed to say something to fix this. “Hey, I’m sorry. yeah?” He meant it. He never ever meant to hurt Lenin.

“Don't be.” she shrugged, “You haven’t done anything wrong.” He knew that. They weren’t in a relationship. They were just friends. Then why did he feel so shit?

“I must’ve if you’re upset.” he stared intently at her.

“I- really need to be going.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t leave upset.” He hated to think of that. He would’ve tried harder, to have her stay if she wasn’t working. 

“I’m not.” she lied. But he didn’t push it. They could talk later.

“I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” the car beeped unlocked and Harry got the door for her.

“I’m actually flying out in a few hours.” Lenin got into her car and waited expectantly for Harry to close it behind her, which he did after a beat.

Her window was down so they could continue their conversation. “No! You have to come!” he leaned down to her window. “I’ll have no fun without you.” She had confirmed just this morning! Either she had double booked- which was unlike her- or she was just making something up. Harry reckoned it was the latter, and had an even stronger suspicion it had something to do with the blonde in his house at that very moment.

“I’m sure you’ll manage.” She still wouldn’t look at him. Staring straight through her windshield instead.

“Are you back this week? Maybe we could celebrate later.” he offered, still hanging on her door.

“Any reason to continue the festivities, hm?” she was still teasing him, so that must’ve been a good sign. He wasn’t completely out of her good graces.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Could be fun. With you. Pleeease.”

“I don’t know, Harry.” she was short with him this time. She was usually on top off her schedule, another indicator she was fibbing. She was so mad, he could tell. But she wasn’t saying anything. She was absolutely maddening.

“Be safe. Traveling.” He stepped away from the car.

“Happy Birthday, Harry.”

Harry texted her that night at the party. And after the party. When he got no response back, he called. No answer either. With her voicemail box full. Curiosity got the best of him by the end of the week, resulting in him preforming the almost treasonous act of googling her. She was fine, of course. Attending one of Europes’ Fashion Weeks. Sitting in the front row of every important show and staying out late after. He attempted to get ahold of her a few more times to no avail.

It would be three months until they next spoke with each other again.

Author’s Notes: H’s birthday left me with all sorts of feels so you get a second post in honor of Harry’s birthday month. (Read the first part here)  Based on the ever intrusive thought that H has way too many mates to ever be left alone on his Birthday... I struggled writing this, fighting with writers block. Admittedly not my best work but feedback is welcome, as always. xx. K

[saturnsorbits]

This, honestly, is some of the most beautifully painful angst I've ever read. It's a harrowing journey, one that keeps its pain concise and well rooted – delivering punch after punch as we're forced on this journey of woe. This piece forces us to watch, to bare witness as Sero Hanta has his heart shattered right there in his chest.

The theme of cherry blossoms is a wonderful way to tie this piece together. It's a brilliant piece of imagery, one already stark without the semantic value this story goes on to provide it – making each mention of the blossoms pack an extra weight. The opening lines of 'Sero Hanta hating cherry blossoms' forces the audience to ask a question: 'why?' and engages us right out of the gate. The following images that follow this original statement and work to both answer the question and fill in Sero and Reader's story are poignant and striking. The cold note of 'cherry blossoms stick[ing] to your body and in your hair, the water acting like glue to keep them there' (Side note: This line is so phonologically pleasing, I've been repeating it to myself all day. It's poetic, carrying a musical undertone that works to almost create a soundscape around the stark image of Reader being hauled from the water. Lines like this make pieces of prose feel like movies. It's fucking spectacular. Absolutely perfect. Brilliant. 10/10, incredible writing, right here). This image is then contrasted with the 'happy' memory, the one in which Sero describes Reader as 'look[ing] alive' when surrounded by them. This is the nail in the coffin, the juxtaposition of these two images all, but tearing out our hearts as we watch a good memory shift into a bad one in real time. It's almost reminiscent of the scene in 1917, with the solider in the river and carries the same weight, the same heaviness and momentum. Then, of course, to twist the knife just a little further, we're boxed of with that final image of 'a single lone pink petal floating above him'.

Sero's character too, is flawless. Those opening lines that describe the quintessential FuckBoy!Sero are brilliant – the line describing him as 'Mr Relationships-aren't-for-me' made me genuinely laugh, and it's almost too easy to imagine him breaking his back to make his stance clear, despite the fondness that is clearly sprouting in his chest. His downfall too, is equally as brilliantly written – his free fall and the sheer raw emotion that comes with it isn't shied away from, rather it's exposed, forcing us once again to feel the weight of this piece.

The structure of this piece too is nothing short of phenomenal. The way short and long sentences intermingle to produce a strong sense of pace that is controlled wonderfully, speeding up as Sero loses control and slowing again when he realises the truth of the situation. For example, the paragraph that deal with the initial phone call is rife with these small uses of technique, little hints and shifts of pace that work to enhance the piece to whole new levels: 'Theres 23 injured, 6 missing and one presumed DOA. Ice fills his lungs and pierces his heart. The phone drops from his hand. The reporter says something about being unable to locate the owner of the car. Denki’s repeating ‘im so sorry’ over and over again like a prayer. A sob comes from the phone. They think your body is somewhere in the lake still. He can’t breathe. His doorbell is ringing constantly, or is the ringing in his head? He can’t tell. When did he drop to his knees? He doesnt know. The ice is in his head now, the world’s gone from being stationary to rapidly spinning. The only thing he can focus on is your car hanging from the sea. A hand grabs his shoulder. He looks up and blinks at the blonde before him. Bakugou looks tense, his eyes hard and his mouth tight like what he’s about to say is leaving a bad taste in his mouth. Sero decides he doesn’t want to hear it.' Here those short sentences make it feel like we're running along side Sero's heart beat. It's choppy, racing, too quick to control and we get a real sense of the spiral Sero is going down. Furthermore, by using this control of structure and adding in the smattering of internal rhetoric questions – we're placed in Sero's point of view, giving front seats to his undoing and the effect it has on the audience is honestly astounding!

This piece is a flight, only a few hundred words and yet, the emotion and technique that is crammed into it is incredible. I felt my heart thunder while reading these lines, felt the same ice in my veins as Sero did. This is an absolute fete of a piece and honestly, it feels a little surreal to think something of mine managed to inspire a thought this big, this brilliant and this amazingly written.

This thing is inspired by the lovely @saturnsorbits who has turned me towards the light as I now see what a sex icon tape-man is. This is angst-comfort minus the comfort so just angst. Implications of death ahead! Enjoy!

Thinking about Sero Hanta hating cherry blossoms. Thinkin bout Mr. Relationships-arent-for-me accidentally falling in love with his fwb. He’d never tell them of course. In fact, he’d go through great lengths to make sure you knew that he wasnt going to settle down with you. Taking other people to his bed, flirting with everyone around you, he’d invite you to his apartment after fucking so that you would bump into his bedroom partner of the night on the way out of his apartment. He’d even go through trying to quit you, trying to end the fwb thing that’s going on between you two. It’s works of course, until Denki calls him to tell him to look at the news. Denki is hysterical, words spewing from his mouth and jumbling together, that’s the only thing Sero was able to get out of him. Sero looks up the news while still on the phone with Denki and the world stops. There on national news is your car being pulled up from the depths of a lake, water rushing out from the doors. The headliner says that a villian with a enlarging quirk went on a rampage in the middle of traffic. Theres 23 injured, 6 missing and one presumed DOA. Ice fills his lungs and pierces his heart. The phone drops from his hand. The reporter says something about being unable to locate the owner of the car. Denki’s repeating ‘im so sorry’ over and over again like a prayer. A sob comes from the phone. They think your body is somewhere in the lake still. He can’t breathe. His doorbell is ringing constantly, or is the ringing in his head? He can’t tell. When did he drop to his knees? He doesnt know. The ice is in his head now, the world’s gone from being stationary to rapidly spinning. The only thing he can focus on is your car hanging from the sea. A hand grabs his shoulder. He looks up and blinks at the blonde before him. Bakugou looks tense, his eyes hard and his mouth tight like what he’s about to say is leaving a bad taste in his mouth. Sero decides he doesn’t want to hear it. He pushes off the ground, Bakugou’s hand drops from his shoulder. They stand there staring at each other until Bakugou opens his mouth. Sero’s out the door before he can comprehend what he’s doing. His feet slap the ground as he pushes his body forward. He’s halfway there before he remembers his quirk is much faster than his feet and starts swinging his way to the scene. He’s landed in the rubble and, before his brain can catch up, he’s searching. He finds one person still breathing underneath the rubble and drags them out. They’re not you. He leaves them for another hero. He finds another person inside a crumbled building. One half of the building is pristine and stands strong as if it hasn’t caught up to the fact that the rest of it has become dust and chunks. The person inside looks about the same, a large chuck of the building on top of the bottom half of their body. They were killed instantly. They’re not you. Sero rushes towards the lake your car was found in, running along the shore lifting up concrete and diving into the water. Sero finds two more bodys and a sobbing 3-year old before the sun starts to set. You’re still no where to be found. Kirishima is speaking to him, Sero can see the way his mouth moves around the words. Something about tomorrow. Sero decides he doesn’t care and continues on with his search. Mina’s in front of him, her hands on his chest as she pushes him away from the destruction. He shakes her off and pushes past her. Denki grabs his arm, grip tightening when Sero tries to peel his hand off. Another hero shouts that they need a medic. They’ve found the last one. Sero darts that way, yanking his arm from Denki’s grip. The heros at the shoreline performing cpr on someone. It’s you. Seros slid onto his knees next to you as the hero continues with the cpr. Youre soaking wet, your skin looks dull, your eyes are closed. Sero hates it. Hates that there’s no sign of life in you. No sign of that person he’d fallen in love with in-between the lust-drunk kisses and the middle-of-the-night deep conversations you’d shared. Cherry blossoms stick to your body and in your hair, the water acting like a glue to keep them there. You loved cherry blossom season despite how cheesy it was. He adored the look in your eyes whenever you watched the breeze steal the blossoms from the trees and tease you for how cheesy amd tourist-y it was. The blossoms usually made you look alive whenever you would get covered in them, spinning in circles to let them cover you, but now they look pale and depleted on your skin. He hates it. The hero doing cpr tires and Sero takes over, feeling the ribs beneath his hand bend with his compressions. 30 compressions and he’s leaning down towards your mouth, breathing into it twice before continuing with the compressions. He can’t help but think about when you would let him breathe smoke into your lungs as you melted into each other, his hand wrapped loosely on your neck as you inhaled the smoke his lungs had to offer. His thumb would caress your pulse point, feeling blood rushing past repetitively. He keeps going as Kirishima tries to give him a break, as Mina begs him to let someone else do it, as Denki yells for the healers. He keeps going even after feeling one of your ribs crack underneath your skin. He keeps going after the paramedics get there and place a gas mask over your face. It takes both Midoriya and Bakugou to pull him off you and even then he’s yelling at them to stop, to move out of his way so he can save you. He has to save you. Please let him save you. He tries to fight them off as you’re loaded into the back of an ambulance and taken away to the nearest hospital. He has to be with you. His brain suddenly turns on and his whole body shudders. He falls to his knees and slams his fists into the ground. He screams, raw and guttural, the sound tearing his esophagus apart. Theres glass in his hands now, leaving bloody prints and he keeps slamming his fists down. Tears are pouring from his eyes, he’s choking on his screams. He’s so furious. He’s so terrified. He feels like his being ripped apart as he rips at his hair until his hands are ripped from his scalp. Someone’s has a hold on his arms. Someone’s on his back sobbing with him. Theres too many voices. Too many sounds. He doesn’t care. He’s fighting now. Trying to rip his hands from whoever has them. A roar sounds from his chest, his face feels like it’s scorched, there’s something in his chest threatening to claw its way out and swallow him whole. He wants to kill whoever did this. He’s screaming that he’ll murder them. Murder everything they love in front of them and destroy them like they have him. His back is on the ground now, glass and stone digging into his spine as he’s held down. He’s still screaming and fighting. He sees Mina sobbing into Denki’s chest near him. He sees the hero that found you staring at him with horror, as if Sero was the one that caused this, like he was the one to slaughter the only person Sero has ever loved. And maybe he did, Sero thinks, mind too full and too empty all at once. Maybe he was the cause of all of this. Of this pain in his chest. Of the death of the world’s most amazing person. Of the death of his cherry blossom. He stops suddenly at that thought, body too tired to continue on with the fight. He doesn’t hear anything, doesn’t see who’s on top of him or near him or spreaking to him. All he sees is a single lone pink petal floating above him, the orange from the setting sun giving it a warm hue. You would’ve loved the sight. He hates it, he decides. That’s how Sero Hanta came to hate cherry blossoms.

[owlpajamas-archived-blog]

yuu dies au

basic summary: “i thought kagami treated me horribly but then i met you lot” -- mika

“no one is happy and mika is the least happy”

the agenda: - make everyone sad - make ourselves sad

nory: heyyy remember yuu dies au bee: r u about to angst on us nory nory: welll i was thinking about it some more bany: Oh Boy

created by moi, @distressedphilosopher​, @forblazes​, and @celestialshinoa​

GIANT HUGE CONTENT WARNING for: suicide, self harm, fucked up mental shit, fucked up coping methods, disordered eating (kinda??), pain and suffering

Setting: during the Final Battle, yuu goes seraph and sacrifices himself to cleanse the entire world. kinda like what he did at nagoya but on a larger scale

yuu was secretly planning smth like this ever since they started planning the final battle (in sanguinem?? tokyo again???) and he was dropping hints leading up to it and being super duper affectionate and emotional towards everyone and spent a lot of time reassuring them all that he loves them so much etc etc. and insisted on mika drinking from him one last time the day they leave bc that means so much to both of them. n at the end of the battle yuu goes seraph and does the thing and there's this huge explosion/burst of incredibly bright light and a huge shockwave and it lasts for several minutes and when the dust clears yuu is lying at the epicenter of a huge crater

and mika gets to him first and the others just hear him scream with grief/pain and they Know. mika is completely incoherent and refuses to leave yuu's body and doesn't let anyone else get close for a while........maybe that's the first time mika tries to kill himself...this is getting a lot darker than i first intended

ok so it's after the battle right and yuu's body is at the morgue and the shinoa squad is back at their house recovering physically and emotionally from everything

like it's their first day back from staying at hospital overnight

and it's morning and mika drags himself out of bed and downstairs and he's dissociating like whoah; and he opens the fridge and the first thing he sees is the several bottles of blood. and it's yuu's blood that they made before the Final Battle; and mika just falls to the floor sobbing bc yuu is gone, he's dead, and yet a part of him is still here?? and feeding mika was always something special for the two of them, it was calm and safe and bonding time

and after mika drinks this yuu will be gone for Real

he's just hit w all this existentialism and reality of the situation

shinoa runs into the kitchen and finds him and he's totally inconsolable

the remnants of the JIDA become the new human government and they let the shinoa squad, including mika, retire early to a house in the countryside for their service.

t starts off w the squad in their new home and it's up in the mountains and it's nice and quiet and there are fields for them to grow their own food and they have a goat or chickens or smth idk but it's empty and they're all grieving

no one really knows what to do w themselves bc not only is yuu dead but they're all retired indefinitely now

kimizuki tries to distract himself w cooking

mika sleeps All The Time like for days at a time bc of vamp metabolism is weird af. so if u add in severe depression and grief u get....sleeping for 3 days straight. also in attempt to get mika out of bed kimizuki ropes him into House Chores™. picture mika and kimizuki at the sink. mika is robotically peeling onions mika and kimi become the food prep team

 he likes feeding the chickens. shinoa takes up crochet. shinoa gave the chickens all stupid names

everyone struggles to cope and mika is actively suicidal and the squad tries to bring him out of it

mika loses his appetite from grief/depression and refuses to drink for a week+ at a time and gets really weak and sick. it's ironic bc all this time drinking blood has been the thing he hates most about being a vampire but he kept doing it so that he could save yuu/live with yuu. and now yuu's dead and he doesn't even care about blood at all. like under any other circumstances this would be a GOOD thing to not be thirsty but.

it's a struggle to get him to drink anything bc the old solution of "confront him and cut ur arm or show him blood and then he'll give in and drink" doesn't work anymore bc mika just Doesn't Fucking Care.

someone just ends up jamming their arm into his fangs and he hates it but his instincts are screaming at him to eat, eat, survive even if his mind and heart don't want to

like once he starts drinking his body is like Oh Shit wait this is a really good thing u need this to survive

and then theres panic among the person who jammed their arm into his teeth because oh fuck his jaw locked (as vampires do when feeding sometimes. this was completely on accident on mikas part tho)

at one point yoichi is trying to convince him to drink and is getting really really worried bc mika is in a Bad Place and so he kind of yells at mika “yuu would want you to!!” or smth like that. and mika snaps and starts yelling at him and is Really Angry in a scary vampire way. like he just whirls around and yells at yoichi to shut the fuck up, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, he slams his fist into the wall, he’s baring his fangs and his eyes have this dangerous glint. and yoichi starts crying bc he’s just so scared and worried for mika, and he’s also grieving yuu so much, and he can’t help but be scared when mika acts like that

and then mika feels even worse!! >: D

yoichi is sobbing and mika doesn’t kno what to Do he’s so confused and disoriented and he feels so awful and it’s a Mess. the rest of the squad comes running in and intervenes cuz they heard the yelling

bany: also u know how cats will purr when either happy OR distressed as a self-comfort mechanism?yeah. that happens. its not a happy purr sound. its miserable and throaty and stuttered.

yoichi is crying and saying “i’m sorry i’m sorry” and “i miss him too!!” and kimi and shinoa are trying to comfort him and mika is floundering and sad-purring

bany: mika just. gives up and curls into a ball. just him and the squad and the vibrations in his throat

kimi drags yoichi away, who doesn’t want to leave until mika’s ok, and shinoa and narumi stay and try to talk to mika. he caves and drinks from narumi and then falls asleep for like a day and a half after that. depression symptoms become more exaggerated when ur a vampire bc their metabolism is slower. mika becomes the master of the depression nap.

hey hey what if he and yoichi cuddle after the fight as an apology. mika falls asleep and yoichi starts petting his hair and mika starts purring, then yoichi falls asleep too. yoichi Insists that mika drink from him, or at least drink /something/ bc mika’s had no appetite for weeks and is p much starving himself

bany: he feeds so infrequently and in such small portions the squad starts to notice signs of continual starvation (his cheeks are hollow, his spine should not be that pronounced, holy shit ribs) and say okay this has GOT to STOP

permanent dark circles under his eyes and shaky hands, dizzy spells All the time, his skin was always pale but now it’s paler than normal and all the color is washed out or greyed out

bany: vampires have slow heartbeats right? it should not be as fast as it is

nice thing about living w a group of powerful demon users/human experiments is that they all have a pretty good healing factor so they can lose a lot more blood and be fine than a normal human could

after yuu’s death and things settle down a little and the squad resigns from the JIDA and live in a house together in a small town thats being built again. theres a grave and shrine where yuu is buried, its in the woods a little,  and thats where mika spends most of his time. shinoa helped him plant perenials to plant on the gravesite. mika spends most of his time dissociating and remembering and talking to yuu outloud. about how much mika misses yuu and how desperately he wants to be with him, mika cant bear the thought of existing in a world where yuu no longer exits, and that hes so sorry that he could save yuu and that he wants to join yuu in death but he cant bc its impossible. and hes so lonely and he feels like something has been ripped out of him, bc yuu was mika’s life parter and fp.

he tells yuu about all the stuff that happens everyday too, and he also cries a lot. he tells yuu about how his appetite is gone and how ironic it is that something he wanted so bad to happen (to not want to drink blood) was caused by his worst nightmare (yuu’s death)

Melissa: Mika realizes how much he actually appreciated drinking Yuu's blood n stuff and how much he hates that he has no other options now

The squad keep a little schedule without mika knowing and they go and visit him and let him feed from them (or rather, make him)

He doesn't fight back as much as he used to because he just doesn't care about anything

Nory: he reaches a point where he doesnt cry or anything anymore but the only emotion he has is overwhelming grief and self loathing. he talks about how grateful he was that yuu accepted him so enthusiastically and whole-heartedly and always looked out for him even when mika made it difficult; and how much he misses drinking from yuu and how comforting and safe it was because he loved yuu so much and they had so much trust in each other. the first time he drinks directly from one of the squad members he breaks down and is flooded w memories of yuu

also he gets really really furious at the other squad members bc they arent feeling the grief as powerfully as he does. like they still are absolutely grieving for yuu but they start to recover and move through the stages of grief and mika cant

Melissa: Mika thinks it's because humans are fickle and care less and he gets mad at them for being so "shallow"

he takes his grief and angery out on them and yells at them and gets into fights, yelling how they couldnt posssibly understand what hes feeling right now, how dare you, how dare you start to move on….etc..

During one of his angry spurts he just runs into a forest and starts knocking down trees

Nory: someone tries to comfort him and he curls in on himself and hes termbling and sad-purring. kimi tries to stop hm and mika whirls around and snarls “dont touch me” and he looks really feral and its a little scary.

Melissa: He does the neck grab attack thing on someone then looks down on them as tears fall from his face into theirs then he gets off and turns his back toward them and just says "...I'm sorry" then flies away

Nory: he doesnt come back for a day or 2 and he comes back really exhausted and dissociating and bleeding a lot

Melissa: he stabs himself a lot (cue nory sobbing)

he hasnt had any blood in over a weak and he just makes it to the front porch before he faints, his injuries arent healing bc hes so weak. And everyone is like "how do we feed him if he's unconscious???" he wakes up a little when they get him inside and immediately throws up from internal bleeding. (I LOVE SUFFERING)

And they just like try to stop his bleeding enough to get him to be conscious enough not to choke on it.

he drinks from kimizuki then bc his body is running on autopilot at this point and hes to tired to fight the impulses anymore, and after he gets enough in his system he watches his wounds start to heal and he's like "damn it" and is mad and embarrassed w himself later for causing a scene and being an inconvenience.

he was also so drained and out of it he wasnt even thinking about dying he was just in pain and his instincts took over completely

he was dissociating and he didnt even remember going back to the house or fainting, he just wakes up in his bed not knowing what happened or where he is

after a while mika starts sleeping in yoichis room bc its comforting and it lets him forget about anything and just pretend hes a normal teenager

Sleep deprived angst talks are the best kind

yoichi + mika have late night talk sessions that usually involve at least 1 of the crying

mika comforting yoichi tho?? good shit……..in a very quite, subdued way, lots of hugs involved, purring, crying. they finally fall asleep at like 3 am and dont get up till past noon. mika is clinging to yoichi like an octopus.

Mika: holds yoichi

Yoichi: is held

yoi always wakes up earlier than mika but he stays in bed and falls into a doze and hugs mika instead of getting up

bc its so nice to have companionship and also he knows that mika will get really anxious if he wakes up and yoi isnt there

oooooh maybe the first time they sleep in the same bed yoichi gets up in the morning to have breakfast and mika’s still asleep (he needs his rest). and then mika wakes up and panics bc yoichi is gone, and he immediately thinks someting bad happened

mika rushes downstairs bc Gotta FInd YOichi and sees everyone in the kitchen eating breakfast and everythings fine, but he still hugs yoi and checks him over for injuries and doesnt want to let him go. vampire instincts say Gotta Protect Yoichi

and hes like trembling a little bc what if something had happened to yoichi or any of the others??

scenario: mika spends days at a time at yuu's shrine and it's pouring rain and getting to be nighttime so yoichi goes to look for him and he's bleeding from his wrists and not healing bc he hasn't had blood in a week. and yoichi eventually persuades him to come inside. (bany: this kills the man). and basically half carries mika back to the house, and the other squad members are anxiously waiting in the kitchen, mika is basically incoherent but he's just so. miserable. and everyone hurts. he’s dripping blood and cold water and hes a Mess™

yoichi and shinoa get him upstairs and into the bath and mika doesn't even care bc he's just. done.

(also there's mikayoi going on bc i'm lov that shit)

mika says that his life his worthless if yuu is dead and that he's failed his only purpose - to keep yuu safe. and yoichi and shinoa talk about how they need him too bc he's their family now too. and there are nice tender moments with yoichi washing mika's hair

bany: good because his hair would be Nasty and prob needs a good brush

 afterwards mika drinks from yoichi bc he's too exhausted to even protest and they have another Tender Moment™

anyway imagine mika and yoichi hugging each other quietly remembering yuu 

:" )

the squad ovs ends up sleeping in the same room/mattress pile (comfort among others, ect.) but they have like. babysitting mika shifts. they take turns wedging him into the corner of the pile so 1. he can get some fucking sleep and 2. he won't get up and try anything self destructive at tnight.  lot of times he can't even sleep OR he sleeps for days at a time

thats it for now :3 thank u for reading so far and also im sorry